Make jokes about these goons catching fire vs. the fact that some people had to be treated for smoke inhalation? This DListed shit is hard! I’ll skirt the line.

LMFAO is so bad that a true music appreciator risked his own life and liberty by setting fire to the auditorium at their concert in Honduras last night. I was feeling the exact same way at that Xtina show I went to, but I had forgotten my candle lighter, accelerant, and dry kindling.

TMZ reports that smoke filled the Coliseo Nacional de Ingenieros arena as the band(?) was wrapping up their dope show last night. The Afro guy and the other one exited stage left and were unharmed, but 15 people had to be treated for smoke inhalation. Fuck, you sit through THAT and then you get your lungs tarred. No justice.

Cops think a “criminal hand” (that’s what I call the hand I fap with) set fire to the electrical system.

As for the hammerheads in question (I mean LMFAO not the arsonist), “Redfoo” (I can’t) Tweeted jokes about the show, and then realized 15 of his fans were laying on the lawn out front sporting oxygen masks. Dick backtracked an hour later.

“Epic concert tonight!!!! Everybody in Honduras, we set the place on fire!!!!” 

“On a serious note. Hope everybody is safe from the fire tonight! love you Honduras!”

Someone sue him.

That was a psychotic and evil thing of the firebug to do. Does anyone else have a fear of stampedes in big crowd situations? The only smoke at a concert should be from Michael K. and Sweetas smoking their good shit (I normally abstain unless I WANT to be on the phone with Chinese take-out every five minutes until the food gets here). However.  I bet if you took a poll of the audience after the assuredly horrible show, some of them might have shrugged and admitted at least understanding where Torchy was coming from.

I hope they name it “Sobakawa Carter.” Beyonce has reportedly checked into NYC’s St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital on the Upper West Side to unstrap that BABIES!!! stand-in pillow. I kid, because unless she’s been eating her and husband Jay-Z’s weight in Taco Bell as a cover, she’s got to be with child.

CBS News (by way of Media Takeout) says that a “celebrity VIP” is taking up half of the hospital’s labor and delivery suite. It’s supposed to be big enough to fit “three deliveries and a dozen overnight guests”. Camera crews to record every second of this baby’s birth for photo sales take up a shitload of room!

We will keep you posted. Or Sweetas and I will. Michael K. just texted us from an Italian jail. He didn’t get arrested, he’s just there looking for especially skeevy dick.

If this IS some faked pregnancy shit, I have questions. How in hell are they going to sneak that illegal immigrant girl into the hospital and fix her under Beyonce so it looks like the actual human child is coming out of Sasha Fierce’s wooka and not the surrogate’s? This poor thing has been holed up in a secret apartment under the pseudonym of “LeToya Luckett” and now she’s about to meet B face-to-back-of-head! There’s going to be some slapstick juggling when they try to get that Serta Memory Foam Pillow Beyonce has had strapped to her out of the way so they can hand Jay-Z the baby. You be sure and get that check for going through all this fuckery, illegal immigrant broodmare girl!

Judging by his expression, the kid on the right saw this shit coming. NFL Hall of Famer (I have straight friends who explain these things) Deion Sanders is pouring lime on the corpse that is his marriage. His wife Pilar tearfully claims she found out on TMZ. Deion’s daughter Deiondra wanted a word with Pilar on this and took it to Twitter. Pilar’s hair isn’t layed like Merry Christmas, according to Miss Deiondra. The names in this mess sound like one of those telenovelas that Michael K.’s abuelita used to beat his brat ass in front of.

Before she unleashed, Deiondra apologized to her father — claiming Deion “is going to be very upset at me 4 he always takes the higher route.”  

 Deiondra writes, “#HowYouDidntKnow but yo boxes have been packed for weeks now.”
She adds, “HowYoTopPriorityBeen yo marriage and yo kids when u flying out to see other n**gas … yeah we know.” 

Deiondra added, “All u had to do was be a supportive wife. Only thing u ever cared about doing with my dad is reality shows.”
“Pilar stop tryna play the victim. Maybe if u would of actually loved my dad and not loved the life he gave you we would be here today.” 

