Cast your memory back to 2019. I know it hurts, but try. It wasn’t the best of times, but it also wasn’t the worst of times. 2019 brought us a bunch of stories that initially enraptured us but were never thought of again and they certainly didn’t reverberate well into 2020. For example, remember when Jussie Smollet was attacked?! That was wild, wonder if they ever caught whoever did it. Also, can you believe Tristan Thompson cheated on Khloe Kardashian, both of Lori Loughlin’s daughters got into USC, Alex Trebek died leaving Jeopardy! temporarily hostless and Lady Gaga, of all people, was doing the most for an Oscar campaign. Whew, 2019 — What a time to be alive! But there was one story that year still has legs. I don’t know about you but I haven’t slept a wink since the series finale of Game of Thrones. Thank God for Peter Dinklage who has finally answered the question that has been dogging us for years — The REAL reason everyone hated the GOT finale. Hint: It’s not because it was absolute dog shit. It’s because we’re dumb and possibly racist.
The guys who shit the bed at Westeros, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, have just stepped away from/been asked to step away from the big cushy Star Wars bed in the sky. It makes sense. Do you know how hard it is to get shit stains out of a sheet IN SPACE? According to Deadline, the Game Of Thrones showrunning duo who become more hated than season 2 King Joffrey (for non GOT fans, he was a like a less sympathetic, murderous Aaron Carter) have decided to walk away from a deal with Disney which would have had them at the helm of a Star Wars feature film trilogy. Coincidentally, the pair just participated in a GOT panel at the Austin Film Festival with disastrous results for their reputations.
Showrunners run, that’s what they’re supposed to do. And David Benioff and Dan Weiss of Game Of Thrones infamy are doing just that; running away as fast as they can. D&D were scheduled to appear on a panel at Comic-Con tomorrow, but HBO just released the final lineup and their names are missing. These two gingerbread men are not trying to get caught out here with their smallclothes down around their ankles in front of a mob of angry nerds. Not today, R’hllor!
Game of Thrones is over, so those of you who didn’t watch it can stop practicing your fake smiles and nods to use when your co-workers, still want to discuss Wormfinger and Three-Eyed Sansas and Jon Snow’s nipples to a nauseating degree. The subset of GoT fans that you could probably describe as “a little too involved”, however, are still frothing at the mouth over what they feel was a lackluster final season. Their petition to re-create season eight without the hated showrunners didn’t accomplish anything (despite 15 million signatures). So angry fans have begun a NEW petition to get David Benioff and D.B. Weiss thrown off of the planned Star Wars X so they don’t ruin the franchise. Did they not see Solo? That pretty much did it.
Do you love Star Wars but wish it were grittier and had more titties and dragons? Well, you’re in luck because Disney has just announced that the two main bros over at Game Of Thrones have just been given their very own series of Star Wars films. Westeros: A Star Wars Story, perhaps?
I don’t understand some people. For example D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, the showrunners for HBO’s hit series Game of Thrones. It’s no secret that their show, which I absolutely love, takes place in a world with magic, brutality and a hierarchy of white people plotting against each other for the Iron Throne. But riddle me this; why are all the people of color either slaves, whores or dickless warriors all aiding the white folks with their fight? And with GoT’s imminent conclusion on the horizon, David and D.B. are trading in their pretend dragons for Grand Dragons of the KKK with their new show Confederate, a re-imagined tale of what life would be like if slavery (yes, that slavery) still existed in modern times. The public has been all kinds of “Aw Hell Nah!” about this mess for quite a while, and last night HBO finally responded after a new hashtag on Twitter blew up their world like Loras and Margaery Tyrell.