Category: Joe Francis
Joe Francis Claims His Ex-Girlfriend Has Kidnapped Their Twin Daughters
It wasn’t that long ago that Joe Francis was making a career for himself as the predatory creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series. But now, Joe is crying that his girls are gone, and he’s wildly accusing the twins’ mother Abbey Wilson of kidnapping. Joe Francis and Abbey Wilson welcomed two twins girls, Alexandria and Athena, a little over seven years ago. Things have been messy between Joe and Abbey for a while, but it recently turned into a Not Without My Daughters situation, according to claims made by Joe. However, if you ask for Abbey’s side of things, she’ll claim she’s the Sally Field of this situation.
Joe Francis Was Arrested And Charged For Domestic Violence Last Year
Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, reportedly spent part of 2020 in handcuffs for getting violent and abusive with a woman. Oh wow, whoever could have guessed that a piece of crap would continue to be a total piece of crap? I’m so shocked, I’ll need at least an hour before I even begin to attempt to collect my jaw from the floor.
A quick peek at Joe’s Instagram page will show you that he really embraced that Covidiot lifestyle during the pandemic, like posting memes about bats, China, and how things need to go back to “normal.” But according to documents obtained by The Sun, he also had time for domestic violence. In August of last year, Joe was arrested at his home in Punta Mita, Mexico on August 13th after a violent, awful, nightmare of a domestic violence incident on August 1st. It’s the kind of situation that would make you hope Joe’s famous best friends Mario Lopez, Lance Bass, and all the Kardashians, might finally wake up and lose his number for good.
Joe Francis Was Reportedly Robbed And Almost Kidnapped In Mexico
TMZ is reporting that Joe Francis, creator of Girls Gone Wild, had his own Kim Kardashian moment in Mexico last week. Joe was reportedly tied up, robbed, and nearly kidnapped when five armed men stormed a property he was hanging out in. Apparently the creator of Girls Gone Wild was almost Man Gone Missing.
A Federal Judge Has Issued An Arrest Warrant For Joe Francis
Can you get arrested for looking like a sun-damaged douchebag? NO! It turns out it’s for an actual crime. According to The Wall Street Journal, a federal judge issued an arrest warrant for Girls Gone Wild founding sleazy weasel Joe Francis on Tuesday because he failed to give two cars to his lawyers as payment for helping him sell the GGW brand to pay off his $30 million gambling debts. Paying your lawyers in cars? You know you’re a deadbeat when.
The WSJ says that Joe Francis previously claimed he couldn’t hand over the cars (a 2007 Cadillac Escalade and a 2012 Bentley Flying Spur) because he didn’t have them anymore. According to Joe, an angry strip club owner in Mexico took them as payment for a bunch of GGW promotions that fell through after the company filed for bankruptcy in February of 2013. Joe sold GGW to prevent Las Vegas’ Steve Wynn – the person he owed that $30 million to – from taking control of the company’s assets, and that’s how we ended up in this mess.
Nobody really knows where Joe Francis is right now, but many suspect he’s hiding out at his house in Mexico, which means he might be safe for now. Someone who knows law stuff told the WSJ that “the extradition treaty between the countries only provides for the capture and return of people who face criminal charges, not civil contempt.” I think that’s a lot of big words that mean he’s popping a bottle of Deadbeat’s Choice™ champagne-style drink with Litibu the sea lion right now.
Joe Francis is an honorary Kardashian Kousin, so I wonder if he tried to hit up Pimp Mama Kris and the krew for a couple of their old cars. Although that’s assuming he could even get through; something tells me the second they found out he was broke, they all had an “I don’t know him” ready for when the operator informed them they have a collect call from a Joey F. in Mexico.
Girls Gone Wild Creator Joe Francis Is Now A Father To A Set Of Twin Girls
I bet the hospital doesn’t even require fathers to wear the mask; they just gave it to him to limit the number of toxic douche germs that exit his mouth when he talks. It is a hospital, after all. Gotta keep that shit clean.
UsWeekly says it’s time for us to pop a bottle of champagne and flash our tits for some celebratory beads, because the human drug-resistant UTI that is Joe Francis is now somebody’s daddy, and not in the gross “Who’s your daddy?” way. Joe’s bobo Amy Smart-looking girlfriend and former Girl Gone Wild Abbey Wilson gave birth to the couple’s daughters on Tuesday in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Joe and Abbey announced the birth of their daughters by releasing a DVD called GIRLS GONE WILD PRESENTS: TWO GIRLS DESTROYING ONE FORMER GIRLS GONE WILD GIRL’S VAGINA. No! They didn’t do that (I don’t think Joe is legally allowed to use the GGW name anymore). They announced it on Instagram.
Joe and Abbey’s new babies – or as Joe calls them “See? I’m not a predatory douchebag, I have two daughters!” – are named Alexandria Claire and Athena Olivia Francis. Which is so bizarre to me, because I was so sure they’d go with something a little more Girls Gone Wild-y, like Nikki and Tiffani. Regardless of what they names their babies, Joe’s partner-in-satan Pimp Mama Kris will no doubt change them to something more on-brand like Klaire and Kathena when she swoops in like a and starts pimping them out. It’s only a matter of time – Kendall and The Other One are getting old. PMK needs fresh meat. Watch out, Baby Alexandria and Baby Athena! If a half-melted piece of orange silly putty approaches you with a man in red pajamas with a pitchfork asking if you wanna be famous, YOU SAY NO!
Pic: Instagram
You Can’t Keep An Asshole Down: Joe Francis Got Arrested For Assault
In case you needed yet another reminder that rats are drawn to piles of trash (I’ll leave it up to you to decide who’s the trash and who are the rats in this picture). Joe Francis, the garbage person responsible for Girls Gone Wild and all-round piece of shit, had almost managed to convince us that he’d changed his asshole ways by announcing last month that he and his girlfriend Abbey Wilson had chosen to become pregnant with twin girls. Unfortunately, just like a true asshole do, he’s gone and undone any shred of hope that he’s a changed man by getting his ass arrested on Friday night for the Joe Francis-iest reason: assault.
TMZ says it all started when that dinosaur-looking douchebag decided to swing by the L.A. offices of Girls Gone Wild, probably to grab his girlfriend’s paystub (Fun Fact! They met doing GGW. Sorry, did I say fun? I meant fucking depressing). Except that he’s not allowed at the GGW office, due to a restraining order that prevents him from coming within 100 feet of the building. But because Joe Francis is as reasonable as a messy case of Taco Bell diarrhea, he entered the building, pushed past a security guard, and shoved an employee. Security called the cops, and he was hauled in to police station, where he was charged with misdemeanour battery and released.
If Joe Francis is looking to make a little extra cash, he could write a book on being a dumb asshole. An asshole assaults someone, but a dumb asshole violates a restraining order to assault someone. He could call it Goofs Gone Wild: The Joe Francis Guide To Going Back To Jail, and promote it with a stand-up comedy tour where he does a bunch of Jeff Foxworthy-style ‘You might be a dumb asshole’ jokes. “You might be a dumb asshole if your name is Joe Francis. Sorry guys, just like my dinosaur relatives, my brain is the size of a walnut; thinking isn’t exactly my strong suit.”
I will say this though: it’s nice to hear about Joe Francis not assaulting a woman for a change.
Pic: Instagram