The answer is after the jump! You can put down the bag of Cheetos, because it might not be who you think it is. JUMP!!!!

It’s none other than Sgt. Crazy himself Gary Busey! Every size queen dentist’s wet dream!

Gary is covering all the bases with this outfit and pose. He’s paying tribute to Hitler, Sitting Bull AND Groucho Marx. Work work work it……..

via Bauer Griffin

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael and Kate Major, Star Magazine reporter turned girlfriend of Jon Gosselin, have announced that they are engaged to be married. Cue the cricket farts.

50-year-old Michael tells People that they spent the Easter holiday with Kate’s family so that he could get her father’s approval. 27-year-old Kate cleared the bull feces out of her mouth and then said, “I’m very traditional, so I wanted him to talk to my father. Michael went down with me to Florida for Easter, to meet my father to ask for his permission, and my father gave his blessing. I’m ecstatic. I’m very happy. Michael and I have known each other for four years, and it’s meant to be.”

Michael added, “I’m ecstatic. I’ve never met anyone who’s been there for me like Kate. She’s always been there for me. The one thing about Kate is that she doesn’t come with baggage.”

Doesn’t it make your sphincter itch when two famewhores find love with each other? I’m sure they will share their pure love with the country in a wedding that will be televised on the Fox Reality Channel on a Monday at 3am.

But seriously, Kate’s father must not only hate her, but he also must hate himself. Kate, who has the face of a Bulldog puppy with downs, not only dated Jon Grosselin, but now she’s MARRYING Michael Lohan?! What went wrong?! Kate probably got into her mother’s bathroom cabinet when she was a child and drank an entire bottle of Summer’s Eve. She hasn’t been the same since.

After a year long absence, Paula Abdul explains what she’s been up to through interpretive dance. – sugar free

Runners-up:

Kathy Lee Gifford at 10:05am. – rubyvicious

After discovering fried foods and iced cream, Gwenyth Paltrow continues her groundbreaking tour of what the little people eat and drink. – sushi

Public outrage grows louder when a photo is leaked of one of Jesse James’ ho’s pretending to be a defeated France. – jazzfish_77

via Buzzfeed

Lois Aldrin, the moon goddess wife of astronaut Buzz Aldrin!

When Buzz Aldrin visited the moon in 1969, he secretly grabbed a celestial pearl from a lunar flower and brought it back to Earth with him. Buzz placed the fragile pearl in a crystal cut plastic bowl filled with Shalimar, top-shelf gin and blue rinse. Every night, Buzz sang “Moon River” to the pearl and showed it pictures from the Alfred Dunner catalog until it finally grew into the mood goddess you see before you years later. Buzz married the pearl in 1988.

I was hoping to name Lois HSOTD the day after Buzz won Dancing with the Stars, but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. Buzz was voted out last night, but it’s really no loss for him. Who needs that Dollar Store disco ball trophy when you’ve got Lois? The spectrum of colors that beam from Lois’ forehead rival that of any disco ball.

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