Bret Michaels Was Hospitalized During A Tour Stop In Nashville

It may be time to pack away your cans of Aqua Net, leather titty holsters, fingerless gloves, and extra pair of pocket panties to toss on stage for Bret Michaels to sop up his sweat with; because on Poison’s most recent tour stop the band had to break it to a horde of horny ladies of the 90s and 80s that Bret had to be taken to the hospital.

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Why Hasn’t The Letter M Filed A Restraining Order Against The Duggars Yet?

It’s already too late for the letter J. The Duggars have overused and abused the letter J so much that now it’s stumbling against the walls of brick buildings in a back alleyway and taking sips from a dusty bottle of hobo wine in between crying about how it was so much happier before the Duggars got to it. The letter J belongs to the Duggars now. The letter J is the Duggar’s bottom bitch. And the letter M is next!

When the eldest Duggar, Josh, and his wife Anna had their first kid three years ago, they named her Mackynzie. That sent a chill through me, because it meant that they were coming after my home letter. When Anna got knocked up with their second kid, they said something like, “Oh, we don’t know if we’re going to stick with the letter M.” Those lying bitches. Anna had a son and they named him Michael. Well, 24-year-old Anna gave birth to their third child on Sunday and she and Josh tell People that soon the letter M will fully belong to them. Blehehehehehehehe!

Josh and Anna Duggar welcomed their third child, son Marcus Anthony, on Sunday, the couple tell PEOPLE exclusively.

Arriving at 11:32 a.m. and weighing in at 9 lbs., 3 oz., Marcus joins big sister Mackynzie, 3½, and brother Michael, 2 this month. The reality stars say their children are “thrilled to welcome a little brother.”

“We are so thankful that mom and baby are well! We are blessed to have our family close as we celebrate this gift from God,” the couple tell PEOPLE.

And this is the reason why the letter M and Anna’s uterus and vagina are softly crying today. They know what their future holds. Anna is turning her vagina into a baby slide and it’s only a matter of time before the Duggars own the letter M. In a few years, they’ll own the entire English alphabet. Since China is going to rule the world in about six seconds, we might as well just let the Duggars have the English alphabet and start using the Mandarin alphabet. According to this extremely accurate site, my Chinese name is , and that does have a nice ring to it.

The Duggars Will Adopt If God Wants Them To

Michelle Duggar’s overworked sweat shop uterus has been hyperventilating into a paper bag ever since she said that she’s trying to have another baby, but now she’s giving it some much-needed relief. The Duggars are expecting one new member this year and Michelle Duggar did say that her uterus is always open to carrying another fetus (“Speak for yourself, heffa” – Michelle Duggar’s uterus), but she recently told People that they’re also considering adoption. The Duggars will do whatever it takes to have a family that’s bigger than the population of Guam.

Michelle says that her brain opened up to the idea of adoption when her family visited an orphanage in Beijing. They are getting on their knees, closing their eyes and asking God about it.

“We are open to the idea of adoption. We are praying about it, and we will see what God has in store. Love for children has been placed on our hearts. The kids are definitely pushing towards wanting us to open our home up to another child or more. They see how much we have been blessed with and how little so many children have and they want to share. We tell our children that would have to be something that is God’s will for our family, and we will see if it is. Our children love children, and we all do.

We are open to whatever is in store. It doesn’t really matter whether I would have another child or we would adopt, but we want to approach it with an open heart. We have friends that have adopted children who are a great influence in our lives, and we have talked about their experiences. So it’s something we’ve considered. We have to know for sure that is what God wants for us to do. When he gives us a child [through pregnancy], there is no doubt in our minds that is what He wants, but when it comes to adoption, we would have to know for sure that was His will.”

If there is a God, God will drop two tubs of spermicide, fifty boxes of diaphragms, 900 birth control pills and a thousand condoms on the Duggars when they ask God what they should do. Or better yet, God should just drop all the OctoKids on them. Actually, I don’t mean that. I’d rather be raised by OctoCrazy than be raised by one of the Duggar daughters. I mean, at least Octo has good drugs and massive amounts of weed.

