The last time I wrote about Amanda Bynes, she had been released from her 5150 hold by a hearing officer who really thought it would be a brilliant idea for her to leave the hospital and go out into the wild on her own. Amanda also tried and failed to get control of her money again. Since then, Amanda’s reportedly been living with her hairstylist and she survives on the AMEX gift cards her parents give to her lawyer to give to her. Today, TMZ says that Amanda’s mom and dad, Lynn and Rick Bynes, are completely burnt out and have reached the edge. So they’re handing the keys to the conservatorship over to a professional and are busting out of California.
A source says that Amanda’s parents will ask a judge to transfer the conservatorship to a mental health professional whose job is to deal with situations like this. They’ve also picked out a money manager who will handle their daughter’s money. Since Amanda throws tweets of pure hate at her parents and doesn’t really want to have anything to do with them, they’ve decided that it’s probably a good idea for them to step away and let a pro handle it. They hope that if they’re not in control, she’ll start talking to them again and they can have a relationship. They’re originally from Texas and their eldest daughter lives there, so they’re moving out of L.A. and going back to Texas Texas Texas, going back to Texas. When I started that sentence, I had no idea it would end like that, but sometimes the spirit of LL Cool J takes over your fingers and you have to go with it.
During the past few days, Amanda has been tweeting about how pissed off she is at her mom and dad, because all of her clothes are at their house and they won’t give her money to buy new shit. She says she’s been taking her meds and seeing her psychologist regularly, so she’s fine.
I’m no expert (I can say that about most things except “being lazy” and “watching shitty TV”), so I don’t know if this is the right move or not. But it sounds like it. It seems like Amanda’s ears close every time her parents speak and she’s not even trying to listen to their asses. Maybe a professional can convince her to go back into the hospital for more than a minute before she tries to once again blow up the driveway of a mushroom kingdom. I was going to say that Lynn and Rick should hire Daddy Spears as their daughter’s conservator, but Amanda’s net worth is ONLY $5 million, so they can’t afford his monthly fee. Velveeta cheese and grits cost.
It was reported a few days ago that Amanda Bynes’ doctors were able to get a judge to approve an extra 30-day psychiatric hold, which meant that she’d stay in the hospital until next month. Well, some hearing officer took that 5150 hold and shat all over it, because she’s out of the hospital and is back on Twitter.
TMZ says that Amanda got in front of a hearing officer at the psychiatric facility she was in and asked to be released back into the wild after being in there for 2 weeks. That hearing officer’s title should be changed to hard-of-hearing-seeing-and-thinking officer, because they granted Amanda’s wish and let her sashay out the exit door. TMZ’s source says that Amanda was “lucid” in front of the hearing officer and he felt she was stable enough to make her own decisions. He pissed on the 30-day hold and approved her release. Even though Amanda has been taking meds, her doctors believe that she’s still in a bad way and needs a lot more treatment before facing the outside world.
Amanda was released right away and roamed Sunset Blvd. for a bit before going to a diner where she ordered a bunch of food. The server said that she came alone and “mumbled” to herself. TMZ says that after she ate, Amanda tried to get a room, but several hotels turned her away. Who knows where she ended up.
Amanda’s mom was able to get another conservatorship and I don’t know if that means she can go to court and force her daughter back into the hospital. She might only be able to control Amanda’s finances. I don’t know. The only thing I know about the law I learned while watching Judge Judy and Judge Judy hasn’t covered this sort of thing. Now if this story was about one of Amanda’s friends asking her to co-sign on a loan, I’d say, “Judge Judy says not to do it, Amanda!”
She (or someone pretending to be her) has been tweeting and deleting tweets all morning long. She once again claims that her dad abused her and says her parents worked with Sam Lutfi to get their hands on her money. She’s planning to take her parents to court to get control of her money again. She also tweeted (and deleted) that Sam Lutfi is evil. Well, she’s not wrong about that.
UPDATE: Amanda’s lawyer went to court today to try to take control of her cash and fire her mom as her conservator. The judge denied her and her mom is still in charge of her money. Amanda didn’t show up to court, but her lawyer told the judge that he’s making sure she takes her meds. Yeah, I’m sure he’s making sure she takes her meds as he takes whatever money she has on her.
