The “Wisdom” Of Jenny McCarthy Is Spreading: Kristin Cavallari And Jay Cutler Won’t Vaccinate Their Kids

For those of you parents out there who haven’t made a decision on whether or not to vaccinate your kids, because you’ve been waiting to hear what that trick from The Hills whose last name sounds like an appetizer on the Red Lobster menu has to say about it, you don’t have to wait any longer. She’s finally spoken! Kristin Calamari was on Fox Business’ The Independents to pimp out her style show for E! and her shoe line for Chinese Laundry and the subject of vaccinations came up, because the subject of vaccinations always comes up when a trick is talking about her style show and shoe line. The host of The Independents, Kennedy (yes, that Kennedy), brought up vaccines and Kristin let it be known that the son she has now and the son she’s pregnant with will never be vaccinated. Kristin doesn’t want them to get autism and when Kennedy let her know that there’s no link between autism and vaccines, she said that she read a lot of books and saw it on Homeland or something. Basically, Kristin Cavallari knows stuff! I mean, who cares that polio and the measles are making a comeback?!

Kennedy: Are you opposed to vaccines?

Kristin: We don’t vaccinate.

Kennedy: Really? You’re one of those (Ed note: I’m not sure what the hell Kennedy says here, but I think she says “communists“)?

Kristin: I’ve read too many books about autism and the studies.

Kennedy: No, no, there’s no links. Read the links that say autism and vaccines have no-

Kristin: Well, there is a pediatric group called Homestead, Homestead or Homefirst, now I have pregnancy brain I got them confused—they’ve never vaccinated any of their children, and they haven’t had one case of autism. And now one in 88 boys is autistic, which is a really scary statistic.

Kennedy: Well, my mom vaccinated us and she doesn’t have any cases of autism either. Isn’t that weird?

Kristin: The vaccinations have changed over the years, there’s more mercury and other…

Kennedy didn’t ask what Jay Cutler’s thoughts on vaccines are, but I’m sure if you asked him, he’d stare at you blankly for a full 15 seconds and after a stream of drool dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, his brain would turn back on again and he’d ask you to pull his finger.

And yeah, by “read too many books,” Kristin means that she read one of Jenny McCarthy’s statuses on Facebook or some shit.

via Uproxx

ABC Really Missed Out By Not Having Jenny McCarthy On “The Bachelorette”

Trust Baba Wawa to tell previously agreed upon and not at all staged secrets.

On Tuesday’s episode of The View (via HuffPo), Barbara Walters blabbed that Jenny McCarthy begged ABC to let her be on The Bachelorette back in 2005 after she divorced John Asher.

“No one knew that!” McCarthy exclaimed. “When I got a divorce, I was lonely. I needed to be loved.”

Auditioning for a reality show isn’t exactly the most typical reaction to a break up, and McCarthy seems to admit that it was a bit of a snap decision. “I was single and I loved TV. Put those together and I thought, ‘Brilliant!‘”

“I was single and I loved being a famewhore on TV“. There, Jenny. Fixed it for you.

ABC denied her ass even after Jenny had her agent call the network and said they were not using celebrities at that time. Since Jenny is the epitome of class and grace (and the poster child for desperate, needy bitches), ABC really shit the bed on that one. Imagine a season of The Bachelorette filled with farts, queefs, pit sniffing and Jenny humping the legs of all the contestants while holding up her original Playboy spread (NSFW) and saying, “I know you’d fuck me, but would you marry me?”

Jenny packed up it up after the rejection and ran into the arms of Jim Carrey that same year. They were together until 2010 and I’m surprised she didn’t try to pitch herself to the network again after the break up.

“Yeah, ABC? It’s Jenny McCarthy’s agent again. We’d like to give you another opportunity to have Jenny be your next Bachelorette. She just has a few changes she’d like to see happen. Yeah, instead of a rose, she’d like to hand out pamphlets on the dangers of vaccine- hello? HELLO?!?!???”

