Marjory the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock

For Michelle

David Charvet (36)
Jamie-Lynn Sigler (27)
David Krumholtz (30)
Ahmet Zappa (34)
Emmitt Smith (39)
Chazz Palminteri (56)
Brian Eno (60)
Lainie Kazan (68)
Madeline Albright (71)

Thank Jeebus for Fantasia! This mess of a bitch added some much needed Lawry’s season salt to tonight’s bland American Idol. Mmmm…Lawry’s season salt.

This bitch was like if Ronald McDonald’s crackhead sister got a shot of the devil in her and was stuffed into a velvet jumpsuit and thrown on stage to perform. Fanny wasn’t even singing. It was more like manic chicken clucking!

View Fantasia’s greatness below. This is how a real American Mess Idol does it!

The look on Simon’s face during her performance pretty much sums it up.

Aww….it looks like they are praying. Well, except for Fetus Archeluta. He looks like he’s staring at a juicy banana. He sort of looks like a lil’ monkey. So….find out which one of these whores went home after the jump. JUMP!!!!

DUH! I don’t know why even bothered watching this shit tonight. I should have browsed the glory holes instead. What a waste! Even that fraudulent psychic Sylvia Browne could have predicted this shit. I only watched to see if either a) Paula Abdul lost it and bit Archeulta’s head off or b) David Cook or Fetus went home. None of the above happened tonight.

Fetus is really starting to get to me. I want to slap the Gomer Pile out of him. If I had a tween daughter and she worshiped him, I would kick her out of the house. Plain and simple. This Archuleta obsession must stop! Ugh. He’s totally going to win. Fuck this. I’ll drown my sorrows in Grey Goose. That’s probably what Paula’s doing right now. A Grey Goose martini with a sprinkling of Vicodin on top.

Click here to see tonight’s elimination