Kim Kartrashian Denies Waxing Baby North’s Eyebrow Situation

Since a Kardashian isn’t officially a Kardashian until she’s been dipped in a pot of wax, covered in strips and ripped of every hair on her body, some accused Kim Kartrashian of taking a tip from Backdoor Farrah’s “How To Be A Shit Mom” parenting book by waxing North West’s brows. After Kim Instagrammed this picture of Baby North yesterday, some accused her of Veet-ing her adorable future money maker’s eye valances. But Kim’s spokeswhore tells The Daily Mail that wax hasn’t touched North’s brows and her perfectly manicured eyebrows are a work of nature.

Kim is a lying skank and if she told me the sky was blue, I’d have to check with Pantone color swatches before believing her, but I actually think she’s spitting out the truth here. Mark this day! Yes, Baby Seaweed Baby Nori will inherit Pimp Mama Kris and Kim’s fucked up body issues, but I don’t think they used wax to elevate that baby’s eyebrow game. They used the other Kartrashian beauty tool of choice: PHOTOSHOP!

And I’m surprised that North even has eyebrow hair and eyelashes. It’s a miracle that they didn’t burn off from Kanye West constantly fire breathing out the words, “Guess who’s the luckiest baby in the world for having God’s God as a father?” onto her face. I’m also surprised that North is smiling. In every picture I’ve seen of North West, she looks like she’s in the middle of saying, “HELP ME,” in Morse code by blinking her eyes. I wonder how they got her to smile? They probably waved emancipation papers in front of her face. Pimp Mama Kris is a cruel genius.

And here’s Kim, the slow one and Penelope leaving a cosmetic laser center yesterday. No, of course they weren’t there to laser off Penelope’s brows hair. They’re not monsters! They were there to get all the whispers of hairs lasered off of Penelope’s body. It’s never too soon to prepare your baby for bikini season!

Pics: Wenn.com

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Named Their Daughter “Everly”

Jenna Dewan-Tatum and Carol Channing Tatum O’Neal are temporarily living in London while he shoots a movie and last week she birthed their first child. This morning, a statement went up on the squinting thumb man’s website (via UsWeekly) announcing the birf of his daughter and her name:

“Jenna Dewan-Tatum and Channing Tatum are thrilled to announce the birth of their daughter, Everly Tatum, who was born on May 31 in London. Sending love and light to Chan, Jenna and Ms. Everly!”

Wait. Channing Tatum’s friends and family call him CHAN?! Channing Tatum is the last person I want to call CHAN!

Everly Tatum isn’t the worst name. Everly sounds like a fancy hillbilly name. Everly Tatum sounds like the name of the snobbiest Southern housewife in a sequel to The Help or something.

If you don’t like the name “Everly,” you better find a way to get used to it. Because in the future, everybody is going to have the word “Ever” somewhere in their first name. Everybody is naming their kid Eversomething. Milla Jovovich named her daughter Ever Gabo (which is a Russian phrase that translates into “I hate my child” ), Cam Gigadent named his daughter Everleigh Rae, Anthony Kiedis named his son Everly Bear, Alanis Morrissette named her son Ever Imre and now Channing and Jenna have named their daughter Everly Tatum. If for some strange reason my right hand gets pregnant and has a baby, I’m totally going to name it Everclear or Everluvin Fuq.

Here’s some riveting pictures of Channing and Jenna taking their dogs for a walk right before she gave birth to Everly.

This Is What Amanda Bynes Looks Like When She Works Out

Someone posted (and then deleted) this clip on Facebook of Amanda Bynes (or her impostor) twerking out on an elliptical in her flip-flops and waving her arms like a drowning T-rex. That seems about right. And I don’t know what this says about me, but the last time I was on an elliptical, I got so bored that I started waving my arms around like I had pom poms in them. I was listening to a Toni Basil song at the time. Sometimes you just gotta wave your damn arms to pass the time.

via Buzzfeed