Amanda Bynes’ mom and dad, Lynn and Rick Bynes, filed a petition with the court last week to once again be their daughter’s conservators and TMZ says that a judge recently approved it. Lynn and Rick had a conservatorship, but last month they reportedly let it go and that’s when Amanda moved away, stopped taking her meds, got back on Twitter and you know the rest.
TMZ says that the newest conservatorship won’t kick in until Amanda gets out of the hospital. When Amanda Bynes was “tricked” into entering a mental hospital, doctors were able to keep her there for 72 hours thanks to a 5150 hold. That 72-hour hold was later extended to 14 days and on Monday a judge extended it to an extra 30 days, because doctors say that she’s still in a bad way and is not ready for the outside world just yet.
In the documents Lynn and Rick (Side note: I can’t read the name Rick without hearing Amy Poehler nagging out a stream of RICK!s over and over again) gave to the judge, they listed all the reasons why they need to be the head bitches in charge of their daughter’s life. They should’ve just written, “check the Amanda Bynes tag on any blog,” but instead they said that her DUI and behavior are examples for why she’s a danger to herself and others. TMZ goes into Amanda’s money situation. Her parents state in the documents that Amanda’s net worth is exactly $5,747,703.36 and $2.8 million of that is real estate. Amanda made $144,768 last year and all of that came from her rental properties. My HGTV boo Scott McGillvray is impressed.
Lynn and Rick say that before Amanda went into the hospital, she was throwing around money like her name was Taylor Swift and she just sold 600,000 copies of her album in 24 hours. Amanda apparently gave gifts to everyone and anyone. TMZ seems to think that Amanda went into stores like Cartier, bought stuff and then handed it out to strangers on the street like some kind of Robin Hood.
Somewhere in London, Lindsay Lohan temporarily stopped taking naked pictures of herself on top of a mountain of coke for Neves’ new presidential campaign posters to slap herself in the head for leaving NYC when she did. LiLo got a cut on her twat from shoving a bunch of jooree and watches into her ham wallet during a “browsing” trip at Cartier and it still hasn’t healed. This wouldn’t have happened if she was in NYC when Amanda Bynes was handing out free Cartier shit on the streets. Dammit!
And now that Rick and Lynn got that conservatorship, they need to stock up on RAID just in case that shady roach Sam Lutfi hasn’t found another fallen child star to leech on and starts coming around again.
In an attempt to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to his grime-covered reputation as Hollywood’s recurring plantar wart, Sam Lutfi - the sleazy barnacle who spent most of 2007 permanently stuck to the back of Britney Spears and most recently the tricky ho responsible for getting Amanda Bynes checked into a mental health facility- wrote a piece for xoJane.com on Friday titled “It Happened To Me: I’m Sam Lutfi and I’m Trying to Help Amanda Bynes.” I guess Sam was sick of everyone playing negative word association games with his name (the most common being NO! and STAY AWAY!) and throwing him some epic side-eye regarding his involvement with Amanda Bynes, so he sat down and wrote an open letter to the haters who think he’s nothing more than a disaster-chasing opportunistic fame humper. According to Sam Lutfi, Sam Lutfi is a modern-day Mother Teresa for wayward starlets!
Amanda Bynes got checked into a mental health facility right after she tweeted luuuuuv to Sam Lutfi, and those two events are related. Yeah, duh, but it gets even worse than alarmingly bad character judgement. Everyone whose eyebrows immediately retreated into their hairlines and saw dancing pink wigs at the mention of his name gets a cookie (you’ll have to yell at your SO/kid/mom to get one of yours if you have some…sorry, I’m broke), because Sam was supposedly the one who tricked her into coming to LA to be guest of honor at a 5150 surprise party.
You may remember Sam from Britney Spears‘ 2008 breakdown, the one her parents accused him of bringing on by slipping Brit nefarious drug cocktails. No, I’m sure that he is a misunderstood hero that just has happens to have an odd penchant for being closely involved with fragile women when they are teetering on the edge and only has their best interests at heart. Sam is the one who supposedly tricked Amanda into going to LA, per TMZ:
Sam Lutfi…contacted Amanda Thursday and convinced her to sue her parents. He got her to fly to L.A. so he could hook her up with a lawyer. …[Then] the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building. Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.
