It’s A Sad, Dark, Scary Day For Gold Diggers Everywhere

Today, gold diggers everywhere are liquidating all their gifts from their married sugar daddies and sugar mamis and hiding that money far, far away, because a disgusting, gross, unjustified, anti-gold digging precedent has been set! Gold diggers better make sure that all gifts from their married pieces come in the form of cash and are off the books. Gold diggers better tattoo the words “CASH ONLY” over their fuck parts, because the game has been threatened.

The Associated Press reports that V. Stiviano, the visor-wearing gold digging alien who exposed former Clippers owner Donald Sterling as a racist, bloated wart that fell off of Jabba the Hutt’s asshole, has been ordered by an anti-gold digger judge in Los Angeles to give back the millions he gave to her as gifts. Donald Sterling’s estranged wife Shelly Sterling became gold digger enemy #1 when she demanded in a lawsuit against V. Stiviano that all of the gifts her husband gave his side piece be returned to her. Donald bought V. Stiviano all kinds of lavish shit like fancy cars, a $1.8 million house in Beverly Hills, designer purses, jewelry, stocks, etc… etc… Shelly was not fucking around, because in the list of gifts in dispute she included a $1 donation to St. Jude’s and a birthday cake. Shelly claimed that Donald gave V $3.6 million in gifts since 2010. She asked a judge to force V to repay $2.8 million of that. The judge sided with her.

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V. Stiviano Claims That Donald Sterling Is Gay And She Was Bearding For Him

Because it’s been approximately 10 minutes since V. Stiviano has gotten any attention and her fame whore spot needed scratching, she filed papers today claiming that she never boned the racist hemorrhoid  known as Donald Sterling, because he loves dick and she was his beard. Donald Sterling’s wife Shelly Sterling is suing V. Stiviano, because she says her husband gave that trollop fancy gifts like cars and a house and he was not authorized to do so. The lawsuit has been going on for a while, but TMZ says that today V. Stiviano decided to add a dose of fuckery to it by giving all of us the image of Donald Sterling’s eyes twinkling with sheer happiness as he fills his mouth with man ass. My prostate just fell out of my ass and I better go run after it before it finds a way to open my front door.

Stiviano states … she was “not ever a sexual partner of Donald T. Sterling” and “believes that [Sterling] is a homosexual and enjoys sexual acts and or sexual congress with males.”

In the legal doc, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Stiviano says Shelly was “acutely aware of [Donald’s] sexual orientation and condoned same as well as acknowledged and approved [Donald’s] gifts of money [to Stiviano].”

Stiviano also says the gifts she received were NOT community property — but rather Donald’s separate property.

V. Stiviano has thrown her own lawsuit at the Sterlings for slandering her pristine name by saying that she embezzled money from Donald. She wants at least $10 million.

I don’t know if V. Stiviano is a genius or a complete moron with cold farts for brains. I mean, Donald Sterling had a beard wife AND a beard side piece? A beard wife wasn’t good enough and he wanted to show the world that he’s a super hetero so he got a beard mistress too. That racist sack of burnt foreskins invented double down bearding. John Travolta is getting an ideas.

V. Stiviano is about as trustworthy as a Lohan, but maybe she’s not totally spitting out lies to get attention. He has been accused of doing this:

Donald Sterling would bring women into the locker room after games, while the players were showering, and make comments such as, ‘Look at those beautiful black bodies.’

NOOOOO! NOOO! We don’t want him! You straights take him. We’ll trade him for ANYONE. We’ll take Larry King, okay?

One Of The Dudes Who Allegedly Punched V. Stiviano In The Face Turned Himself Into Police

There’s been a surprising development for those of us jaded, dead-hearted whores who squinted our eyes at the “V. Stiviano beat by racist strangers” story and thought there might be a chance that she was using the skills she learned at Tila Tequila’s Community College of Stunts. One of the shits nuggets who allegedly punched her in the face turned himself into the NYPD yesterday.

The NYDN says that 40-year-old Dominick Diorio of Staten Island was id’d from surveillance footage and Donald Sterling’s side piece pointed him out in a line-up. He turned himself in and was charged with assault as a hate crime and aggravated harassment. The NYDN says that Domidick and his friend were eating at the same restaurant as V. Stiviano and were drunkenly making fun of her as she ate. When she left the restaurant, they followed her outside and called her a “fucking nigger bitch” before punching her in the head and face. She was punched again and one of them said he was going to “slaughter” her.

Two people who witnessed the fight chased the racists down and whooped their asses. The cops found them bloody and lying on the sidewalk and Domidick and his racist partner in lady beating crime convinced the cops that they just fell and nothing illegal went down.

The NYPD says that the second suspect is still out there and they’re trying to track them down. Hmm, has the NYPD asked the racist stripper mom of Western New York where she was on Sunday night?

Here’s V going to the police station yesterday while wearing a sunglass visor to protect her sunglasses from harmful rays.

Pics: Splash

V. Stiviano Allegedly Attacked By Racists In NYC (UPDATE)

Seen above culturally appropriating Daft Punks on Cinco de Mayo, the gold digger who helped to bring on the demise of the racist lizard Donald Sterling was allegedly jumped, beaten and called a racial slur by two racists outside of the Gansevoort Hotel in the Meatpacking District yesterday. A lawyer for V. Stiviano (born name: Vanessa Perez) told the New York Post and everybody else that last night, she was leaving a restaurant when two white guys punched her in the face and called her a “nigger.” Naturally, V. Stiviano’s lawyer ran off to the press before running off to the police, because it was 7pm on a Sunday and he had to get to the Post before they started printing Monday’s edition! Priorities: Dude has his in check.

