Missed Opportunities: Dining at Dead Mobster where you can be eating with the fishes. – CS182

Upvote winner:

Fur-Maid. – Tart of Darkness

Pic: Tosh.0

Baxter, the bossy pussy in the Meow Mix commercial from 1997!

Ever since the 1970s, the Meow Mix commercials have starred a pussy moving their pussy lips to the “Meow Meow Meow” jingle. While doing research for this HIGLY IMPORTANT post, I read that the singing cat happened accidentally. Jerry Della Femina, an ad man who worked on the commercial, said that during the shoot, the ginger cat choked on cat food and the executives to decided to play the jingle over the footage for a “lip-synch effect.” That pussy almost DIED and they turned its moment of death into a cutesy bit in a damn commercial. Don Draper is so the ad executive who came up with that idea.

In 1997, Meow Mix took the “Meow Meow Meow” chant to terrifying new levels. They put out a commercial starring Baxter, a cat who could call his human on the car phone during carpool time and make demands. The commercial sent a jolt of fear through every cat owner, because if pussies could call us up and make demands, we’d be doomed and we’d go broke from trying to pay off our carphone bill.

It’s a good thing Baxter couldn’t see those haters (aka the dude rolling his eyes and the lady throwing a stank face while filing her nails), because if he could, they’d have to change their phone number all the time. They’d constantly get calls in the middle of the night from a “mysterious cat” who’d let out a “meow meow meow” in a threatening, whispery tone. And yes, a whispery “meow meow meow” translates into: “I’m going to kill you.”

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Social activist and author dream hampton, who worked on Jay Z’s book Decoded, claims that Jay and Beyonce quietly spent thousands of dollars on bailing out protesters in Baltimore and Ferguson. Okay, but that’s still not going to get me to actually subscribe to that Tidal shit – Lainey Gossip 

The crazed Robsten fangirls are still throwing racist shit at FKA Twigs – Celebitchy

Translation: Kathy Hilton doesn’t want the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills producers to fire her sister Kim Richards, because if they do she’ll have to pay her bills – Reality Tea 

Former home wrecking hero Sienna Miller is in a two piece – Drunken Stepfather

Natalie Portman showed her chonies in Cannes and that’s great and everything, but the hell kind of tattered Black Swan ice skating costume is she wearing? – The Superficial

Salma Hayek’s life-saving magnificent chichis almost cured my hangover – Hollywood Tuna 

The time I mistook a ginger ScarJo for a ginger Megan Fox – Popoholic

Jay Z’s got 99 problems and spitting out dumb shit during a freestyle about Tidal is one of them – The Wrap

If you were Robin Thicke’s dog, you too would need to be stoned as shit to deal with his douche ass – Defamer

Beyonce and Nicki Minaj had some free time during Coachella, so they threw together a video for “Feeling Myself” and released it on Tidal where it was exclusive for about 2 seconds (I’m being generous) – Jezebel

Wonky McValtrex queefed up another song and yes, it’s awful, but it’s still better than “Pretty Girls” – OMG Blog

The mess that is Josh Brolin is going to marry his assistant – ICYDK

Jaden Smith wore his white Batman suit to prom because of course he did – HuffPo

The Mick Jagger wannabe from One Direction gave the blondie one a quick hernia check at the Billboard Music Awards – Just Jared 

Panty Creamers of the Day: 3 out of 5 New Kids showed off their 40-something cum gutters and nipples – SOW

The Photoshop Awards: Chris Pratt looks more like Paul Rudd than Chris Pratt on the cover of GQ – Popsugar

“Weirdo,” said my dog who swallows food whole – The Berry 

Pic: Wenn.com

One of Rebel Wilson’s ex-classmates is pissed that she gets to be the young, fetus age of 29 and they have to be the decrepit, one-foot-in-the-grave, dusty butt hole age of 36. So they exposed Rebel Wilson to an Australian tabloid and called her old ass out for lying about EVERYTHING. The unnamed classmate says that many years ago Melanie Elizabeth Bownds killed Rebel Wilson, fed her body to the crocodiles and took over her name, age and identity. No, but the classmate claims that Rebel is lying about her age and upbringing. Commence pearl clutching!

Rebel Wilson’s Wikipedia page used to say she’s 29 (it’s since been changed). The old classmate tells Australia’s Woman’s Day that she’s not 29 and they didn’t know her as “Rebel” then. The old classmate also says that Rebel didn’t grow up in the “ghetto” like she claims and she was actually raised in an upper middle class family.

“She’s clearly got a vivid imagination. Maybe you have to tell stories to make it in Hollywood! I studied with Rebel at Tara Anglican School for Girls in North Parramatta, Sydney. But no-one knew of a Rebel Wilson. Her name is – or was – Melanie Elizabeth Bownds, and she’s 36 – she was born in 1979 and we left school in 1997. She was definitely not the class clown; none of us remember her being funny.”

The pissed off old classmate even coughed up the receipts:

The pissed off old classmate may think that they’re giving the world some juicy ass information, but they really aren’t. Rebel has said before that she and her siblings (Ryot, Liberty and Annachi) didn’t want to be teased at school so they went by their middle names. She also said that Wikipedia has her age wrong, but she wouldn’t say how old she is. Rebel joked about this shit on Twitter and gave me a new phrase (tall poppy syndrome) while doing so:

OMG I’m actually a 100 year old mermaid formerly known as “CC Chalice” ….thanks shady Australian press for your tall poppy syndrome x Okay but all jokes aside now…my real name is Fat Patricia x

Even if she did lie about her age, who cares. She wouldn’t be the first or the ten thousandth. Next, Rebel Wilson’s old classmate is really going to make me die of shock by telling me that Catherine Zeta-Jones, Beyonce, Jessica Chastain, Gabrielle Carteris, Eminem, Nelly, Ginger Spice, Agyness Deyn and Charo all lied about their age too. Actually, if they told me that I’d say “Who?” because I barely turned 18 and I don’t know who any of those old hos are.

Here’s Melanie Bownds shooting a movie in NYC with Dakota Johnson today.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

The inspiration for the high note that Mimi lets out at the end of “Infinity” has been found!

Below is what happens when a cockatoo named Harley discovers that her voice becomes all echo-ey when she screams into a cup. I had the same kind of reaction when I learned what singing into a fan does. Harley doesn’t know it, but she’s also reenacting what I do on a Monday morning when I’ve got a mug in my hand and I realize that I’m all out of coffee.

via The Daily What