Category: Booze
Kelly Ripa Says She Quit Drinking After Ryan Seacrest Was Hired As Her Co-Host Of “Live”
Kelly Ripa may be the size of an El Monterey frozen microwave burrito, but apparently there was a time when she could really put back the alcohol. But Kelly Ripa doesn’t drink nearly as much as she used to, and she has her Live co-host Ryan Seacrest to thank for that.
“Breaking Bad” Fans Thought They Were Getting A Movie, Got Tequila Instead
Breaking Bad has been off the air for nearly six years now, but that doesn’t mean the fans are done with the show. It still has an insane cult following. Breaking Bad fans are like the Little Monsters of the TV world. They’re the type who will show up at a stranger’s house years after the show ended and throw pizzas on the roof. And much like Gaga’s Little Monsters, they take to their keyboards when they’re displeased. Like how they let Breaking Bad stars Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul have it when they announced the launch of their new tequila company.
Open Post: Hosted By Elon Musk’s Teslaquilla
Based on Elon Musk’s recent behavior, if I had to predict a side-project he’d get into, I might guess a line of zero-gravity rolling papers or a better home security system. As it turns out, Elon Musk is launching a tequila brand.
This all started six months ago when Elon celebrated April Fool’s Day by tweeting that Tesla had gone “so bankrupt.” Part of the joke was that Elon had drowned his sorrows in an obvious play on Tesla and tequila.
Elon was found passed out against a Tesla Model 3, surrounded by "Teslaquilla" bottles, the tracks of dried tears still visible on his cheeks.
This is not a forward-looking statement, because, obviously, what's the point?
Happy New Month! pic.twitter.com/YcouvFz6Y1
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 1, 2018
Tesla isn’t bankrupt yet, but the part about Teslaquila was true. TMZ says that Elon has filed legal documentation to start a Tesla-branded tequila company. According to the documents, Elon claims that Tesla will start manufacturing “distilled agave liquor” and has filed trademark applications for Teslaquila. “Teslaquila” sounds too much like a form of gut rot you get in your lower intestine from eating the worm.
Despite this all starting on April Fool’s, it’s definitely not a joke. Elon tweeted that his tequila will be coming soon and posted a mock-up of the label (above).
I know that’s not the real bottle, but it still looks cheap as hell, especially coming from a billionaire. It kind of reminds me of a kid from my high school who used to sneak booze to school in an empty Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo bottle. Despite that bottle design, tequila is a great idea for Tesla. Especially for people who work at Tesla. It’s the perfect thing to get drunk on when you’re a board member and you remember the mess you just inherited.
Pic: @ElonMusk
InTouch Weekly Says That Ben Affleck Was Drinking At An Emmys Party
I’m not going to say that’s the face of someone who knows their way around a bottle. No really, I’m not going to, because that’s what my face looks like after a two Egg McMuffin breakfast. But in Ben Affleck’s case, at least according to InTouch, that’s the face of a dude who might not be sober at the moment.
The Queen Likes Her Booze
Queen Elizabeth II is 91 years old, and she looks pretty damn good for 91. Turns out there may be a reason why The Queen doesn’t look a day over 86, and it could be that her insides are preserved like an expertly aged jar of pickles from all the booze she drinks. Based on zero research, of course. I’m just going with what I know: that wine is basically a health elixir, and that a human gut can only take so many cream-based party coolers (those do no favors for no body).