Amanda got checked into a psych ward for a few days and her parents reportedly view Sam as a saviour and are going to publicly thank him, right after they transfer money to a Nigerian prince who will then dump millions of dollars into their bank account.
Girl needs a hug and unfortunately for her she turned to Sam, who had his arms wide open while his heart tearfully put the lotion on its skin in the corner. How is it that all roads to Not Okay, CA make a stop at Sam Station? How does he get in with these women? Amanda and all famous and semi-famous ladies, listen. When you see someone listed as “5150callme” and his profile pic features a photobomb of side eye-ing sharks nervously holding up a <–PREDATOR sign, resist the urge to click. You don’t want to know that guy.
After a day of tweeting about how the microchip in her brain made her say that her dad abused her and screaming at airport tickets agents for not being able to make planes fly faster, Amanda Bynes finally made it to LAX where a car met her and took her to a hospital.
Radar says that Amanda’s parents were able to convince her to come home to L.A. and to get help again before shit, which is already serious, gets serious serious. But TMZ has a different story. They say that Amanda was kind of tricked. Amanda thought that a car was going to take her from LAX to The London Hotel where she’d meet her parents and her lawyer. The car took her to the hospital instead. Whatever the case may be, Amanda is now being held by doctors on a 5150 hold (a cloud of pink wigs, Frapp dust and gas station fumes covers me every time I read those numbers). The hold is for 72 hours but doctors can extend it to 14 days. During those 14 days, Amanda’s parents are going to try to get another conservatorship. They had a conservatorship before, but they let it go and let Amanda move to Orange County by herself. And here we are now.
Well, hopefully the doctors at the mental health facility she’s in also took away all of her tweeting devices, because she tweeted this a few hours ago:
you feel like a brother to me @SamLutfi i mean it. Thank you luuuuv
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) October 10, 2014
Shut it down. Shut down Twitter. Shut down everything. I swear, all 5150s lead back to Sam Lutfi.
When we last left Amanda Bynes, she was engaged to a 19-year-old bait shop boy, pulling Winona Ryder shit at Barney’s and telling the tabloids that she’s got a microchip in her head, and since then things have gone from really bad to Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Arceus, Eru Ilúvatar, Shauna Sand and every other God take the wheel now.
This morning, Stephen Collins let out a “pheeeew” when Amanda Bynes accused her father of abusing her in all kinds of ways. Amanda also accused her mother of knowing about it and not doing anything about it. In a stream of tweets, Amanda said that her dad called her ugly, asked her if she wanted to have sex with him and touched himself in front of her. Amanda tweeted that she was working with her lawyers to get a restraining order against him. Amanda’s mom, Lynne Bynes, answered to Amanda’s dark-sided accusations in a statement to E!:
“I am heartbroken today for my husband of 47 years. Rick has been the best father and husband a family can ask for. He has never abused Amanda or our other children physically or sexually. These accusations are absolutely horrible and could not be further from the truth! These allegations stem from Amanda’s mental state at the moment. They have no basis in reality. It saddens me beyond belief that my husband’s character could be slandered in such a way.”
A quick second after Lynne Bynes’ statement came out, Amanda took it all back with this tweet:
TMZ says that Amanda’s tweets might’ve been triggered by her dad and mom’s plan to go to NYC to convince their daughter to get help. Lynne and Rick Bynes picked out a mental facility and booked a room. They just had to get Amanda to agree, but obviously that shit didn’t go too well. After finding out that her parents were on their way to NYC to help her, she immediately took her ass to LaGuardia Airport to get out of there. Amanda was allegedly kicked out of LaGuardia for screaming at a ticket agent because she was mad that a flight wasn’t leaving soon enough. Amanda was supposedly on her way to JFK, but her parents have no idea where she is right now.
And this is everyone’s cue to pick up our baby kitten and do the That’s Enough Internet For Today strut right out the exit door.
