Category: Well Damn

Sherri Shepherd’s Surrogate Is Being Forced To Pay Child Support

January 30, 2015 / Posted by:

The words “Reserved for Ms. Shepherd” were engraved on a plaque hanging on a door in the Special Place Ward in Hell when Sherri Shepherd wrote off the baby that grew in her surrogate’s womb. When Sherri and her husband Lamar Sally broke up last year, she labeled him a scheming gold digger and accused him of tricking her into the surrogacy situation as a way to get her to pay him child support. Sherri walked away from the unborn baby and made it clear she wanted nothing to do with the kid ever. The already disgustingly messy situation got messier when Lamar sued Sherri for spousal and child support. Now, the surrogate who carried Sherri and Lamar’s baby has spoken out and is pissed that she’s being hit up for child support. It says a lot when a situation is dangerously close to becoming as fucked up as the Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry situation.

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Jennifer Aniston Gets Called Out By The Widow Of Jennifer Aniston’s First Love

January 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Woe is Jennifer Aniston. This week is turning out to be almost as shitty as the week where she lost the 2nd generation Quackers the Duck Beanie Baby on eBay. Jennifer got shut down by that mean asshole Oscar and the wife of her dead first love came for her in the media. What’s next? She’s going to get Chickenpox? Actually, that is highly possible (no, it’s not) since she has actual chickens living in her backyard.

Jennifer Aniston said in a New York Times interview that her first love, actor Daniel McDonald, died from brain cancer and she believes that he is an angel looking over her and gave her the gift of Justin Theroux. If an angel wanted to give Jennifer Aniston the gift of true, everlasting love, wouldn’t they send her a bottomless bottle of tequila? But I’m digressing. If you haven’t read it already, here’s the quote that Jennifer gave to the Times:

“He was my first love — five years we were together. He would have been the one. But I was 25, and I was stupid. He must have sent me Justin to make up for it all.”

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Burt Reynolds Is Apparently Broke And Is Selling Off All His Stuff

November 29, 2014 / Posted by:

I already checked – that bearskin rug isn’t one of the items up for auction. However, pretty much everything else in his life is for sale, because Smokey is broke-y. Or was he The Bandit? I can never remember. Anyways, according to several sources (The Independent, The Daily Mail, the cashier at Publix who has to return the lobsters to the tank in the seafood department every time his credit card gets declined), sexual human mustache Burt Reynolds is currently in a bad way when it comes to personal finances. Burt hasn’t made a mortgage payment on his Florida home in four years and now owes more than $1.4 million. Burt tried to sell his mansion back in 2011 for $9 million, then later for $2.9 million, but it still hasn’t sold and Bank of America kind of wants their $1.4 million in overdue mortgage payments.

But Burt doesn’t have $1.4 million, so he’s been forced to sell his stuff. Next month, Burt will auction off more than 600 pieces of movie memorabilia and stuff from his house at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. Included in the sale is Burt’s red jacket from Smokey and the Bandit, a gold pocket watch that was given to him from Sally Field, a pair of boxing gloves signed by Muhammad Ali, a pair of cowboy boots that he wore in Striptease, a shitload of bolo ties and belt buckles, all of his People’s Choice Awards, and his Golden Globe for Boogie Nights. Question: is it weird that I totally want to buy those boots from Striptease?

God, this is just SO unfair! Sexy 70s legend Burt Reynolds shouldn’t have to sell all his bolo ties and cowboy hats just because he forgot to make a couple mortgage payments. Banks are just the worst sometimes. Chill out, Bank of America, it’s only $1.4 million!

And none of this giant garage sale business would have to happen if Burt’s beautiful ex-wife Loni Anderson would step in and take care of things with the bank. It wouldn’t even cost her a dime! All she has to do is flash that gorgeous million-dollar smile of hers and the bank would call it even.

