Archives: July 2015

George Clooney Might Sell His Fancy House In Italy Because There Are Too Many Damn Paps

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

As if you couldn’t already guess from the hard-core through-the-glasses death stare he’s giving above, George Clooney isn’t crazy about the small army of paparazzi that hang around his Lake Como home. I guess some paps have pretty deep pockets, because even with the threat of a €500 fine, they’re still hanging around George’s house like Dina Lohan behind the delivery entrance of her local liquor store. Basically, they’re never going to leave, ever. So Page Six says George’s solution to his pap problem is to sell the house.

Sources say that George got an offer on his Lake Perry Como house for $100 million (it sounds like Dr. Evil is looking for a new evil lair) and he’s thinking about taking it. George bought his Italian villa in 2002 for about $10 million, which means if he sold it now, he could make enough money from the sale to buy a new boat and name it something better than “BOAT“.

But George isn’t going to leave Lake Comb-Over forever. A source claims George is “like the mayor of the lake” and that everyone loves him. So he’ll probably sell his house and buy something a little more private. That way, he and first lady Amal Clooney can still cruise around waving and blowing air kisses at the locals without the paps bothering them.

I’m still not sure why the paps need so many pictures of Dr. Doug Ross hanging around his Italian vacation home. If you’ve seen one picture of George Clooney in a casual button-up, you’ve seen them all. Are there not more in-demand pictures out there? What about hi-res close-ups of Channing Tatum jogging? Or Jon Hamm jogging? Or any hot guy jogging? Surely I’m not the only one who will pay top dollar (aka $20 on an Olive Garden gift card) for those pics.

Pic: Splash

Oh, You Know, It’s Just A Blood-Covered RiRi Smoking It Up While Lounging On A Mound Of Money In A Trunk

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

It only took 45 hundred years, but late last night, RiRi finally released the video for her ear-murdering song “Bitch Better Have My Money” and the first thing you should know is that it’s seven fucking minutes fucking long. These pop tricks and their Imitation of Christ-sized music videos. Ain’t nobody got time for RiRi’s 7-minute-long video. Well, nobody but me, because I watched all of it last night. Twice. Okay, thrice.

RiRi “co-directed” this video (read: She directed herself to smoke a blunt while the other co-director did everything else) and she said the video’s entire concept came to her 8 months ago. In other words, this video is what RiRi’s brain gave birth to as she smoked some PCP laced weed while watching an episode of Dexter. Some people have been comparing this shit to “Bad Blood,” but that’s like comparing a pink crochet bunny in boxing mittens to a wolf with a chainsaw. It’s like “Bad Blood” if “Bad Blood” was conceived and directed by a first year film student who wants to be the next Tarantino or Eli Roth. Besides, instead of having 500 cameos from people you don’t care about, it has the only cameo any music video needs: HANNIBAL LECTER!

If you have 7 minutes of your day to waste and haven’t seen it already, here it is. The CliffsNotes version is: RiRi kidnaps a rich bitch, strips and tortures rich bitch with help from her homegirl henchwomen, forces rich bitch to smoke the good shit, smiles at a cop, chills in a paddling pool and eventually goes Patrick Bateman on rich bitch’s husband Hannibal (aka the bitch who owes her money).

My only question besides “What THEE fuck?” is: What happened to rich bitch’s Pom?!

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I was hoping that at the very end, rich bitch’s Pom would’ve crashed through a window with a machete in its paws and took every one. The final shot should’ve been of rich bitch’s Pom smoking a Snausage while relaxing on that mound of money in a trunk.

And here’s RiRi, her pierced nipple and her brother leaving a restaurant in L.A. the other night.

Pics: Splash

Opposite Of Shocking: Chris Brown And His Baby Mama Are Fighting Over Child Support

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

According to TMZ, rich Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot and “good person” (says Rita Ora and only Rita Ora) Chris Brown and his baby mama of four months Nia Guzman are having problems with money. As it turns out, Nia is a Get Money Mommy who wants a fuckload of his cash and Chris is a Deadbeat Daddy who doesn’t want to give it to her. I know, I’m shocked too.

