Earlier this year, Anne Hathaway, a name that makes some reach for the bottle, became the Can’t Relate poster mom to parents who let their screaming brats know they’re going to be in the bathroom with diarrhea for a while but are really guzzling down a bottle of pink wine to deal with the madness of being a parent. Anne was on Ellen and told Ellen DeGeneres that a drop of the sweet nectar won’t touch her tongue until her 3-year-old son leaves the house. Anne said that she said goodbye to booze after picking up her son from school while hungover. And now she tells Boston Common magazine that if they gave Oscars for hangovers, she’d definitely win one (after campaigning like hell for it, I’m sure), because her hangovers are like no other and that’s why she’s done with booze for a while.
Funny, because most of us were really sick anytime we saw Anne Hathaway out on the press tour for Les Miserables! When Anne was playing Fantine, most of us took it as Oscar bait. Not only did Anne get a G.I. Jane haircut for the role, she also lost 25 pounds. I didn’t know Anne had 25 pounds to lose, and apparently her body didn’t either. Anne said the weight loss fucked up her body in a big way…but she’s all good now!
Anne Hathaway has stopped drinking alcohol. But she isn’t an alcoholic or anything, instead she’s doing it because of her two-year-old son. How cute… and horrifying. Can you imagine raising children without a chilled bottle of vodka sitting in your freezer? Pass.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
If you think the world needs more Rihanna movies, you need your head checked. But you’re also in for a not-that-bad trailer for Ocean’s 8. The trailer gives further details on how the lady Oceans will be robbing RiRi’s favorite spot to rule: the Met Gala!
As you know from the first trailer, Sandra Bullock is supposed to be Debbie Ocean, the sister to George Clooney’s Danny Ocean from the original trio of films. While we don’t see George, we do see that Anne Hathaway is supposed to be some high-falutin’ actress who goes to the Met to hobnob and wear diamonds that the Debbie-led gals try to snatch. Since they’re all later seen on the subway together, I think it might be safe to assume Anne is in on the heist…or they just took a break from larceny to show her Times Square. The new trailer reveals each member of the heist is promised $16.5 million if they take part in the jewelry theft at Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite night of the year.
Cate Blanchett is on hand to show more of that mop wig and Party City leopard print coat. Rihanna is supposed to be the tech wiz of the whole operation, and Helena Bonham Carter should get at least $20 million for wearing a busted Marie Antoinette wig to a fictional version of Anna Wintour’s Death Star of a night in May.
Speaking of Anna Wintour, I really hope there’s a plot twist and it’s revealed that she’s the ringleader of the whole thing. I smell a sequel!
According to Anne Hathaway, Anne Hathaway has been bulking up in the gym for an upcoming role. In order to get a jump on body shamers and the fatty police, Anne’s preemptively letting them know it won’t bother her. Anne posted her workout routine to Instagram with a direct message to all the haters out there: “it’s not me it’s you” which would be a sick burn it it made any sense at all.