George Clooney Tells Everyone That He’s Going To Marry Amal Alamuddin In Venice In Two Weeks

September 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Since awards show season is two queefs away, Amal Alamuddin (or “Amal Elmerfudding” as my mom mispronounces while talking about how that trick stole her man) practiced her role as George Clooney’s permanent red carpet escort at an event in Florence, Italy last night. Alalooney made their red carpet debut as a couple at a charity event benefiting the Andrea Bocelli Foundation and the Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center. Clooney was awarded the Andrea Bocelli Humanitarian Award and during his speech, he told the audience that in two weeks in Venice, Italy, Brad Pitt will look up in the sky and giggle before saying, “Heh, ribbit ribbits are falling from the sky.” No, Brad won’t be seeing things, because he’ll be stoned out of his skull. Actual toads will fall from the sky in Venice, because George Clooney becoming somebody’s husband again is the final sign of the rapture.

Everyone figured that Alalooney would get married at his house in Lake Como, because next to George Clooney, George Clooney’s favorite thing in life is that house in Lake Como. But nope, Clooney said that he’s marrying Amal in Venice at the end of the month. via E! News:

“He said he is an honorary 12-year resident of Italy and then said they were getting married in Venice,” a source said. “He also said to Amal [from the podium], ‘I love you very much.'”

Sources also tell E! News that Clooney revealed the wedding will take place in a couple of weeks.

Maybe Clooney is trying to throw the media off and he’s getting married somewhere else, but damn, everyone in the audience must’ve been drowning in sappy shit, because his ass laid it on thick. Clooney was an ugly, yeast infection-colored leather couch away from couch jumping.

George Clooney is an oh-so-private person, so I doubt he would spit out the date, time and venue location of his wedding. I’m sure he was just pulling the media’s dick. Clooney and Amal’s wedding will probably be very private and intimate and what I mean by that is that they’ll probably get married on the red carpet at the Oscars next year.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

St. Angie Jolie And Brad Pitt Got Married In France On Saturday

August 28, 2014 / Posted by:

If you were praying to God on Saturday for whatever reason and wondering why it felt like nobody was on the other line, it’s because God was doing better things. God was busy giving away his successor at her wedding. AP spit this out on Twitter this morning:

brangelnamarried1

Okay, God and all the saints didn’t walk St. Angie down the aisle, but Maddox and Pax did, which is the next best thing. Here’s the only details we know so far. I’m sure new details will be printed into the newest edition of the Bible and the pictures will appear in stained glass form on the windows of Notre-Dame Cathedral:

Jolie and Pitt wed Saturday in a small chapel in a private ceremony attended by family and friends. In advance of the nondenominational civil ceremony, Pitt and Jolie also obtained a marriage license from a local California judge. The judge also conducted the ceremony in France.

The couple’s children took part in the wedding. Jolie walked the aisle with her eldest sons Maddox and Pax. Zahara and Vivienne threw petals. Shiloh and Knox served as ring bearers, the spokesman says.

Brad Pitt said a million years ago that he and St. Angie wouldn’t get married until everyone could get married. This means that gay marriage must be legal EVERYWHERE. Thank you, Brangelina!  Thank you!

Justin Timberlake Called Madonna His “Mother Chucking Ninja” And Twitter Dragged Him Hard For It

August 17, 2014 / Posted by:

So, Madge’s original parts turned 56 years old yesterday and to celebrate her born day, Justin Timberlake tweeted (and quickly deleted) this message to her ass:

jtmotherchuckingninja

If you’re squinting at that tweet and thinking to yourself that JT just outed Madge as a Juggalo, that’s not what he meant. Mother chucking ninja = Motherfucking nigga. Some hos (read: suburban skater boys who hang outside of malls and Goopy Paltrow) substitute the word “ninja” for the n-word, because it’s a “safe” way of saying the n-word without saying the n-word. The screeching Ramen noodle wedge who is single-handedly responsible for stretching out Jessica Biel’s 15 minutes quickly hit the delete button on that tweet, but by then, dozens of people had already RT’d it and began pulling out his Keratin-straightened locks by the root. Who knows if Madge saw the tweet, but I’m sure JT will tell it to her face the next time he sees her and she’ll reply by saying, “#thanksmynigga!” And yes, she’ll say hash tag out loud, because Madge is the kind of cool mom who says “hash tag” out loud.

And I’m sure JT and Madge will respond to the outrage on Twitter by tweeting a picture of them throwing mothers while in warrior gear. Yes, that’s what he meant by “mother chucking ninja.”

After the cut are some of the responses (via ONTD and Uproxx). HA at “Robin Jr.

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