Back when Chris first found out he and Nia made a surprise baby she named Royalty, he gave her a whole lot of cash in an attempt to prevent her from seeking a child support agreement in court. Eventually he got paranoid that Nia was selling stories about him to the press, so he considered cutting her off and sending his lawyers after her. Now it looks like he’s finally made up his mind and is definitely taking this mess to court. Chris Brown filed legal documents in Houston (where Nia and Royalty currently live) to establish paternity so he can fight Nia and her crazy thirst for child support cash. Nia claims she needs $15,000 a month in child support for their 1-year-old daughter. But Chris thinks the number should be closer to $2,500 and that’s what he’s been paying. “$2,500 a month? That’s cute,” thought the custom Lamborghini Chris is leaning his ass against in the picture above.

Chris also wants a judge to define some kind of a clear custody agreement. Chris claims that Nia has been preventing him from seeing Royalty. Yeah, I’m sure any judge would agree with Nia on that one. I would not be surprised if the judge asked Baby Royalty who she wanted to live with and said, “I agree. That would be the best option for you,” after she pointed to the stapler on his desk.

In the event you want to see what a father who still acts and dresses like a child looks like, here’s Chris Brown coming out of a club a couple nights ago.

Pic: Instagram, Wenn.com

Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Bath and Body Works Art Stuff Foam!

In the 90s, Bath and Body Works went full HIGH ART when they released their line of Art Stuff products. Art Stuff was so artistic that you’d think that the world’s most original and thought-provoking artists, James Franco and Shia LaDouche, created it together. In the Art Stuff line was a body splash filled with Orbitz-like jizz balls, sassy lotion, shower gel, lip gloss and a glitter spray that was perfect for strippers who wanted to smell like extra sweet jelly donut filling made of chemically grown blueberries.

But what I remember most from the Art Stuff line is the foam! The Art Stuff foam was basically just a foam party in a can. It was a foamy body wash and it came in several nostril-tingling scents. (Although, I’m not sure if it came in Bath and Body Works’ signature gross scent of the 90s: the sweetened discharge that a watermelon squirts out after fucking a diseased fake cucumber.) If a Strawberry Shortcake character got rabies, their mouth foam would look and smell just like Bath and Body Works Art Stuff Foam. It was the best.

Pic: Pinterest

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Birthday Sluts

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Johnny Weir (31)
Margot Robbie (25)
Lindsay Lohan (29)
Ashley Tisdale (30)
Michelle Branch (32)
Owain Yeoman (37)
Erin Burnett (39)
Peter Kay (42)
Yancy Butler (45)
Monie Love (45)
Jose Canseco (51)
Samy Naceri (54)
Bret Hart (58)
Jerry Hall (59)
Wendy Schaal (61)
Larry David (68)
Richard Petty (78)

Pic: Sundance Channel

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Night Crumbs

July 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Donnie Wahlberg now knows why Jenny McCarthy was in the bathroom with her laptop for a long time last time. She was just rubbing her anti-vaxxer clit to Jim Carrey’s tweets about vaccines – The Superficial 

Something I really didn’t need to see today: Mimi’s billionaire Shrek boyfriend getting a face full of her unicorn chest balls – Lainey Gossip

Speaking of that billionaire Shrek, his one-time piece Miranda Kerr is getting her a new billionaire. She’s one rich dick closer to taking Elizabeth Hurley’s title as the world’s foremost billionaire banger – Celebitchy

NeNe Leakes is doing a game show with Betty White. And yes that is a sentence I typed for real – Reality Tea 

Behold, a real fucking lady named Nicole ScherzingerDrunken Stepfather

Bella Thorne sticks her butt out for the cameras at the Thirst Gala. The jokes, they write themselves – IDLYITW

The deep fried Big Mac looks like something a doctor might see during Mama June’s colonoscopy – Egotastic

Beyonce turned herself into a one-trick pride parade – Towleroad

Amber Heard wore some kind of Little House on the Prairie-inspired negligee dress to a Magic Mike XXL premiere – Popoholic

How to annoy your girlfriend AND get that YouTube money at the same time – Hollywood Tuna 

