Hotshot Basketball!

In the early-90s, both the Chicago Bulls wanted to offer me a multi-million dollar, multi-year contract to join their team, but they had trouble finding my phone number and nearly shut their team down, because they didn’t think it was possible to go on if I wasn’t there to make slam dunks for them. At least, I’m guessing that’s what happened, because the 90s was the time that I put the little ball in the little basket at least once while playing Hotshot.

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Professor Allison educates myself and other not-knowing-about-milk-bags Americans about bags of milk after a reader asks her to explain it. But before Allison delivers a quick history of bolso leche, we talk about Armie Hammer and that toe sucking video, Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry’s neighbors being told not to pet their dog, and the push to move Halloween to a Saturday permanently.

We also get into Diddy dating his son’s 22-year-old ex-girlfriend, Celine Dion’s gay best friend allegedly controlling her world, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show getting canceled this year, Kristen Stewart saying she talks to ghost, and the list of foods that will give you a coronary just from hearing about them.

You can find us on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. If you’ve got any kind of question for us or a tip, e-mail us at [email protected]!

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Yesterday, we posted about that (most likely fake) trash bag wedding between YouTubers Jake Paul and Tana Mongeau? I’m talking about the wedding that was 10 minutes long, half an hour late and came complete with a staged brawl? It’s now being reported that there were people who literally paid money in exchange for seeing those romantic nuptials described above. Well, these idiots are lucky, because someone up in the Heavens decided to let them catch a break for their poor choices, and those people are eligible to get their money back because the wedding sucked that badly.

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Armie Hammer made the decision to post about his 2-year-old son Ford Hammer sucking on his feet, and Armie didn’t just post the words, he posted the video in an Instagram Story and decided that’s something his 1.2 million followers needed to see. Armie, stick to liking bondage pics on Twitter!

You know that family with a laissez-faire attitude about nudity around each other or that brother and sister who are so lovey-dovey that they’re bordering on Lannister or when a grandmother innocently comments on the size of her grandson’s girlfriend’s breasts? This is one of those situations and it’s causing everyone to question themselves, realize they’re completely repulsed despite the purported innocence of the goings-on and immediately begin creating memes to deal with their trauma.

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This episode is sponsored (for free) by Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Cheesy Bits Pizza, because that’s what Allison ate before we recorded and it gave her a chemical high that made her hallucinate the image she paints when we talked about the meth gators of Tennessee being a joke. But before that, we talk the Cats trailer (Warning: there’s talk of cat dick in that part), give our thoughts about Forever 21 putting diet bars in orders, and dreamcast Lifetime’s movie on Operation Varsity Blues.

We also quickly get into Natalie Portman as Lady Thor, Miranda Lambert’s cop husband taking a leave of absence from his job, Lance Bass cheering up a crying Britney Spears by coming out, and Snooki’s thoughts on what post-pregnancy sex is like.

We end with using the news of Adrianne Palicki’s 2 month marriage to test Allison’s immense knowledge of shorty celebrity marriages (and yes, she was still high on Stuffed Cheesy Bits Pizza when we did this part).

You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, Spotify, and Google Play. And if you’ve got any ideas, tips or have a question, e-mail us at: [email protected]!

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