Ooooooh Chester Cheetah is going to melt down into a puddle of processed cheese smegma after he hears the news that Brit Brit is in love with another man! Then when Brit hears Chester is now a puddle of cheese, she’s going to run over there and eat him up with Ritz crackers (GONG!). Need. More. Coffee.

So……People has confirmed that Brit Brit is dating her agent Jason Trawick. For months now, there’s been rumors that Jason was rubbing his pork rind all over Brit’s deep fried coochieroni. A source said, “They are totally and definitely dating. Her dad loves him. He’s the best thing that happened to her. He makes Britney really happy, and he’s great with the boys.”

Jason is also one of Brit’s brother’s best friends, so this is pretty much a perfect match for her family. Daddy Spears can now add cupid to his resume, because he probably told Brit that she could either date Jason or the Build-A-Bear he bought her for her birthday. Those were her only choices.

But seriously, this is good news. It’s nice to hear that she finally found a man that isn’t only using her for her money. Oh, wait. What’s his cut as her agent?

And this is also a perfectly perfect match, because if you glance at Jason’s last name really quick, it looks like TRAINWRECK. All aboard!

Why does that headline kind of terrify me? Maybe it’s because I don’t know if the world can handle another human with a laugh like Kendra’s. A laugh that can turn several brain cells to dust in just a few seconds. A laugh that will make you finger fuck your own ears. And now there might be two of those laughs on this planet. Ahhhhh! Jump for your lives!

Kendra tells E! that she’s expecting a BABY!!!! with her fiance Hank Baskett. Hmm. That’s a creative way to guarantee a second season of her reality show. And I”m guessing she still doesn’t know exactly how babies are made. She probably burped during sexy times and thinks that had something to do with it. No worries. When her baby turns 2 or 3, it will explain to Kendra how it was made.

Kendra went on to blab, “Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together. We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.” Kendra and Hank are due to get married on June 27th at the Playboy Mansion.

Holly Madison was supposed to be there, but she’ll probably be busy mumbling to herself and slowly tearing out her own weave in a padded cell somewhere after she hears that Kendra got knocked up before she did. So if you see Holly carrying around a little ball of weave hair and cooing to it like it’s her baby, just politely smile and quickly look away.

After years of living in captivity at Richard Gere’s house, this Koala has not fully yet adapted to living again in the wild. – aceonweb

Runners-up:

Kwally was going to reveal he is gay on The Animal Planet Chanel, but decided to wait to come out until he was on the cover of National Geographic Magazine because it would be cooler. – Sluttsville

Smokey says “Only you can prevent forest fires”. We’re not sure who’s in charge of preventing surprise buttsex. – Team Valtrex

(Thanks Brian)

Courtney Crazy from We’s Bridezillas – Courtney may look like a fragile, sweet flower, but when it comes to the game Clue, she turns into a crazy bitch. This is understandable since you never joke about Clue. Clue is serious business. Below is a clip of Courtney about to bust out of her vest over a game of Clue that she wants guests to play at her wedding. I’d like to guess that it was Courtney in the living room and the weapon was her screeching, soul-killing voice.

For MS

Gina Gershon (47)
Leelee Sobieski (27)
Tara Lipinski (27)
Hoku (28)
Jonathan Bennett (28)
Shane West (31)
Faith Evans (36)
Flesh-n-Bone (36)
Elizabeth Hurley (44)
Kate Flannery (45)
Jeanne Tripplehorn (46)
Tony Ward (46)
Vincent Perez (47)
Kim Deal (48)
Kelley Deal (48)
Maxi Priest (48)
Eliot Spitzer (50)
John Edwards (56)

A Quween’s work is never done! When does Quween find the time to get her whites so white, her pinks so pink and her teefs so yellow? It seems that she’s always busy saving celebrities on the famewhore stroll!

Quween doesn’t only protect bitches from the posarassi, she is also a friend and a confidante. Look at how she’s counseling Taraji P. Henson like a traveling preacher. And look at how Taraji is keeping her eyes forward and holding still like she’s got a wasp on her shoulder. Taraji was taught well. The first thing all parents should teach their kids is to never look a crackhead dead in the eye. NEVER! They will either slap you in the teefs (ala Amy Wino) or refuse to leave your side unless you give them something of value (ala Quween). With that being said, I’d give Quween the filling in my molar if she wanted it!