Which skinny celeb has a worrying new obsession – meow meow mixed into lemonade? She drinks a pint a day, is wasting away, and is turning into a paranoid wreck.. (3am)

Since I’m as pure as the piss of an Amish baby, I had to Google to find out what meow meow is. Apparently, it’s a kind of Mephedrone. It’s a good thing I Googled it, because I was about to snort crushed up Meow Mix. Anyway, my guess is Kerry Katona?

If you plan on coming out of the closet, make sure you check with this celebrity first. Since he believes that his coming out is more important than your coming out, he will not appreciate your stealing his thunder. In fact, he may even call you up to ask you to put your announcement on hold. We personally think that he should spend more time fixing his own mess of a life rather than calculating how much publicity he can get for disclosing things everyone already knew. (Blind Gossip)

Gay Al Reynolds? One can dream…one can dream….

These C list actor twins once had an interesting visit to a strip club. The twin who has had a worse career found a stripper he liked and took her to the backroom where she took care of him orally. Immediately after she returned, the twin with the greater success took the same girl back to the back room and her perform the same act on him. I guess twins do share everything. (CDAN)

Zack and Cody, you nasty asses go to your room without supper! But seriously, there’s not many twin actors so I’m guessing it’s either Jeremy and Jason London or Shawn and Aaron Ashmore?

Thom Yorke is notorious for throwing cuntified shade at celebrities who try to meet him. Thom will spit at your feet and put the curse of Noldor on your ass if you so much as try to shake his little hand. So how in the name of fuck did Kate Hudson manage to get “comfy” with him at Coachella last weekend? This is some wrong shit.

Some witness-type tells the NYDN that at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, Kate Hudson and Thom Yorke were snuggling together. Maybe the witness ate the wrong kind of peyote and mistook two garden gnomes for Kate and Thom, because this doesn’t make any sense.

Thom sort of looks like an excommunicated Hobbit who gnaws on lizard tails and scares the village children, and Kate is pretty much the spitting image of Dopey, but that doesn’t mean they belong together. In this case, two dwarves do not make a right.

Hopefully, Kate just caught Thom in a vulnerable state (aka stoned and dozed off). Because I’d like to think Thom Yorke would normally bark at Kate until she ran back to her tree hole.

Priscilla Caputo (formerly known as Priscilla Russo) – model, actress, host, collagen hoarder, owner of a pair of museum-worthy eyebrows and Howard the Duck’s favorite wet dream girl!

From what my ass gathered through Google searches, it seems Priscilla sometimes models, sometimes acts in stuff, sometimes hosts crap, but mostly she shows up to events looking like antiduckface.com just exploded all over her mouth. A VISION! Basically, Priscilla is a beautiful sight for sore anal glands.

Everybody should get a glance of Priscilla’s beauty at least once in their lives. Unfortunately, not every creature will get a piece of Priscilla’s gorgeousness since I’m sure she’s been banned from every zoo on the planet. When Priscilla shows up to the zoo, the chimps and baboons get a serious case of the weepies because they know their genitals and anuses will never EVER be able to compete with her plumpity plump lips. And they are right.

Here’s more of the ravishing Priscilla who probably applies lipstick with a paint sprayer. Lisa Rinna, kindly take a seat.

In what I’m hoping is going to become an ongoing series, Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs tackles the dirty job of giving a dramatic reading of Tiger Woods‘ dirty filthy sext messages.

If every time you threw a penny into a fountain you wished that one day your ears will have the pleasure of hearing Mike Rowe whisper the words, “You’re my fucking whore. So when can I have that ass again?,” then your wish has finally come true. You now have a ring tone for everything! Who needs to set their cell phones to vibrate when Mike Rowe’s voice can rock you gently.

Okay, enough with the foreplay! Take off your pants, gently fold them over a chair and press play:

Pic via Flickr – Video via Popeater

For the second time in 12 months, Phoebe Price got into a car crash, which left Mama Cutlets laid up in the hospital with injuries. PP was rattled something serious, because she didn’t even strike one signature pose for the paparazzi! Shit got real.

I mean, there were several firefighters there just waiting to be posed with, and PP ignored them completely. Usually when PP hears the click of a camera, her eyes light up like a drunk on Mardi Gras, her cutlets pop and she gives the paps everything she has! But not yesterday. Hmmm.

You’ve probably been releasing good thought balloons all day, so send one more to Mama Cutlets! Or at least stick a candle in a frozen cutlet.

Whitney Houston’s rep says that she is still laid up in a bed suffering from an upper respiratory infection, so she has been forced to reschedule more dates on her European tour. Damn. Why did I suddenly wonder what Whitney’s sick room stanks like? Let’s not open that door.

Anyway, Whitney was unable to take the stage in Paris last night, and her rep is now saying that she will also have to postpone concerts in Manchester and Glasgow. Dealer’s…..I mean….Doctor’s orders! Whitney is expected to begin her tour in Birmingham, England on Tuesday.

While Whitney’s rep is screaming that she’s got violent nose diarrhea, others are throwing the “crack” word around. It also doesn’t help that in this week’s InTouch, they have a story from some dude who claims he saw Whitney snorting a line of Lohan dust in the middle of a restaurant. From InTouch:

In Touch can reveal shocking claims from onlookers at the Beverly Wilshire hotel in LA who were surprised on March 10 when the singer walked into the bar, appearing disheveled and out of it.

According to eyewitness Marlon David, Whitney was with her ex-husband, Bobby Brown, and she seemed oblivious to who might be watching when she began screaming, “I want a fuckin’ drink!” followed by expletives. While Whitney’s rep vehemently denies that she’s using drugs, David, who was sitting just a table away from Whitney and Bobby, tells In Touch exclusively: “I saw her pull a plastic bag out, put a folded bill to her nose and discreetly snort a line from it of what to me certainly looked like cocaine. She’s extremely thin and looks like a disaster. She’s a hot mess.”

According to David, Bobby — who says he’s now clean — and has lost weight since competing on Celebrity Fit Club — seemed to be disgusted with Whitney’s behavior. “He had so much trouble trying to control her,” says David. “He tried to make her leave, but she wouldn’t. She started yelling his name loudly and calling him a stupid son of a bitch, and he told her to shut the fuck up.”

Aw. It sounds like Whitney and Bobby B are back in love. Quick! Get a camera crew on them NOW! And honestly, what is so bad about Whitney demanding a “fuckin’ drink.” Isn’t that the first thing everyone says when they first walk into a place. We walk into church and scream, “I want a fuckin’ drink!” We walk into a hospital room to visit our ailing aunt and scream, “I want a fuckin’ drink!” We walk into court to answer to charges of disorderly conduct and scream, “I want a fuckin’ drink!” We walk into a private dining room at The Olive Garden for the last supper with Jesus and scream, “I want a fuckin’ drink!”

Furthermore, we shouldn’t assume that Whitney was snorting the bad shit. Maybe it was Miralax to liquefy her doody bubbles? Possible!