The House of Mouse is cranking up Take That today and crooning out “Rule The World” because it can apparently buy and sell us all. Its deal to buy a healthy chunk of 21st Century Fox means Mickey And Minnie will be EVERYWHERE!
CNBC says Disney is reaching a deal to acquire Fox’s television production and studio assets. While I’m sure Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck could do a better job than any of those hyenas on Fox News, the deal will apparently leave the news and sports assets still under Rupert Murdoch’s control. Whew! How else would he pay for Jerry Hall’s highlights?! Comcast is also in talks to buy off the Fox assets, but apparently the Disney negotiations are way further along. Thank God. Comcast can barely work my Internet, so how in HAIL are they going to run something else?
The deal would basically give Disney channels like National Geographic Channel, as well as regional sports networks, movie studios and stakes in Hulu and Sky. The value of those assets is estimated to be north of $60 billion. What’s left for Rupert? The Fox broadcast network, Fox Sports, and the news and business news divisions. I’m a little shocked he’d want to hold onto Sean Hannity like that, but Disney was apparently only offering one of those giant turkey legs from Disney World in exchange for him. Allegedly.
Case in point, former Hot Slut of the Day AND Month and fabulous icon for dogs everywhere GARY FISHER! You know a movie premiere is major event when A-list celebrity dogs are invited. I bet Amanda Seyfried’s famous pooch Finn called up his agent immediately after he saw this picture and barked them out for not scoring him an invite. Gary came with his human, Carrie Fisher, and her daughter, Billie Lourd. Billie has the right idea. Rather than attempt – and inevitably fail – at trying to yank some attention away from Gary, just accept it and guide everyone’s eyes to the true star of the family.
There was also some fabulous non-dogs at the premiere for the Absolutely Fabulous movie too. The premiere was held earlier today in London, of course. And if there’s anything I know about British people, they are really good at bringing ten tons of tacky glamour to an event. Let’s take a look at some of the best, shall we?
Get your rice and subscription to sugardaddyforme.com out, because it’s time to celebrate! Texan supermodel and former wife of Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall married 80s movie villain and billionaire, Rupert Murdoch. The two love birds finally tied the knot yesterday in London in a private civil ceremony and then had the church ceremony today at St. Bride’s Church, reports People. Michael gave you the rundown on this fairytale, so for real, totally for love union the other day, but I’ll refresh your alcohol soaked minds.
Jer and Rupes – that’s what I call them. So cute, right? Write it all over your notebooks. – announced back in January that they were engaged after only four months of fancy dinners, in-home nurse assisted intercourse and, I’m sure, Pretty Woman style diamond necklace box finger snapping. Jerry is Rupert’s fourth wife (Wendi Deng 4ever!!!) and Rupert is Jerry’s first official on paper husband. Her marriage to Mick Jagger was declared null and void. Jerry has four kids with Mick and Rupert has six from two previous marriages.
The ceremony was an hour long and included a full choir and their children leading the speeches and celebration of true love ever lasting. Listen, even if my dad was Mick Jagger, I’d be high kicking, cancaning and singing the holy gospel if my mom was marrying a billionaire. Mick is loaded to the gills but Rupert has buy your own country kind of cash coin money dollar.
The bride wore blue (and flats! good for her!) and the groom wore navy. The bridesmaids, Jerry’s daughters, Elizabeth and Georgia Jagger, wore matching light blue dresses that they actually could wear again. Notable guests included frog lookalike Andrew Lloyd Weber, Michael Caine and former editor of The Sun, Rebekah Brooks. The church, St. Bride’s, is referred to as the “journalist’s church” because it’s on Fleet Street, London’s HQ for publishing, so it makes sense Rupes would want his (fourth) special day there considering he IS publishing. The church also has a memorial plaque dedicated to Rupes’s father, Sir Keith Murdoch, so that’s another Precious Moments figurine for you. I really do wish these two crazy kids all the best and happiness. If that dirty money has to go to someone, who better than Jerry Hall?! Hello! She gave us ‘Kept‘!
Check out the gallery for pictures from the day true love was truly defined:
Jerry Hall and her super villain billionaire boo Rupert Murdoch announced a couple of days ago that they’re getting married this Saturday, but I guess these two crazy kids just couldn’t wait to legally bind their everlasting and genuine love. Because Jerry and Rupie officially got married today. They celebrated their new legal union by posing for photographers. This picture definitely warmed my no-heart, because Jerry Hall has glow about her. It’s the kind of glow that covers your face when the direct deposit from your job hits on Thursday night instead of Friday morning.
