Angelina Jolie Would Like Brad Pitt To Stop PR Whoring For Christmas
In between her usual holiday activities such as having her child army decorate the United Nations building and choosing which of her 12,025 black dresses to wear at Christmas dinner, Angelina Jolie also completed her holiday wish list. It has but one item – “1. For my ex to stop his lies!.”
Our Lady of the Messy Divorce is reportedly calling “BULLSHIT” on that story about Brad Pitt wanting to have the documents about their custody battle sealed.
Ellen Pompeo Was Criticized For Using Black Emojis
A&E has a show about the Ku Klux Klan coming out. They had originally titled it Generation KKK (tasteful!), but that didn’t fly with the general public. So they changed the title to the rather “we’re really, really sorry for being jaunty about racism“-sounding Escaping the KKK: A Documentary Series Exposing Hate in America. Grey’s Anatomy actress Ellen Pompeo, whose husband is African-American, congratulated A&E for the name change in a tweet. She used some emojis that represented black people. It didn’t go so over well.
Alec Baldwin Wants To Perform At Donald Trump’s Inauguration
Despite our current political situation feeling like we’re all aboard a transatlantic flight when suddenly a complete and utter jackass with no training has been allowed to fly the fucking plane, there is still room for laughter.
This week, when Donald Trump wasn’t bizarrely insisting that more nuclear weapons would solve all of our problems, he bragged about all the A-listers dying to be at his inauguration. The laughter stems from the fact that he might be… hold on to your pearls… lying. President-elect Circus Peanut is reportedly panicking because most celebrities would rather be caught in inappropriate situations with farm animals than be seen at his inauguration. One celebrity, however, has stepped forward to offer their star power.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Santa Claus from Alabama who had to fight for his right to proudly put a HO HO license plate on his Toyota sleigh!
There’s a disturbing epidemic that’s happening in the US right now. DMVs across the land are shitting out a load of coal on requests from Santas wanting to put HO on their ride. One Santa in Salt Lake City had to smear peppermint-infused Crisco on his face, put razors in his beard and ask Mrs. Claus to hold his sack so that he could fight the DMV about his HO HO HO license plate. The DMV eventually gave in. And in Montgomery, Alabama, another Santa Claus (civilian name: Dave Reid) also had to fight the state’s Department of Revenue over his HO HO license plate. The war on Christmas has never been so real.
Birthday Sluts
Ricky Martin (45)
Louis Tomlinson (25)
Austin Stowell (32)
Robert Schwartzman (34)
Michael Raymond-James (39)
Ryan Seacrest (42)
Stephenie Meyer (43)
Renee Baio (44)
Amaury Nolasco (46)
Diedrich Bader (50)
Mark Valley (52)
Mary Ramsey of 10,000 Maniacs (53)
Kate Spade (54)
Lee Daniels (57)
Anil Kapoor (57)
Mary Higgins Clark (89)
Lenny Kilmister (1945-2015)
Ava Gardner (1922-1990)
Howard Hughes (1905-1976)
Pic: Instagram
Carrie Fisher Reportedly Had A Massive Heart Attack On A Plane (UPDATES)
2016 isn’t only going to have the wrath of everyone coming at it, but it’s going have the triple wrath of the nerds coming at it hard… Everyone’s about to turn into Kylo Ren.
TMZ reports that international treasure Carrie Fisher was on a flight from London to LAX today when she went into cardiac arrest. The plane was just 15 minutes from landing in Los Angeles. There was an EMT on board and he went to First Class to give Carrie CPR. There were also doctors and nurses on board and they also helped. After the plane landed at around noon, paramedics took Carrie to a nearby hospital.
60-year-old Carrie was in London with her sidekick/best dog friend Gary Fisher, where they were promoting her book The Princess Diarist. She was also there shooting the new season of Catastrophe.
Actress, writer and YouTube Anna Akana was on the flight with Carrie and said that she wasn’t breathing for about 10 minutes and the EMT was doing CPR up until they landed.
https://twitter.com/AnnaAkana/status/812403915496910848?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
The Los Angeles Times is saying that Carrie is currently in critical condition.
UPDATE: TMZ is hearing that Carrie is currently at UCLA Medical Center and she’s on a ventilator.
UPDATE 2: Carrie’s brother Todd Fisher tells the Associated Press that she is “out of emergency” and is in “stable condition” right now. Does this mean that the vicious fuck wart that is 2016 is finally standing down? I don’t know, but keep the prayer circle going. Gary Fisher is leading the way!
https://twitter.com/Gary_TheDog/status/812440231576301568
UPDATE 3: Variety says that Carrie is in ICU, and Todd tells them that his sister is stabilized but still in critical condition.
Pic: Getty