Night Crumbs

Kiefer Sutherland is trying to be a country singer now and has farted up some song called “Not Enough Whiskey.” Three things: 1. The “There’s not enough whiskey in the world for me to handle Kiefer Sutherland singing country” jokes write themselves. 2. If you have a piece of wood that needs sanding, just raise it up to your speaker and his “Harvey Fierstein after gargling sand” voice will do the trick. 3. It doesn’t cost anything to watch the video, but you’ll still ask for a refund, because Kiefer doesn’t lasso up and ride a Christmas tree in it – Lainey Gossip  

Donnie Wahlberg says that Jenny McCarthy has the face of an angel. Before I make any jokes, I’ll wait for follow-up reports that say that Donnie is both legally blind and insane – Celebitchy

Bethenny Frankel may have undergone surgery to have fibroid tumors removed – Reality Tea

Brit Brit’s Cheetos toe is looking hongray – Drunken Stepfather

FYI: Susan Sarandon is a hardcore member of The Bernie or Bust club, and no, the “bust” part wasn’t in reference to her magnificent chichis – The Superficial 

And here’s Dan Savage’s thoughts on Susan Sarandon’s thoughts on not voting for Hillary Clinton, if you care about that – Towleroad

Janice Dickinson’s case against Bill Cosby can go forward – Jezebel

For the zero of you who haven’t seen them yet, here’s Chelsea Handlers titty knobs – (NSFW) The Nip Slip 

Rachel Bloom has an anthem for the Christina Hendricks of the world – Pajiba

Jessica Lowndes and Jon Lovitz were really, really committed to their pre-April Fool’s prank – Popoholic

Watching these neighbors fight over a property line makes me want to jump into the video and tell them, “I just want to tell you that some people have wars in their countries” – Hollywood Tuna 

And yet, I’d rather watch the plastered lead singer of Puddle of Mudd just sit there by himself for two hours than go to a Justin Bieber concert – WWTDD

Don’t worry, everyone, Michelle Duggar is still brainwashed by Jim Bob Duggar – Starcasm

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom were acting all lovely dovey and gross and shit at Disneyland – Popsugar

The Nanny had a mini reunion – The Berry 

Swedish DJ Avicii is retiring from live shows at the geriatric age of 26, but don’t worry, the DJ world still has Wonky McValtrex – Just Jared

I’ll be back, I have to fly to Mexico to see some real theater and by “real theater” I mean a piping hot piece swinging his big dick around on stage – (NSFW) OMG Blog