Emma Watson Is Totally A Furry

March 13, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s been a lot of talk about how Emma Watson turned down the Emma Stone role in La La Land to do the live-action Beauty and the Beast. Emma said that scheduling conflicts kept her from doing La La Land, but now we know the real reason why she didn’t do it. If Ryan Gosling’s character was a buff buffalo who got lipstick dick every time he danced close to her, she’d definitely be the one wearing the yellow dress and singing that City of Stars shit.

Anyone who’s into Emma Watson is probably at a costume shop, trying to rent either a lion or bull costume. Because at the London premiere of Beauty and the Beast last month, Yahoo! UK (via Moviepilot) talked to Emma on the red carpet and she said that she fills with a touch of sadness when The Beast becomes a human prince. So if Emma had her way, the live-action BatB would have a much different ending. When the spell is broken and The Beast transforms into a man, sucio Belle would immediately dump him and run off to the woods to hook up with one of the wolves.

 “There’s something a bit sad about when he transforms. You’re a bit like…oh…okay, you were quite nice before. He’s hot. The Beast is hot.”

The self-esteem of Dan Stevens, who plays The Beast and the human prince, must have swelled like it has never swelled before after he read what Emma said. Knowing that she’d rather fuck a CGI buffalo than him probably feels really good.

And the Queen of the Furries kept talking about getting fiery in the loins for CGI animals. Emma said that she gets the swoons for Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia. Well, if you’re going to get feelings for a CGI animal, you may as well aim high by getting hot for a lion who represents Jesus and is voiced by Liam Neeson.

“Aslan in Narnia. I found the lion quite hot. Is that wrong? Is that okay? Probably not. No, it’s not okay. It’s not okay. I’m getting shaking heads. It happens. Sometimes animals in films are hot. I don’t know what to say.”

If you forgot what Aslan looks like (because you don’t have a poster of him taped to the ceiling over your bed like Emma does), this is what he looks like:


Every day, Emma Watson’s agent must get a call from her, begging to get her a role in the furry dream movie Zootopia.

I am judging Emma for thinking that The Beast is hot. The Beast is an asshole, and his breath probably smells like a filled diaper lying on the sidewalk in August. I’m also judging her for getting into Aslan since he’s a straight-up lion. But I cannot judge Emma for crushing on cartoon animals, because of this:


You show me a child of the 80s who says they didn’t crush on Lion-O and I’ll show you the liar of liars!

Pics: Disney, ThunderCatsWikia

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