Archives: July 2015

Night Crumbs

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Matt Damon has a ponytail now. Um, doesn’t Matt realize that Ben Affleck is the one who’s supposed to grow a totally hot post-divorce, mid-life crisis ponytail? Matt Damon has never really done things to me, but now that he looks like a clean and shaven Leonardo DiCatchAHo cosplayer, he is doing things to me  – Lainey Gossip 

Tiger Woods denies passing his always wandering peen to a fellow golfer’s ex-wife, which means he totally passed his always wandering peen to a fellow golfer’s ex-wife – The Superficial 

Somebody needs to turn this crazy Christian lady’s extra campy rant into a disco dance remix. It’ll be the perfect thing to play at the reception of a gay wedding – Towleroad

NeNe “I Am A Rich Bitch” Leakes is trying to act like she doesn’t only care about money – Reality Tea

How to make your yoga video a one hundred percent more interesting: get your cat to pussy block the camera – Hollywood Tuna  

Why did I just mistake a pregnant Evangeline Lilly for Katey Sagal? – Drunken Stepfather

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are too famous for some EXCLUSIVO Boston country club – Celebitchy

The new and longer Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp trailer still needs more gay sex. It has gay flirting, but it definitely needs gay sex – The Berry 

Everyone’s new favorite panty creamer Ruby Rose walked to her car – Moe Jackson 

Kelly Kapowski had another baby – Popsugar

Nicole Scherzinger looks like a fly trying to give sexyface – Popoholic

Marisa Tomei is playing a lesbian billionaire in Empire next season – Just Jared

It actually took longer than I thought for the tabloids to say that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s marriage ate shit because his dick wanted a piece of JLo again – ICYDK

John Travolta really needs to take the new Lex Luthor wig shopping – Egotastic

It’s the end of an era on Sesame Street SOW

In “EVERYONE saw this coming news,”  Diddy will not face felony charges for allegedly attacking his son’s football coach – Variety

Pic: Splash

Tags:
SHARE

Former CNN Anchor Lynne Russell And Her Husband Were Involved In A Deadly Shoot Out At A Motel 6

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Lynne Russell, who was an anchor on CNN Headline News for 18 years, and her husband Chuck de Caro, who was a special assignments correspondent on CNN in the 80s, were staying at a Motel 6 in Albuquerque, New Mexico when their night turned into some shit out of a Michael Mann movie.

Lynne has a black belt and Chuck used to be a Green Beret, so you know they’re members of the Not The One Club. CNN says that on Tuesday night, Lynne and Check stopped at the Motel 6 during a road trip from DC to California. It was just before midnight when Lynne left their room and went to their car to get something. Lynne noticed a strange dude throwing her looks. As she walked back to her room, the strange dude followed her. When she got to her room, he forced himself in. Chuck was in the shower at the time and when he heard some foolery going on, he walked out naked and wet and found the dude holding a gun to his wife. The Albuquerque Journal says that Chuck and Lynne both tried to reason with the gunman. I’ll pause here as you paint the image of a naked and wet Chuck trying to calm down a robber with a loaded weapon.

Tags:
SHARE

Open Post: Hosted By Demi Lovato Giving You Lot Lizard Glamour For Days

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Demi Lovato or her stylist (who was most likely the costumer on Avenging Angel) gets it! They know that you haven’t achieved that perfect summer chic look until you’ve put on an outfit that was once worn by an Atlantic City day-shift hooker in the middle of August. Demi Lovato is serving up “5 for a blow, 20 for a lay” vibes.

Demi wore this look of elegance to the launch of her national “‘Cool for the Summer’ Pool Party Tour” on the rooftop of the Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel in NYC. Yes, Demi wore this ho shit uniform to a pool party. You now know what to wear to every pool party you’re invited to this summer. You better start sifting through the bins and racks at Goodwill for a discarded 90s Fly Girl bra and denim diapers. You can make those hot boots yourself using construction netting and a can of black spray paint. And don’t forget to really bring the sophistication by working a melting spray tan like Demi!

Pics: Getty

Tags:
SHARE

LeAnn Rimes And Eddie Cibrian Are Allegedly Broke And Owe Their Friends $350,000

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

I’d make a joke about Brandi Glanville laughing manically as she repeatedly pokes a pin in the wallet area of her Eddie Cibrian voodood doll, but that unemployed troublemaker is in no position to be laughing at anyone’s financial situation. But back to Eddie and his Spitting Image puppet-looking wife LeAnn Rimes. Eddie and LeAnn are allegedly so broke that they have been forced to beg their friends for money. Except it’s not like a “Can I borrow $20?” kind of thing, it’s more like a “Can you loan me a couple hundred thousand dollars” friendship-killing kind of thing.

