Do you love Star Wars but wish it were grittier and had more titties and dragons? Well, you’re in luck because Disney has just announced that the two main bros over at Game Of Thrones have just been given their very own series of Star Wars films. Westeros: A Star Wars Story, perhaps?
According to Variety, GOT “creators” (because fuck George R.R. Martin, right?) David Benioff and D.B. Weiss will write and produce a series of Star Wars universe flavored films that aren’t part of the main “Skywalker saga” narrative. And in case you’re wondering, those are the same two dudes who garnered a tsunami of “hells to the nos” with their plans to bring Confederate to HBO. Variety says:
“David and Dan are some of the best storytellers working today,” said Kathleen Kennedy, president of Lucasfilm, in a statement. “Their command of complex characters, depth of story and richness of mythology will break new ground and boldly push Star Wars in ways I find incredibly exciting.”
Disney is working overtime cranking out these SW movies and they are gonna make damned sure they get the $4 billion dollars they paid for them even if they have to decapitate R2D2 and put his head on a pike to get it. And since R2 doesn’t have a neck, that means a hot poker right up his wazoo. And since R2 doesn’t have a wazoo that means they’ll strip him naked parade him up Mainstreet USA while C3PO follows ringing a bell while the crowd pelts him with churros and shouts “SHAME SHAME SHAME”. Of course, all of those things were George’s ideas. David and D.B. will probably just slap some bewbs on him and call it a day.
With GOT taking three and a half million years between seasons (it wraps up in 2019) and a bajillion other Star Wars movies scheduled to come out, it’ll be a miracle if we aren’t all suffering from SW fatigue by the time these movies see the light of day. I hope George Lucas and George R.R. are both still alive to sit on their money piles, cackling like school girls when they premiere.