(Pic: Splash)

Jenny McCarthy’s Son Still Has Autism, So Says Jenny McCarthy

A couple of days ago, Radar “exclusively” reported that melting plastic shit puppet and noted autism curer Jenny McCarthy supposedly told Time Magazine that her son Evan never had autism to begin with and she no longer thinks that vaccines are devil’s blood. I let out an “eh” when I skimmed through that post, because Jenny has gotten a fuck load of attention for saying that vaccines gave her kid autism and that a gluten-free diet put his autism in recovery mode, so it wouldn’t be surprising if that filler-filled fame whore was trying to get more attention by saying he was never autistic after all. But those words never fell out of the lipstick-covered diarrhea hole on Jenny’s face. Radar has since pulled that article down and Jenny went on Twatter yesterday to say that she did talk to Time Magazine about her son, but that was 3 years ago and she never said he wasn’t autistic.

Stories circulating online, claiming that I said my son Evan may not have autism after all, are blatantly inaccurate and completely ridiculous. Evan was diagnosed with autism by the Autism Evaluation Clinic at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital and was confirmed by the State of California (through their Regional Center). The implication that I have changed my position, that my child was not initially diagnosed with autism (and instead may suffer from Landau-Kleffner Syndrome), is both irresponsible and inaccurate. These stories cite a “new” Time Magazine interview with me, which was actually published in 2010, that never contained any such statements by me. Continued misrepresentations, such as these, only serve to open wounds of the many families who are courageously dealing with this disorder. Please know that I am taking every legal measure necessary to set this straight.

So, Jenny McCarthy is slapping down a ho for spitting out irresponsible and inaccurate shit? I know, Pot, I mean, Jenny, it’s absolutely terrible when dumb fucks spit out irresponsible and inaccurate information.

And I think now is a good time to relive this classic Jenny McCarthy interview:

When A Side-Eye From A Baby Perfectly Captures Your Feelings About Jenny McCarthy

A special, wet, sloppy thank you goes to Buzzfeed for finding this inspiring still of a baby throwing a first-class, museum worthy side-eye at enemy of the children Jenny McCarthy on New Year’s Eve. Throwing first degree shade at Jenny McCarthy is the right way to start 2014!

Because ABC didn’t want anyone to watch their network on New Year’s Eve, they gave shit-brained plastic muppet Jenny McCarthy a mic and made her Ryan Seacrest’s co-host on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve. Right after midnight, Jenny McCarthy put her lips on her piece Donnie Wahlberg and the camera captured my new hero killing Jenny with a side-eye. Today is Thursday in Monday’s clothes, so I’ve sort of got a small case of the Mondays, but this baby side-eye has soothed my nerves and has revitalized my soul. That side-eye is a vaccine for everything and is a potent vitamin that fuels my hate for Jenny McCarthy.

That side-eye is a cross between a “This crazy bitch is giving my kind the measles!” side-eye and a “Donnie, girl, what are you doing?” side-eye. It’s perfect. It’s everything. It’s the best thing that has happened in 2014 so far. Keep the Jenny McCarthy hate coming, baby!

Pics: Splash

Looks Like Oprah Hates Jenny McCarthy’s Ass, Too

When Jenny McCarthy isn’t busy pissing people off over vaccinations, trash talking Jim Carrey, alienating the last the three people still watching “The View” and making Gucci somehow look low rent, she managed to get her try-hardy ass on Oprah’s shit list according to an interview she did with Andy Cohen on “Watch What Happens Live “(via USWeekly).

She explained that she had a falling out with the mega-mogul, 59, after a tentative deal — McCarthy was to have a talk show on Winfrey’s OWN network — apparently fell through. “I did a deal with her for five years, but we, we kinda shook hands. I would be scared she would beat me up,” McCarthy revealed.

When Bravo’s Cohen asked McCarthy to clarify what happened with the the deal, she confirmed that “It didn’t [work out],” suggesting that she walked away to pursue other interests. “I left. I am terrified . . . I would be like OH NO [if we ran into each other].”