Scientology’s Crown Jewel Of Crazy Might Be Leaving Them

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Let’s see, a few days ago, I felt sorry for that piece of trash Parasite Hilton (when I shouldn’t have) and now I learn that there’s an itty bitty sliver of a chance that Scientology’s golden son Tom Cruise is thinking of pulling his head out of L. Ron Hubbard’s asshole for once and for all. It’s the end of the world as we know it and I don’t feel fine, because I don’t want civilization to end until Lifetime’s inevitably shitty movie about the making of Melrose Place comes out.

Block of Salt Weekly (aka Star Magazine) says that Tommy Girl is thinking of shocking the Thetans off of every Scientologist by turning in his OT-VII crown for the sake of Suri Cruise. Some source says that a crack in Tommy’s brainwashed shell of insanity formed during a recent phone call with Suri. Tommy hasn’t seen Suri’s face in person for over a year, because Katie’s afraid he will fill their daughter’s head with more Xenu talk and because Scientology doesn’t want him getting close to those suppressive traitors. Tommy feels like he has to choose between Suri and the cult of lunatics who need his money to keep their factory of fuckery going.

Robin Thicke Knows How Embarrassing He Was During His “Get Paula Patton Back” Phase

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

During a recent interview with The New York Times, feminine odor’s arch nemesis Robin Thicke confessed something anyone with two ears and a basic understanding of shame already knew: that his pathetic attempt to win his estranged wife Paula Patton back after she left him was beyond embarrassing. Robin has finally realized that releasing an entire album dedicated to the woman who finally got tired of finding random thongs in the laundry wasn’t such a great idea. The same goes for promoting it with the desperation of a “Can I Borrow A Feeling“-singing Kirk Van Houten. Robin knows now.

Robin says his “Aha!” moment (or maybe it was more of an “Oh shit” moment) came shortly after he dedicated his performance of “Forever Love” at the 2014 BET Awards to Paula. Robin was confronted by a friend who got real with him and not-so-subtly told him he looked “like a sucker“.

“What I thought was romantic was just embarrassing. And he said, “You should just go away for a while.” So I shut everything down. I took some time off to be with my son, and to be with my family and close friends. And the more time I took off, the more everything became clear.”

Even though every song on Paula was a damn disaster, Robin doesn’t have any regrets about recording them. Because that’s how Robin is.

“Look, my songwriting has always been autobiographical, and always will be. The ‘Paula’ album was no different. I was struggling through my toughest time, and I decided to share it. And I remember my team and my record company didn’t want me to put it out, but they stuck by me. In hindsight, the only thing I would have done differently was, I wouldn’t have promoted it or sold it. I would have given it away. That would have kept the purity of the message intact.”

You mean I could have gotten this shit for free?” said all six of the people who bought Paula. A group that includes Robin’s horny papa Alan Thicke, who was no doubt responsible for 2/3 of the sales. At least Robin can sleep well tonight knowing that someone, somewhere is trying to make his wish come true by giving away their copy of Paula for free. Sure, so far nobody but the trash can will take it, but at least that somebody is trying.

Pic: YouTube

Paris Hilton Lied To Us All!

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

We can never ever believe anything that comes out of Paris Hilton’s mouth again. When she releases another “leaked” sex tape for attention and we all watch her spit up a load of cum in it, we’ll ask ourselves, “Is it really man leche or is it watered down goat milk?” Everything that dribbles out of her mouth is a falsity. What’s next? We’re going to find out that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar lied through their Jesus teeth during that Fox News interview? The world is a lie.

Parasite Hilton recently threatened to sue the Egyptian production company of the show that pranked her by making her believe that she was about to die in a plane crash. Paris claimed she knew nothing about the prank. But her threats are probably full of shit, like her, because TMZ says that she was in on the prank. TMZ somehow got a hold of a document (which is one way of saying “the Egyptian production company gave it to them after Paris threatened to sue“) from the Egyptian production company that was passed to the reps of several American celebrities back in March. The document says that the production company will drop a pile of $$$$ into the lap of the American celebrity who agrees to fake the fear in a faux plane ride gone wrong.

The document states, “We will act as if something is going wrong and ask all passengers to jump off the plane!!! Of course everyone will panic, we’ll be having skydivers in disguise with us on board.”

The doc goes on, “We will monitor the funny reactions from our celebrity guest when they fear jumping off the plane.”