The BBC says that 59-year-old Jerry Hall and 84-year-old Rupert Murdoch got married in a civil ceremony at Spencer House in London today. It was just a ceremony to make things legal. Their big wedding ceremony will happen tomorrow at St. Brides church. Jerry and Rupie have only been pounding each other’s fuck parts for a few months and they got engaged around 7 weeks ago. I hope all of the drugstores in London are fully stocked with KY, because Rupert is going to tear his wife’s ass up tonight.
Jerry is now the real-life Bond villain’s fourth wife and Rupert is Jerry’s first husband since her marriage to Mick Jagger was declared null and void. Rupert has 6 children and Jerry has 4 children with Mick Jagger.
Because we’re all dead-hearted money-grubbing whores who don’t think that true love exists, we’re probably all wondering one thing: What about the prenup? Silly us! Jerry obviously married Rupert because she’s never felt a love like this before and she’d be with that demon frog even if his banks accounts were as empty as his soul. So I’m sure she proved that her love for him is genuine by signing a prenup that states she gets NOTHING! Or maybe when she was about to sign the prenup, she yelled, “Look! A giant Werther’s Original,” and as Rupert looked away, she quickly switched out the papers with papers that state she gets EVERYTHING!
Either way, congrats, you two love birds.
Pics: Getty, AP
Here’s the love birds at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party this past Sunday. Jerry’s chichis look magnificent. Being almost-married to a billionaire is doing wonders for them. Although, her chichis do kind of look like twin Rupert Murdoch heads. Why did I go and ruin it by saying that?
Everyone’s faith in pure organic love was restored in January when 59-year-old Jerry Hall and evil billionaire mogul 84-year-old Rupert Murdoch announced that they got engaged after 4 months of being together. We all figured that these two would have one of those long engagements and spend the next couple of years planning their perfect wedding. We also figured that Jerry Hall wouldn’t worry about making it legal right away and would just enjoy Rupert’s body pounding against her before busts a load of cum dust up into her. But these two are in a rush to become husband and wife. Reuters says that Jerry will become Rupert’s fourth wife and Rupert will become Jerry’s first husband at St. Bride’s Church in London this Saturday. They have already invited 150 guests. The marriage service will happen at St. Bride’s and the ceremony will be somewhere else.
“He will be having a service to celebrate the marriage,” Claire Seaton from St Bride’s told Reuters. She said the actual wedding ceremony would take place elsewhere.
If you’re hearing the repeated sound of a cocking of a gun (I said cocking of a gun), because you think this is a SHOT GUN situation (Ha. I wish!), then you’re mistaken. That sound you hear is the sound of a clock ticking away, because Rupert is 84 years old and Jerry is wasting no damn time. The last time Jerry got “married” was to Mick Jagger and the marriage was later declared null and void by the court because their ceremony wasn’t official. So when Jerry gets married to Australian Mr. Burns on Saturday, she better have a team of lawyers and Judge Fucking Judy at her side to make her it’s 100% valid.
2016 isn’t messing around and has wasted no time in showing 2015 how to really bring the WTFness. Jerry Hall has joined Mariah Carey in The “Getting On An Australian Billionaire Who Looks Like A Character from Shrek” club. Jerry Hall has been rubbing her fuck parts all over Rupert’s frog king-looking ass for a few months now. And now they’re engaged! In the back of my mind, I always knew that Jerry Hall would one day become the glamorous wife of a real-life Bond villain.
59-year-old Jerry and 84-year-old Rupie announced their engagement in The Times, which his company owns. The Guardian says that Jerry and Rupert got engaged over the weekend in Los Angeles, where they were for the Golden Globes. So on Sunday, Jerry Hall was probably laughing at all of us desperate messes going crazy over Powerball, because she already won and all she had to do was lick on two power balls. My idol and hero! Here’s their announcement:
Mr Rupert Murdoch, father of Prudence, Elisabeth, Lachlan, James, Grace and Chloe Murdoch, and Miss Jerry Hall, mother of Elizabeth, James, Georgia and Gabriel Jagger, are delighted to announce their engagement.
This will be Rupert’s fourth marriage. His divorce from his last wife, Ride Or Die Wendi Deng, was finalized in 2013. This will be Jerry’s first marriage. Some source told The Daily Mail that these two crazy messes are really happy, “They have loved these past months together, are thrilled to be getting married and excited about their future.”
Jerry Hall once had a reality show (which yes, I watched) called Kept where she searched for the perfect kept boy toy and now she’s switched it up, because she’s the kept bitch. But really, Heather Mills, the president of The Gold Diggers of the World Association, isn’t going to make Jerry Hall a platinum member just yet. I mean, Jerry Hall has her own money, she doesn’t need Rupert’s billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars. She’s obviously with him because she fell in love with his charred black heart and gets the serious tingles when she licks the curdled sweat from his gargoyle nutsack. It’s true love, okay?