Let’s All Take A Moment To Appreciate Dina Eastwood’s Stunning Pugsmaids

It looks like we’re going to have to update the definition of the phrase “Excuse my beauty” twice today. Once for the pup on the left giving us demure cross-legged bashful arm candy, and once for the gorgeous BBP (big beautiful pooch) shamelessly showing off her pug goodies on the right.

This weekend, Clint Eastwood’s second ex-wife Dina Eastwood married the guy she left her rich pepaw husband for. And as you can see, it was an incredibly elegant affair. People says Dina and her new husband Scott Fisher got married in Santa Barbara, which I’m positive is where 98% of famous people get married. Instead of having human bridesmaids who might try to steal yo man or upstage your ass, Dina put two of her pugs, Morgy and Chica, in some very exquisite doggy gowns and let them lead her down the aisle. Morgy was actually the Maid of Honor.

One quick peek at Dina’s Instagram will tell you that she’s majorly into her pugs, so it’s not exactly a surprise that she would make them a part of her wedding. Sadly, Morgy and Chica broke Bridesmaid Rule #1 by totally upstaging the bride. Especially Chica (the chunkier one with her tongue and business hanging out). Chica is really giving Gary Fisher a run for his money in the scene-stealing dog department. Like, how are you supposed to compete for attention around a dog like Chica? You can’t. But I don’t think Chica does it on purpose; when you’re a perfect 10, it’s hard not to get noticed.

That picture above is perfect for many reasons. But I really love it because Morgy and Chica’s faces totally look like a version of the comedy/tragedy masks that represent the two main emotions of being at a wedding reception. Morgy (tragedy) is all “Ugh, where’s the bar“, and Chica (comedy) is all “LOL I FOUND IT!!”

Pics: Instagram

Clint Eastwood Will Give Dina Eastwood A Spousal Support Check When She Pries It From His Cold, Dead Hands

Yes, up until three seconds ago, I thought Clint Eastwood was the one who made that line sort of famous. And yes, up until three seconds ago, I also learned that Clint Eastwood and Charlton Heston are two different people. The more you Google, the more you know.

Over the summer, gold diggers who have trained in the art of seducing senile, old, rich coots grabbed their shovels and went to work when Clint Eastwood and Dina Eastwood announced that their marriage had a chalk outline around it. The news came a few months after Dina went to rehab for anxiety and the sads. TMZ says that Clint is giving Dina a couple more things to be anxious about, because he’s fighting her ass in their divorce battle. Dina is the one who filed for divorce and Clint recently filed his own papers shooting down her request for spousal support and full custody of their 16-year-old daughter Morgan. Clint asked the court to give him joint custody of Morgan and he doesn’t want to send Dina a monthly check. Radar adds that Clint and Dina have a prenup and they actually broke up a full year before they announced it.

Since they have a prenup, I’m sure Clint is giving Dina a house and/or a lump sum of cash for licking the liver spots on his dick and the dry spots on his balls for 17 years. If Dina signed a prenup that states that all she gets is the memories of Clint taking his teeth out before eating her out, then she is a pox on the house of gold diggers! But what’s worse is, if Clint doesn’t give her a pile of money, she’ll have to run off to E! and beg them to bring back her truly awful reality shit show. So please, give her a check, Clint. Your soulmate (aka that empty chair) wants you to do it. It told me so!

Celebrity Wife Swap: The Clint Eastwood Edition

Last week, Dina Eastwood told UsWeekly that she hasn’t been sleeping in the same bed as Clint Eastwood for a while and they’ve been separated for about a year. We all figured that Clint finally ran away with his empty chair and spent his nights spooning with it, licking its legs up and down and eating Activia off of its seat. But UsWeekly says that Clint isn’t with his empty chair, because he’s with Dina’s boyfriend’s ex-wife. ESCANDALO (not really).

Dina has been friends with Scott Fisher, a basketball coach at the University of Hawaii, for 33 years. Scott was married to Erica Tomlinson-Fisher and they have two kids together. Erica and Scott divorced last year and after their marriage ended, she thought he was rubbing his parts all over Dina Eastwood. Erica called Clint in February to talk about Scott and Dina doing it. Since no peen-loving woman can resist the sound of Clint’s “always hocking up a loogie” voice, they hit it off and started dating. Clint’s dick has been making her day ever since. (Sorry, I deserve the GONG for that one, but it’s in the shop.) Clint was papped dropping Erica off at LAX the other day.

A source says that Dina wasn’t getting it on with Scott when Erica thought they were, but the two started casually dating right after Clint and Erica got together. When UsWeekly asked Dina about this, she only said, “I am saddened to see photos of Clint with Ms. Tomlinson-Fisher. I look forward to new beginnings.”

Those old sluts! How very Shania Twain of them. Switching pieces isn’t a bad idea, though. After 17 years of marriage, they probably got tired of waking up next to the same body and slurping on the same genitals, so they switched with their friends. It’s like a key party that lasts a really long time. It works for me. Now I just have to become best friends with Anderson Cooper and his man so that in 17 months (which is basically “17 years” in gay relationship time), we can swap!

Clint Eastwood Is Single Now!

Clint Eastwood is showing Michael Douglas that he’s not the only old ho in Hollywood who can separate from his second wife. Dina Eastwood tells UsWeekly that she has mounted off of Dirty Harry’s dick after 17 years of marriage. It took a while, but Dina Eastwood’s turd of a reality show, which ran for one season last year, finally killed her marriage. The reality show devils (and the gold digging gods) are cackling with victory today.

Some source tells UsWeekly that 83-yearold Clint and 48-year-old Dina have been living in separate houses for about a year now. The source went on to say that the split isn’t really dramatic and it’s just a case of Clint falling out of love with Dina. You know, one day Clint wants tapioca pudding instead of butterscotch pudding, and the next day he wants a new cooch instead of his wife’s cooch. It happens.

A few months ago, Dina Eastwood spent a little time in a rehab facility to deal with depression and a severe case of anxiety. Maybe Clint dumping her had something to do with that.

Dina was a TV news reporter before marrying Clint in 1996. They have a 16-year-old daughter named Morgan together and Dina is a stepmom to Clint’s 7 other kids.

Who cares if Dina takes all the money. The only thing Clint needs is his empty chair and now he can finally be with it. I knew that chair was a home wrecking whore.