The White House Correspondents’ Dinner Red Carpet Starring Gary Fisher

Last night was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. President Obama actually made the room, and me, laugh. Larry Wilmore didn’t. Donald Trump was a no show. And there were tons, TONS, of celebrities (and celebrity-adjacents) there. Celebrities love nothing more than being invited to fancy political things because, I imagine, they feel it makes them legitimate. “Well! Mr President Barack Obama thought I was worth his time,” I see some TV actress saying when doors get shut in her face at auditions for shows at about teens played by people in their late-30s. So let’s get down to who was there and what they wore.

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Tom Hiddleston Wants You To Know He’s Single. Maybe.

Somewhere in an underground bunker, the lead Hiddlestoner just hit the emergency alert button and triggered all the other Hiddlestoners to collapse onto their favorite Loki fleece snuggle blanket in a horny ball of bliss while screaming “I STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!!!”

Eleven months ago, Tom Hiddleston was rumored to be working his blue-eyed British dreamboat game on Elizabeth Olsen. It was a mysterious maybe-relationship filled with denials and decoys and clandestine taxi rides. Six months later, word started going around that Elizabeth Olsen was far too busy to be doing Tom on the regular, and dumped him. But of course, since Tom and Elizabeth were ~so secret~ and sneaky with their relationship, there was a chance the breakup was just a lie meant to throw the Hiddlestans off the scent. Well, New York magazine decided to get to the bottom of it.

Once New York got all their questions about I Saw the Light and The Night Manager (aka the miniseries where you see his ass) and High-Rise (aka the movie where he gets naked on a patio lounger) out of the way, they asked him about his relationship with the third Olsen sister. Not surprisingly, Tom played a little coy.

“Some things have to remain sacred. You could write that I’m single. There’s no ring on this finger.”

Single? No ring on it? How very Beyonce of you Tom. Actually, no – scratch that. I don’t want to get sued. Really though, I love how indirect Tom is. He could teach a class at the Lionel Hutz School of “The Truth“. Is he still boning Elizabeth Olsen? Maybe, maybe not. You could write that he is. You could also write that he’s single. Tom Hiddleston is that teacher who replies “I don’t know, can you?” when you’d ask if you could go to the bathroom.

Here’s more of Tumblr’s maybe-single favorite boy at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of High-Rise last night. Also included is Sienna Miller. I didn’t hear any stories about taken man-poaching expert Sienna Miller trying to get with Tom 0.3 second after they walked off the red carpet, so maybe he really is single.

Pics: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hiddleston And Stephen Colbert Making Beautiful Music Together

Tom Hiddleston went on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night to promote all things Hiddleston including the TV mini-series The Night Manager, which comes out in the US next month, and the Hank Williams biopic I Saw The Light, which is out now. Stephen put the panty pudding prince of Tumblr on the spot twice. The first time was when he brought up the fact that Tom Hiddleston’s nalgas became a hashtag after he bared them in The Night Manager, and many Hiddlestoners probably used the picture of his butt to make an exact mold which they spoon with every night. (Stephen Colbert didn’t bring up that last part, but he was probably thinking it.) The second time Colbert put Tom Hiddleston on the spot was when he asked Tom to yodel out a Hank Williams song.

At first Tom refused to fill the ears of the audience with his gorgeous singing voice for free, but he eventually gave in after Stephen started singing “I Saw The Light.” At around the 2:46 mark, watch and listen to country’s hottest new duo since Dolly & Sly:

Stephen Colbert must obviously be a robot or an alien, or both. Because any human who can feel things would immediately cum themselves into a coma if the one and only Tom Hiddleston looked into their eyes while serenading them. Yup, Colbert’s totally a robot alien.

Pics: Splash

The Plot Thickens (Or Thins, Depending On How Much You Care): Elizabeth Olsen Was Never Asked To Do “Fuller House”

The makers of Making A Murderer are currently working on a second season for Netflix, but they need to hit the red ABORT button on those plans and instead shift their focus to investigating and thoroughly covering the journey to get Michelle Tanner in Fuller House. That American saga has more twists and turns than the Trollsens’ spinning heads when they do a Satanic spell on a bitch.

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Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hiddleston’s Nalgas

Many Hiddlestoners in the UK probably spent a piece of their morning wrapping an ACE bandage around their tongue, because they sprained it by licking their TV screen over and over and over again last night.

Tom Hiddleston stars in a BBC miniseries called The Night Manager (it will make its way to the US in April), and on last night’s episode (SPOILER ALERT), his tiny Stottie cake butt cheeks were exposed as he humped Elizabeth Debicki against a wall. The Daily Mail posted the screen shot of Tom’s little peach coming out to play and tweets from people who wanted to smear marmalade on those buns and eat ’em up. A clip of the VERY racy fuck scene (read: it’s not very racy) and Tom’s un-pixelated ass are after the cut. It’s not even close to being the tip moistening and panty destroying scene that Charlie Hunnam’s SoA fuck scene was, but if you have it for Tom Hiddleston, then wrap the seat of your chair in Saran wrap before clicking over.

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Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hiddleston Sunning His Nakedness In The New Trailer For “High-Rise”

Here’s the second trailer for High-Rise which stars Tumblr’s favorite fap object Tom Hiddleston as a doctor who moves into a luxurious London apartment building where nothing is as it seems and chaos ensues! If this took place in a luxurious Manhattan apartment building in present day, the line “nothing is as it seems” would refer to the snobby residents finding out that the pool is not saltwater and chaos would ensue after someone leaves a cheap doormat from Target outside their door. (Yes, I read the snobby people message board Urban Baby from time to time.)

High-Rise also stars Jeremy Irons, Luke Evans, Elisabeth Moss and Sienna Miller. It comes out in the UK in March and is expected to come out in the US later this year. This newest trailer uses the Tangerine Dream song from the train scene in Risky Business and it also features a naked Tom Hiddleston sunning his nipples while a magazine covers his crotch. While watching it I wished that his peen would high-rise that magazine right off of his crotch so we could get a good view of it. That didn’t make any sense, but I’m sure you figured out that I was making some pervy comment about wanting to see a boner.