Well, here’s some news that will make you want to fly to New York City, track down Amanda Bynes like a low-budget Dog the Bounty Hunter (wait, isn’t Dog the Bounty Hunter the low-budget version of Dog the Bounty Hunter?), wrap her in a soft quilt and sing the Rihanna part of “Take Care“. TMZ says that on Monday night, Amanda Bynes was partying by herself at a club in Chelsea when she was approached by a couple fans on the dance floor who wanted to take her picture. Amanda responded by yelling for them to leave her alone, and to be honest, I’d do the same. Imagine trying to get your groove on and some wanker comes at you with a camera? You’d be like “Jog off, asshole.”
But here’s where it gets ruh roh-y. One fan didn’t take the hint that Amanda didn’t want any of her Sears Portrait Studio bullshit, and kept trying to take her picture. That’s when Amanda allegedly spun around towards the woman and took several swipes, clawing her neck and arms. The woman says she doesn’t plan on pressing charges, because she’s a fan (apparently Penelope Taynt lives in NYC and hangs out at Chelsea clubs now).
Oh dear, where to start. All of this is such a shit sandwich. It’s shitty to take pictures inside a dark club, unless you use the flash, which is super shitty. It’s shitty to try to take a picture of a stranger while they’re dancing. It’s shitty to claw the fuck out of someone’s arms. And it’s extra shitty that it’s 2014 and I have to write about Amanda going off the rails again. It’s all so shitty! Jesus take the shitty wheel!
The only thing that isn’t shitty are these pictures of Amanda strolling through NYC with a couple friends on Monday. Amanda is working a tight fanny pack game. And I wonder if one of the young gentlemen escorting Amanda is her beau, Bait Shop Caleb? Maybe the one on the left who looks like the busted condom baby of Jerry Seinfeld and Frankie Grande?
Please take this with several grains of salt sprinkled on a She’s The Man DVD, because I’m still not entirely convinced this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me weave. In Touch says that on Sunday, Amanda Bynes told an In Touch reporter that she’s engaged to her boyfriend Caleb. Caleb is 19-years-old, lives in Costa Mesa, California, doesn’t appear to have a last name, and works at a bait shop. Full disclosure: Bait Shop Caleb sounds hot. Amanda tells In Touch she’s excited to be engaged, because she’s sick of guys that she doesn’t want to fuck trying to talk to her:
“I am very needy for friendship and I hate men. I want to fuck them, but I can now say I’m engaged — get away from me. I want to be married and I want to be away from people.”
She also said she doesn’t want to design her wedding dress, but she’s so picky she’ll probably do it anyway. She should probably start soon – any wedding dress designed by Amanda Bynes will surely be a breathtaking work of bridal art, and art takes time. Amanda also admitted that she’s ready to settle down in New York, and that she has fetus fever:
Go ahead and throw on your well-worn DVD copy of Hairspray and fast-forward to all the Penny Pingleton parts (I’ll forgive you if you stop on any scene of John Travolta in busted drag, because, obviously) and start thinking some happy thoughts. Sydney White could use them.
We all know that Amanda Bynes is currently in a bad way, and according to TMZ, Amanda’s problems might have started a couple months ago when she was still in fashion school. Several of Amanda’s former classmates at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising snitched to TMZ and said that Amanda didn’t actually fail out of fashion school, but that she was kicked out for cheating and being a weed-smoking mess. One student claims Amanda would always show up late and high (okay, so just like 99.9999% of the students at every college ever, go on) and would laugh her ass off in class or start fights with people.
But that’s if she even showed up; students say Amanda was constantly ditching class. Skipping school made her fall behind, so she started paying other students to do her work for her. Eventually she was caught cheating off someone during a test, and FIDM was like “Bye Felicia” and told her to go home. That’s when she went home, packed up her shit at her parent’s house, and moved out to wherever she is living now. I know I said it yesterday, but it bears repeating: AMANDA, CALL YOUR PARENTS!
I understand taking shit for cheating and paying other people to do your work for you – that’s a major no-no. But throwing shade at her for getting high before class? Esscuse me?? Did everyone at FIDM forget that they go to college? I went to art school, and I barely remember a class where I didn’t show up late/high/drunk/half-asleep/eating a whole pizza. I’m pretty sure it was in the syllabus! “Please arrive at least 30 minutes late reeking of weed and tacos, because – DUH – you’re in college.”