“Do you think you’re on her ‘list’?” Cohen asked.

“I’m sure there’s probably a lot of people on her sh*t list, but I’m probably number 4,” McCarthy estimated.

Knowing Oprah, numbers one through three are- in no particular order- James Frey, Steadman’s penis and anybody on her staff who dares suggest catering bring in low-fat muffins. Any number of things could be put in the fourth slot (cue stomachs everywhere churning over anything having to do with “Oprah” and “slot”), but Jenny seems to be convinced if they ever crossed paths again, Oprah would start screaming, “YOU GET AN ASS BEATING. AND YOU GET AN ASS BEATING. AND EVERYBODY GETS AN ASS BEATING!” while the audience collectively loses their shit. Jenny at least had the common sense to back out before jumping on the OWN network, which Oprah herself has admitted hadn’t lived up to the hype and caused her to dive headfirst into the sads.

Oprah told People magazine she had a meltdown last summer because “people were counting me out… After 25 years of being No. 1, I had become accustomed to success. I didn’t expect failure. I was tested and I had to dig deep.” She said “the schadenfreude was very painful for me, because I had never experienced it. I thought, ‘Do I not get credit for the 25 years? What have I gotten myself into?’”

If only Jenny  had read some of the reviews when Barbara Walters came knocking on her door as a replacement for Elisabeth Hasselcrack on “The View”, housewives wouldn’t live in fear of hearing any more information about Donnie Wahlberg’s ass or how he likes to jerk it on those ridiculous glasses she wears. You know Jenny’s the type who would demand every Lens Crafters employee stop what they’re doing as she tries on every oversized frame reserved for hot chicks with crippling self-esteem issues asking, “But would you fuck me??“

Everybody Hates Jenny McCarthy On The View

Correction: Everybody hates Jenny McCarthy. Period.

Seen above looking like the brain dead, accidental love child of Lisa from Team America and Bullseye from Toy Story, Jenny McCarthy has quickly become the most hated shrieking hyena on The View. Viewers feel like Jenny is about as pleasant as a battery acid enema and she’s so annoying that she’s making people miss Elisabeth Hasselcrack. You should probably consider a career in corporal punishment when hos would rather fill their ears with Elisabeth Hasselcrack’s shrill whining than listen to you.

Some inside source tells Radar that ABC did a little research on Jenny’s popularity with viewers and learned that America’s enemies love her, because she’s making Americans punch themselves in the eyes and stab their eardrums out with flaming wooden chopsticks every time she opens her mouth. Basically, if viewers had a choice between listening to Jenny McCarthy and watching a 25-year-old blackhead get pulled out of a pore while eating a bowl of dried dates, they’d go with the latter. It’s less disgusting and won’t give you recurring nightmares. The inside source said:

“ABC has begun doing deep research on Jenny’s work on the show and the initial findings are that viewers want to tune out the second she opens her mouth! The data has revealed that she is FAR more off-putting than Elisabeth. [Barbara] isn’t looking for a replacement for Jenny yet, she is obsessed with ratings and the longevity of the show, so Jenny needs to turn it around or she will be gone. Right now they’re just trying to adjust Jenny’s performance on the show so that she comes off as more appealing, but that’s an uphill battle.”

The source went on to say that Jenny may have a two-year contract, but Barbara will buy her out if ratings continue to fall.

I just can’t with Babwa for putting Miss Tits Against Vaccines on The View. Jenny is responsible for the pain and suffering of many children and now she’s responsible for committing brain cell genocide on The View. I’d like to think that this is all part of Barbara’s plan. She knows The View is already dying, so why not kill it all the way by putting this blonde torture device on it. Or Barbara has officially lost her mind. One or the other.

Here’s more of Jenny with her piece Donnie Wahlberg (yes, my 11-year-old self cries into the fetal position every time I type that) last night. Bitch is dressed like a blind librarian who steals all her clothes from the Goodwill donation bin.

Pics: Wenn.com