The document also claims that officials in Dubai, including the crown prince, were aware of the fake prank and promised to provide the show with security. Many celebs said no to that shit, but since Paris Hilton’s food of life is attention, she agreed to do it. Apparently, she was paid at least $1 million for it.

TMZ ran into Paris yesterday and asked her about the “prank.” She said that they took it “too far” and it wasn’t not funny.

Yes, I’d gladly fake scream for a million dollars, but still, screw Paris Hilton. (“Guilty!” – 97% of the world) I thought I was going to live my entire life without ever feeling one tiny drop of sympathy for her and she robbed me of that by playing with my emotions. Even after a few of my friends and several of you screamed, “FAKE,” I still believed her and felt a little bit sorry for her. I should have known. The next time a trailer for a Kristen Stewart movie comes out, I’m going to post it along with the words: I believed Paris Hilton’s plane crash acting. Therefore, I am not the one to critique anybody’s acting skills. Even Kristen Stewart’s.

Here’s that scammer being the portrait of modest by wearing a t-shirt with her image on it.

Pics: Wenn.com

George Clooney Might Sell His Fancy House In Italy Because There Are Too Many Damn Paps

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

As if you couldn’t already guess from the hard-core through-the-glasses death stare he’s giving above, George Clooney isn’t crazy about the small army of paparazzi that hang around his Lake Como home. I guess some paps have pretty deep pockets, because even with the threat of a €500 fine, they’re still hanging around George’s house like Dina Lohan behind the delivery entrance of her local liquor store. Basically, they’re never going to leave, ever. So Page Six says George’s solution to his pap problem is to sell the house.

Sources say that George got an offer on his Lake Perry Como house for $100 million (it sounds like Dr. Evil is looking for a new evil lair) and he’s thinking about taking it. George bought his Italian villa in 2002 for about $10 million, which means if he sold it now, he could make enough money from the sale to buy a new boat and name it something better than “BOAT“.

But George isn’t going to leave Lake Comb-Over forever. A source claims George is “like the mayor of the lake” and that everyone loves him. So he’ll probably sell his house and buy something a little more private. That way, he and first lady Amal Clooney can still cruise around waving and blowing air kisses at the locals without the paps bothering them.

I’m still not sure why the paps need so many pictures of Dr. Doug Ross hanging around his Italian vacation home. If you’ve seen one picture of George Clooney in a casual button-up, you’ve seen them all. Are there not more in-demand pictures out there? What about hi-res close-ups of Channing Tatum jogging? Or Jon Hamm jogging? Or any hot guy jogging? Surely I’m not the only one who will pay top dollar (aka $20 on an Olive Garden gift card) for those pics.

Pic: Splash

Oh, You Know, It’s Just A Blood-Covered RiRi Smoking It Up While Lounging On A Mound Of Money In A Trunk

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

It only took 45 hundred years, but late last night, RiRi finally released the video for her ear-murdering song “Bitch Better Have My Money” and the first thing you should know is that it’s seven fucking minutes fucking long. These pop tricks and their Imitation of Christ-sized music videos. Ain’t nobody got time for RiRi’s 7-minute-long video. Well, nobody but me, because I watched all of it last night. Twice. Okay, thrice.

RiRi “co-directed” this video (read: She directed herself to smoke a blunt while the other co-director did everything else) and she said the video’s entire concept came to her 8 months ago. In other words, this video is what RiRi’s brain gave birth to as she smoked some PCP laced weed while watching an episode of Dexter. Some people have been comparing this shit to “Bad Blood,” but that’s like comparing a pink crochet bunny in boxing mittens to a wolf with a chainsaw. It’s like “Bad Blood” if “Bad Blood” was conceived and directed by a first year film student who wants to be the next Tarantino or Eli Roth. Besides, instead of having 500 cameos from people you don’t care about, it has the only cameo any music video needs: HANNIBAL LECTER!

If you have 7 minutes of your day to waste and haven’t seen it already, here it is. The CliffsNotes version is: RiRi kidnaps a rich bitch, strips and tortures rich bitch with help from her homegirl henchwomen, forces rich bitch to smoke the good shit, smiles at a cop, chills in a paddling pool and eventually goes Patrick Bateman on rich bitch’s husband Hannibal (aka the bitch who owes her money).

My only question besides “What THEE fuck?” is: What happened to rich bitch’s Pom?!

dogbbhmm2

I was hoping that at the very end, rich bitch’s Pom would’ve crashed through a window with a machete in its paws and took every one. The final shot should’ve been of rich bitch’s Pom smoking a Snausage while relaxing on that mound of money in a trunk.

And here’s RiRi, her pierced nipple and her brother leaving a restaurant in L.A. the other night.

Pics: Splash

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >