Category: Barack Obama
Twitter Is Dragging Katy Perry Over A Barack Obama Joke
Celebrities are like children. Sometimes they just don’t know what the fuck to say. Case in point, tittylicious wailer of shitty pop hits, Katy Perry. She has recently come under fire for something she said on social media in regards to her new hair style.
Referring to no one in particular, Katy took to Instagram to discuss her new ‘do by looking into the camera and saying “Aww, someone says, ‘I miss your old, black hair. Oh, do you miss Barack Obama as well? Okay, times change. Bye.”
Oprah Still Has “Hope” About Donald Trump Being President…….
Entertainment Tonight caught up with our actual ruler and asked the question that’s on everybody’s minds post-Trump winning the POTUS job – “How does Oprah Winfrey feel?”
Donald And Melania Trump Tour The Dump They’ll Probably Try To Tear Down To Build A Gold Palace
The day after thousands of people took to the streets to protest against America’s future evil orange overlord, the hardened glob of lithium grease and Melania Trump toured the little DC pied-à-terre they’ll move into next year. As Melania strolled through the dusty old shack she’s been forced to downgrade to, she made an internal checklist of all of the things she’ll need to switch out with something gold, crystal or marble. Eventually her internal checklist got so big that she decided to chuck it and declare that bitch a tear-down. Melania will get her husband to use his pull to rip the White House of its landmark status, so they can bulldoze that shanty down and build a gold skyscraper palace fit for the Queen of the United States! No, she’s not going to do that. She’s going to keep everything, even her idol Michelle Obama’s sleepin’ pillow, which she’ll hug and sniff every night.
Licking On Donuts Cost Ariana Grande A White House Performance
Those eyes! The photographer was able to capture truly the fiendish imp that dwells within her! We learned this week that, much like The Blair Witch Project, The Fappening has a sequel. It’s called The Fappening 2: Fuck The DNC. Russia recently infodumped a whole mess of e-mails (20,000!) belonging to high-ranking Democratic National Committee officials via Wikileaks. Besides hating on Bernie Sanders, the leak revealed that Ariana Grande licked herself right out of a gig. Well, the “I hate Americans. I Hate America.” utterances probably didn’t help her, either.
Gawker reports (via the DNC hack that once again proves we should all just go back to paper and pen) Mimi Lite was in consideration to perform at an unnamed White House “gala“for President Obama. (Apparently the kids in “Finance“ are big fans.) Finance chair Zachary Allen asked that Ariana be vetted before they let her hide the fact that she can’t dance from POTUS.
“Ariana Butera,” Deputy Compliance Director Kevin wrote in an incredibly detailed response. “Video caught her licking other peoples’ donuts while saying she hates America; Republican Congressman used this video and said it was a double standard that liberals were not upset with her like they are with Trump who criticized Mexicans; cursed out a person on Twitter after that person used an offensive word towards her brother,”
FYI – “Ariana Grande-Butera” is her real name. So Ariana’s ass was vetted. She was vetted to a crazy extent. They even noted how she tried to blame fat people for #Donutgate. Nevertheless, a guy by the name of (no, really and oh, this poor guy when he was a kid) Bobby Schmuck vetoed the donut-licking USA hater. He vetoed her very simply.
Nope, sorry.
Yes, you’ve been shut down by a guy named Schmuck. Schmuck was right. What if she started licking the various whore derves and desserts at that gala? What if she touched her tongue to several people’s crème brûlées before taking the stage to awkwardly “sexy frug” for POTUS? Thank you, Russia, for bringing this valuable intel to our attention.
Pic: Splash
Kanye West Is Ubiquitous
Our future president Kanye West is everywhere. Go pee. Right now. I guarantee you he’ll be in your damn shower. Hopefully he didn’t bring that wife. In the latest It’s Yeezy’s World news, President Obama gave him some advice on running for POTUS, and Kanye showed up to American Idol.