Paul Thomas Anderson is writing a Pinocchio movie starring Robert Downey Jr. I like it when movie executives make decisions about who should star in and write their movies while completely high on the wrong kind of crack – Pajiba

However, I don’t like it when TV executives make decisions about which classic movie from the 80s they should remake into a TV show while completely high on the wrong kind of crack. Case in point: The Fatal Attraction TV show is going to happen – Jezebel

Panty Creamer of the Day: Hot bean curd seller in Taiwan – The Berry 

Panty Creamer of the Day, Part II: A bearded Jai Courtney in a t-shirt – Just Jared

Justin Bieber got impaled by a dick in a video and should you make the Usher joke or do you want me to? – OMG Blog

Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch are a thing – HuffPo

I think my whole body puckered while watching Channing Tatum vogue – Boy Culture 

Presenting Bennifer 2.0 break-up theory #465 – ICYDK

Well, this gives me hope for our future and that was typed with zero sarcasm – Popsugar

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Here’s Miley Cyrus And Her New Girlfriend Making Out And Getting Into Some Finger Banging Fun

July 1, 2015 / Posted by:

I guess Miley Cyrus really is bumping her pink pussy bush against the crotch of Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell. The genderqueer who lets her cooze go wherever the wind may take it was on a break from filming her new music video in L.A. when a pap caught her and Stella hugging onto each other. About 6 seconds into the video from TMZ, Miley and Stella both notice the pap taking pictures of them and they step up the girl-on-girl show by making out. (Side note: Stella probably got a good meal out of that thick layer of gunk on Miley’s tongue.) Because Miley has always epitomized demureness, she sticks her hand down Stella’s pants and takes her fingers to Pussy Bang Town. You know that scene in Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone sees Michael Douglas staring at her and her girlfriend dancing so she really gives him something to see by kissing on her piece? This video kind of reminds me of a chipmunk version of that.

I’m actually surprised that Miley didn’t pull out an inflatable carrot-shaped dildo and strap it on before boning Stella as a guy in a giant dick costume sprayed them both with glitter. But you know, Miley and Stella are kind of brand new, so I’m sure she’s saving that for at least their third date for the paps. Deep down Miley is old-fashioned when it comes to public displays of affection for attention.

And it’s definitely true love. I’m talking about Miley and the camera of course. I mean, bitch looks at the camera more than her damn girlfriend.

Pic: Instagram

Open Post: Hosted By Chrissy Teigen’s Rebel Chichis

July 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Chrissy Teigen joined Miley Cyrus, Chelsea Hander and that Willis daughter whose name I can’t remember right now (Don’t make me Google!) in the FREE THE NIPPLE movement the other day when Instagram proved they are still lady nipple haters by taking down a picture she posted from W Magazine of her exposed tit knob. Chrissy tweeted that her nipple had been silenced, but that it would rise again and fight those nipple-shushing bitches at Instagram. Chrissy’s nipple hasn’t made another appearance on the front lines of Instagram yet, but yesterday she winked at those hos by posting a picture where a strategically placed hairspray bottle covered her nip.

HAIR @jrugg8

A photo posted by @chrissyteigen on

Fight the good fight, Chrissy! Chrissy Teigen is truly the Enjolras of the lady nipples on Instagram battle. And now that I’ve made a Les Miserables reference in a post about nipples, I’m totally singing “Do you hear the nipple sing” to myself.

And here’s Chrissy giving you electrocuted Cowardly Lion glamour while doing stuff.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

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Iggy Azalea Thinks “The Media” Is Trying To Start Shit Between Her And Britney Spears

July 1, 2015 / Posted by:

When I think about the reasons why Britney Spears might be crossing the name “Iggy Azalea” off her Christmas card list, most of them have to do with Iggy Azalea starting shit with her on Twitter over their song “Pretty Girls” a few days ago. However, according to Iggy Azalea, it has nothing to do with the fact that her fingers typed the words “I dont have to suck the womans asshole 24/7 to be her friend” and everything to do with shit-starting troublemakers in the media.

Shortly after Brit Brit responded to Iggy’s asshole-sucking comment by pulling out her best umbrella and covering her in shade, Iggy hopped on Twitter to hiss at everyone trying to make things awkward between them.

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