That’s right, Pilar, Miss Deiondra SAW your gold-diggin’ result Louis Vuitton bags packed and ready in the damn hallway! She knew ALL about your dream to be Drunk Ass Tami Roman 2.0 (that’s basketball, though – straight friends)! She SAW your triflin’ ass on Expedia booking booty call flights! Deiondra SEES, bitch!

Pilar’s lawyer says that the Sanders’ marriage is between two adults and “doesn’t involve engaging this kind of faceless accusations made by his child.” It’s going to be hot when Deiondra starts tweeting him with hashtags like #YoClientIsSUSPECT and #HowYoTopPriorityBeenRepresentinThisForkedTongueDevil.

The next time my partner pisses me off, I’m going to ask Miss Deiondra to Tweet his ass with “#HowYouDidntKnow to wash that dish” or “#HowYoTopPriorityBeen taking pics of the dog with Instagram when your damn Dunkin’ Donuts wrappers are piling up on the floor of our car?!?!”

(via TMZ)

Have you ever tried to type while you’re laughing your ass off??  Then you’ll forgive the typos when I tell you that Lindsay Lohan is a changed woman ahahahaha no seriously hahahaha… AHEM!  SHE HAS CHANGED!!  TMZ says that Lilo has turned down numerous (hey, two counts as numerous) offers to host NYE parties because she desperately wants to change her party girl image.

Ms. Jackson if you relevant, cuz’ PETA on her like red paint on a fur muff!

Janet Jackson’s had it shitty since Justin Timberlake ripped her nipple cover off at the Superbowl that time. America blamed the black girl for being sexy(?), and completely forgave the pussy-ass white boy who was equally in on it and then let him make too many fucking appearances on Saturday Night Live.

Janet can barely sell a record now, and she’s been reduced to becoming the spokesass for Nutrisystem! Case in point – the last couple of Nutrisystem spokeswomen have been Topanga from Boy Meets World and Marie Osmond. Those may seem like career lows, but like a phoenix from the ashes – Janet has pissed off PETA by launching a line of dead animal skins with Blackgama. PETA being mad at you keeps you in the spotlight. For a day. But still!

“When Janet Jackson had her infamous ‘wardrobe malfunction’ during the Super Bowl, at least the flesh that popped into view was her own,” writes PETA’s Jeff Mackey. “Unlike the stolen animal skins that she drapes herself with, which are as dead as her taste in fashion (not to mention her career). Ms. Jackson, you’re just plain nasty.”

They’ve named her “Grinch of the Year 2011.” Neither Penny from Good Times or Blackgama has responded. She just can’t hear them through her mink babushka.

My Dad won “Grinch of the Year” in 1986 when he threatened to stand at the bottom of the chimney with a shotgun and blow Santa away when he came down. The joke was on him, because we didn’t have a chimney! He drank.

 (via Buzzfeed)

Damn, was she on the juice, too? Cheeks! Jesus is being the opposite of helpful to Maria Shriver this holiday season. TMZ is reporting that she’s (blue)waffling on actually divorcing husband Arnold Schwarzenegger. Her issue? Going through with the divorce is difficult for her because of her Catholic upbringing. Let’s be honest – does it seem like God has ever really smiled upon the Kennedys? Sweetie, become a Protestant and sign off on those papers.

Shit, there’s no divorce loophole in the Bible for when he fucks the maid full of child? When you actually live through some “he had a whole other secret family and she worked in my house and smiled at me every morning WHILE PREGNANT WITH MY HUSBAND’S CHILD” shit out of a One Life To Live episode? If the Catholic version of God is half the awesome guy he’s supposed to be, he’d ignite a bush and give her the OK in this situation.

Oh, and they spent the holiday together according to People and had “a really nice time.” If the source for the report was Maria, a “really nice time” probably means she did that thing to him from Casino Royale where Daniel Craig got his naked ass sat in the chair without a bottom and got whipped on his ass and balls with big rope.