The Post says that after V. Stiviano and a group of her friends left a restaurant near the Gansevoort, they got into a verbal fight with each other on the street. Two stranger dudes jumped into the fight and punched her in the face several times while calling her a bunch of slurs. People walking by broke up the fight and V. Stiviano ran off. A bouncer for the Gansevoort told the Post that he saw the fight go down, but his eyes didn’t see V. Stiviano get punched and his ears didn’t hear any racial slurs. The manager of a restaurant in the Gansevoort said that a customer saw V. Stiviano get punched:

“One of the patrons who saw the whole thing said they saw one guy punch her in the face out of nowhere. So they got into a tussle and she tried to get away. Some people tried to break up the fight. One of the guys who was trying to beat her up ended up really bloody.”

Police officers apparently found the bloody racist lying on the sidewalk outside of the Gansevoort. He told the police he slipped and fell and a woman came at him, but he didn’t want to press charges. V. Stiviano’s lawyer tells the Post that she hasn’t filed a police report yet and the side of her face that got punched is all red, but she’s going to be fine.

Something in the milk is Tila Tequila-ish about this.

I’d one hundred percent believe V. Stiviano if she claimed the two racists also screamed about how they’re avenging their racist lizard king. I’d figure that Donald Sterling sent his goons after her. But I don’t know… If two rotten dick seeds punched me in the face and called me slurs, I’d scream fire, I’d scream 911, I’d scream for the police, I’d scream for an ambulance, I’d scream for the SWAT Team, I’d scream for the FBI, I’d scream for the Navy, I’d scream for Obama, I’d scream for Olivia People, I’d scream for Batman and I’d even scream for Val Kilmer as Batman. I don’t think I’d ever scream for the Post and Radar. But maybe that’s just me.

UPDATE: TMZ says that V. Stiviano finally filed a police report.

Donald Sterling Has Handed Over Control Of The Clippers To His Wife Shelly

Apparently, Jabba the Racistt has ditched all plans to fight the NBA for his basketball team. When Adam Silver, the commissioner of the NBA, banned Donald Sterling and vowed to force the sale of the Clippers, the deep fried racist bloated frog promised to fight those bitches, because nobody is going to take away his precious plantation, I mean team, team. But both ESPN and TMZ says that he has raised up a white flag (which he made out of his white hood) and has handed the Clippers over to his estranged wife Shelly Sterling.

TMZ’s source says that the cold, hard truth finally penetrated through Donald’s hard skull and he realized that the NBA will get the votes needed to force him to put the Clippers up for sale. So he’s given complete control of the team to Shelly Sterling and she, along with her lawyer, are negotiating with the NBA to sell the Clippers. Shelly wants to sell the Clippers, but she wants complete control of the sale and wants to make every decision. If the NBA orders an involuntary sale (meaning, they tell Shelly, “You have to sell all your shares to this bitch, because we say so”) then Shelly will drag their asses to court. ESPN’s source says that it’s not known how much of a share Shelly’s willing to sell. The NBA wants the Sterlings to sell the Clippers in its entirety.

I know that Shelly Sterling is obviously a horrible monster herself and is in CAHOOTS with Donald even though she’s suing his gold digging side trick and made eyes roll by saying she was shocked by the racist garbage that spewed out of his mouth. But I still hope that she wakes up and uses her powers for good. What I mean by that is that I hope at one of the Clippers games, she fills the audience with Magic Johnson cardboard cutouts and then films Donald Sterling’s reaction which would probably include his turtle head popping off of his body.

Donald Sterling Makes Some Very Donald Sterling-y Comments About Magic Johnson And AIDS

The interview between racist dried dog turd (no disrespect to dog shit) Donald Sterling and Anderson Cooper aired last night on CNN’s AC360 and in between blaming his side-piece for being a tricky sneaky-snake who forced all those racist words into his mouth, and looking like the evil villain in a Claymation movie about melting assholes, he handed humanity yet another reason to detest this subhuman ingrown taint hair by speaking some truly offensive words about Magic Johnson (no!) and AIDS (NO!!):

“He acts so holy. He made love to every girl in every city in America, and he got AIDS,” said Sterling. “I didn’t criticize him. I could have. Is he an example to those children?”

Later, Sterling returned to the subject of Johnson, asking Cooper: “What has he done?”

When Cooper attempted to answer that Johnson is a business person, Sterling interjected: “He’s got AIDS…I think he should be ashamed of himself. I think he should go in the background.”

Sterling seemed to believe that Johnson’s race had something to do with his inability to give back to the community.

“Jews, when they get successful, they will help their people,” said Sterling. “Some of the African Americans, they don’t want to help anyone.”

He also accused Anderson Cooper of being a racist (“HOW DARE YOU” – Michael K), and claimed he can’t be a racist because “they all want to play golf with me.” Then his nurse came in with a dixie cup full of pills and reminded him that Matlock is on in 5 minutes.

I know it’s only May, but I think it’s safe to go ahead and have Donald Sterling’s name engraved on the Shittiest Human of 2014 trophy (sorry, pile of poo shaped like a human, better luck next year). First of all, Magic Johnson has HIV, not AIDS, you senile piece of garbage. Secondly, Magic Johnson is a hero and a role model who’s foundation continues to give back to the community. The only thing Donald Sterling has given back to the community is a reference for an animal drawing class at the Y that was unable to book a live lizard.

And since he blamed all his racist statements on V. Stiviano’s ventriloquism, let’s start the countdown to see when he tries to blame all his backwards AIDS talk on Anderson Cooper. “I was baited by that handsome silver-haired man. Why would he make me say such awful things about Magic Johnson’s AIDS? I don’t hate AIDS; I play golf with AIDS.”