Hot Slut Of The Day!
Disclosing tablets, the snitch ass bitches who will call your nasty teeth out and expose your lazy brushing ways!
Disclosing tablets may look like Dot Candy and also may look like they taste as delicious as chewable Tylenol tablets (Side note: I lived for the taste of chewable Tylenol tablets when I was kid and it’s surprising I didn’t overdose on that shit.), but they are the exact opposite of candy and taste gross. I don’t even know if kids nowadays have to chew on that nasty crap when going to the dentist. They probably all have daVinci veneers installed at birth.
The first or second time I went to the dentist, he made me brush in front of him and afterward, I had to chew on a disclosing tablet. Not only did chewing on a disclosing tablet give me gorgeous tie-die teef (click here if you really need to see what that looks like), but it also showed the plaque I missed while brushing. It turned the plaque either blue or bright red. You also had to be careful with that mess, because if it got on your clothes, it would leave stain and look like Poochie got her period on you.
I’m glad that as a total grown up (HAHAHA) I don’t have to chew on that nastiness when going to the dentist (and neither does Pete Doherty, because I’m sure a disclosing tablet would explode in his hand even before he put it in his mouth). Since I’m an adult now, my dentist just lectures me before taking it out on me with his drill. So much better than those blabbermouth tablets.
Pic: Google
Birthday Sluts
Andrea Barber (39)
Olivia Munn (35)
Ludivine Sagnier (36)
Patrick Wilson (42)
Julian Assange (44)
Audra McDonald (45)
Shawnee Smith (46)
Sandra Lee (49)
Connie Nielsen (50)
Yeardley Smith (51)
Tom Cruise (53)
Thomas Gibson (53)
Hunter Tylo (53)
Montel Williams (59)
Betty Buckley (68)
Gloria Allred (74)
Tom Stoppard (78)
Pic: Getty
Night Crumbs
Matt Damon has a ponytail now. Um, doesn’t Matt realize that Ben Affleck is the one who’s supposed to grow a totally hot post break-up, mid-life crisis ponytail? Matt Damon has never really done things to me, but now that he looks like a clean and shaven Leonardo DiCatchAHo cosplayer, he is doing things to me – Lainey Gossip
Tiger Woods denies passing his always wandering peen to a fellow golfer’s ex-wife, which means he totally passed his always wandering peen to a fellow golfer’s ex-wife – The Superficial
Somebody needs to turn this crazy Christian lady’s extra campy rant into a disco dance remix. It’ll be the perfect thing to play at the reception of a gay wedding – Towleroad
NeNe “I Am A Rich Bitch” Leakes is trying to act like she doesn’t only care about money – Reality Tea
How to make your yoga video a one hundred percent more interesting: get your cat to pussy block the camera – Hollywood Tuna
Why did I just mistake a pregnant Evangeline Lilly for Katey Sagal? – Drunken Stepfather
Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are too famous for some EXCLUSIVO Boston country club – Celebitchy
The new and longer Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp trailer still needs more gay sex. It has gay flirting, but it definitely needs gay sex – The Berry
Everyone’s new favorite panty creamer Ruby Rose walked to her car – Moe Jackson
Kelly Kapowski had another baby – Popsugar
Nicole Scherzinger looks like a fly trying to give sexyface – Popoholic
Marisa Tomei is playing a lesbian billionaire in Empire next season – Just Jared
It actually took longer than I thought for the tabloids to say that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s marriage ate shit because his dick wanted a piece of JLo again – ICYDK
John Travolta really needs to take the new Lex Luthor wig shopping – Egotastic
It’s the end of an era on Sesame Street – SOW
In “EVERYONE saw this coming news,” Diddy will not face felony charges for allegedly attacking his son’s football coach – Variety
Pic: Splash
Former CNN Anchor Lynne Russell And Her Husband Were Involved In A Deadly Shoot Out At A Motel 6
Lynne Russell, who was an anchor on CNN Headline News for 18 years, and her husband Chuck de Caro, who was a special assignments correspondent on CNN in the 80s, were staying at a Motel 6 in Albuquerque, New Mexico when their night turned into some shit out of a Michael Mann movie.
Lynne has a black belt and Chuck used to be a Green Beret, so you know they’re members of the Not The One Club. CNN says that on Tuesday night, Lynne and Check stopped at the Motel 6 during a road trip from DC to California. It was just before midnight when Lynne left their room and went to their car to get something. Lynne noticed a strange dude throwing her looks. As she walked back to her room, the strange dude followed her. When she got to her room, he forced himself in. Chuck was in the shower at the time and when he heard some foolery going on, he walked out naked and wet and found the dude holding a gun to his wife. The Albuquerque Journal says that Chuck and Lynne both tried to reason with the gunman. I’ll pause here as you paint the image of a naked and wet Chuck trying to calm down a robber with a loaded weapon.
Open Post: Hosted By Demi Lovato Giving You Lot Lizard Glamour For Days
Demi Lovato or her stylist (who was most likely the costumer on Avenging Angel) gets it! They know that you haven’t achieved that perfect summer chic look until you’ve put on an outfit that was once worn by an Atlantic City day-shift hooker in the middle of August. Demi Lovato is serving up “5 for a blow, 20 for a lay” vibes.
Demi wore this look of elegance to the launch of her national “‘Cool for the Summer’ Pool Party Tour” on the rooftop of the Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel in NYC. Yes, Demi wore this ho shit uniform to a pool party. You now know what to wear to every pool party you’re invited to this summer. You better start sifting through the bins and racks at Goodwill for a discarded 90s Fly Girl bra and denim diapers. You can make those hot boots yourself using construction netting and a can of black spray paint. And don’t forget to really bring the sophistication by working a melting spray tan like Demi!
Pics: Getty
LeAnn Rimes And Eddie Cibrian Are Allegedly Broke And Owe Their Friends $350,000
I’d make a joke about Brandi Glanville laughing manically as she repeatedly pokes a pin in the wallet area of her Eddie Cibrian voodood doll, but that unemployed troublemaker is in no position to be laughing at anyone’s financial situation. But back to Eddie and his Spitting Image puppet-looking wife LeAnn Rimes. Eddie and LeAnn are allegedly so broke that they have been forced to beg their friends for money. Except it’s not like a “Can I borrow $20?” kind of thing, it’s more like a “Can you loan me a couple hundred thousand dollars” friendship-killing kind of thing.