That’s So Racist: The Olsens Edition

Long before the Olsens were wearing black veils made of the frozen nightmares of their victims, they were just little tiny trollings committing acts of accidental racism in family friendly direct-to-DVD movies like To Grandmother’s House We Go. You know, full on fuckery aside, where did they get those fried chicken drumsticks? Who knew that the pre-KKK playgroups served fried chicken during snack time. But more importantly, what human being with at least half a working brain cell throws a chewed up drumstick into a dude’s money case?! I know some people who will get hit upside the head with a spoon if they bring their grandma a plate of dark meat instead of white meat. And the Olsens think this is okay?!

If you’re bold enough to throw a chicken bone into a street performer’s money bin, you’re strong enough to take an ass whoopin’ from said street performer. To quote what a wise homeless man said after my friend handed him a bag of her leftovers: How the FUCK am I supposed to get drunk off of leftovers?

via Best Week Ever (thanks to everybody who sent this mess in)

Love The Anti-Christ!

Crank up the fog machine and strike up the dream harp, because we’re going back in time to Madge’s infamous 1994 interview with David Letterman where she threw the fuck word around a million times and insinuated that his mic looked like a big black dick. Up until that point, it was the most beautiful thing Madonna has ever done since she graffitied that motherfucker’s car in the Borderline video. About two weeks after Madge acted like a for real cunt on Letterman, she sent him the above letter which Letters of Note says is going up for auction next month.

Don’t you miss the Madge who hugged every word with a FUCK and had the penmanship of a possibly drunk serial killer? The Madge of today would write this mess in calligraphy, use “bloody” instead of “fucking” and would be dead serious when she signed it “the modern day Christ.”

If you want to relive the bitch old days, here’s a clip:

And I love that she looks like a goth chola who has slicked back her hair to prepare for a jump in.

This Is Russell Brand In High School

Before Russell Brand skyrocketed to the top of the UK’s Department of Health most wanted list by screwing anything with a clitoris, he was simply the Mexican kid in high school who sang a Stevie B song at the afternoon talent show and was the only one beside myself who wore a t-shirt in the pool during gym. Correction: I refused to take off my shirt and get into the pool. I always used the “I’ve got stomach problems… hint hint… diarrhea” excuse.

And yup, I’m guessing we’ll all be doing the same thing this weekend: breaking into our old high schools to torch every copy of every yearbook we’re in.

Source: My Booky Wooky via IDLYITW

Vintage Mah Boo

In case you’ve never seen it, here’s yet another precious portrait of Anderson Cooper I’m going to print out in black and white and slip into the family album that I bring out whenever somebody comes to visit (note you’re making to yourself: don’t visit his ass). This is Mah Boo with a butch Colleen Williams haircut in the 90s. And now I can scratch “Mah Boo in a Bugle Boy jeans ad” off my list of “Things I Want To See Mah Boo In.”

via Buzzfeed (Thanks to everyone who sent this in)

Amy Poehler’s Secret Career As A Stock Image Model Uncovered!

Franny Glass was doing a Getty Images search for “volunteer” pictures when these vintage beauties of a young Amy Poehler as a candy striper popped up. There’s something a little evil about the first picture. Amy’s smirking at us and practically saying, “Oh, so does it hurt when I turn your oxygen off? Well, that’ll teach you to nod ‘thank you’ when I bring in the flowers from the stepmother who always talks shit about you in the hallway. Don’t fuck up again……and feel better.”

And if you think this shit is edgy and scandalous, wait until the PG-13 pictures of her as a semi-slutty crossing guard come out.

via Jezebel

Christina Hendricks Was In Playboy Once

The Smoking Jacket released these pictures from a bizarre 1999 spread featuring a terrifying clown, a buff dude who just crawled out of a septic tank, Kelly Osbourne (that’s not Kelly Osbourne) and the only and only Christina Hendricks! This is what a regular night at Charlie Sheen’s house looks like.

Obviously, these pictures were taken long before Christina’s magnificent chichis NATURALLY exploded into the 8th world wonder we know them as today. Or maybe they shrunk out of fucking fright at the sight of burnt Oompa Loompa dude’s crazy ass leg muscle. Whatever the case may be, don’t try to tell me that Christina’s titties of today aren’t organic. I can’t believe that. It would DESTROY me. It would be like the time I found out that the magical wall of dick was just a piece of sheetrock with strange men on the other side of it.

via ONTD