Michelle Duggar Wants To Have Another Baby

I guess nothing lulls Jim Bob Duggar to sleep like the soothing and sorrowful sound of Michelle Duggar’s uterus sadly humming the melody to “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen” to itself at night…… Because Michelle and Jim Bob are making her uterus even sadder by telling the world that they want to have yet another baby. Michelle’s Battle of Normandy womb is probably temporarily speechless right now, so I’ll speak for it by saying: WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!

The Duggar family announced on Monday that they’re single-handedly single-vaginaedly helping the US to overtake China as the #1 most populated country in the world and Michelle told Radar that being a grandmother again is “wonderful,” but she would really love to have another baby of her own. Michelle and Jim Bob’s 19th child, Josie, was born with all kinds of health problems and she suffered a miscarriage a little over a year ago. Michelle tells Radar that she might be too old to have another child, but she’s still trying.

“If God saw fit for us to receive another child we would love that and welcome that. Well, I’m 46 years old, and if this is the end for me being able to bear children then that is God’s timing. I will rejoice no matter where I find myself. Having grandchildren is like cream on the top of a wonderful sundae!”

We get it, Michelle Duggar, we get it. Michelle and Jim Bob like to fuck and they like to do it bareback style. But for the sake of her uterus, she should put a plug in Jim Bob’s peen slit before she gets on that dick. I don’t know how many times I’ve read about Michelle Duggar’s uterus prolapsing. Every time her uterus tries to fall out, Jim Bob shoves it back in with his peen and tries to make another baby. If the Duggars really want to add to their hoarders pile of babies, they should just take a couple from OctoMom.

The World Is Getting Another Duggar

The Duggars are getting one baby closer to outnumbering us non-Duggars and it’s only a matter of time before they take over the world, enslave us all and force us to make their laundry soap and tend to the fall of curly fry curls on Michelle Duggar’s head. Michelle Duggar’s 24-year-old daughter-in-law and baby-making successor, Anna Duggar, tells People that she’s got a womb full of Duggar again. That eery tension you feel in the air is from Anna’s uterus shaking in fear at the thought of its future.

The oldest Duggar kid, Josh, married Anna in 2008 and she popped out their first kid, a daughter named Mackynzie, three years ago. Then 21 months ago, Anna birthed out their second kid, a son they named Michael. And in about three months, Anna and Josh’s third kid will land on this planet. Anna and Josh say that they’ve narrowed their baby name choices down to two and they wouldn’t say if they’re sticking with the letter M theme.

With two names starting with M in their family, will Josh and Anna continue the naming tradition?

“We’ve been throwing around name ideas and we are pretty certain we have it down to two,” Josh says. “We will have to see.”

As for the gender of the baby, the couple knows but is not sharing – for now. Until then, the whole Duggar clan is getting involved. Josh’s sister, Jill, 21, is a student midwife and has been assisting the couple and will be on-hand for their birth at an area birthing center.

Meanwhile, Jim Bob and Michelle, 46, are preparing to be grandparents again. “Being a grandpa is really special because Josh and Anna live only eight miles away and our kids and their kids almost consider themselves brothers and sisters,” he says. “They love playing together.”

Of course, they’re going to stick with the letter M. They’re Duggars. They’re jobs are to turn their vaginas into popcorn popper pussies and to completely hijack a letter from the alphabet. That’s the letter M’s cue to file for emancipation from the alphabet before it’s too late. And while the letter M does that, I should also distance myself from the letter M by legally changing my name to Dichael. I mean, it was pretty much my legal name in junior high school since that’s what all those assholes called me.

And every time the words “Duggar” and “pregnant” pop up on my RSS feed, I think it’s about Michelle Duggar and I shake my head while pouring one out for the hardest working organ in the baby making game: her war torn uterus. Hopefully, Michelle Duggar’s sweat shop worker uterus is retired and sipping a daiquiri on a beach somewhere.

Let’s All Take A Moment To Remember The Crunchy Curl Gloriousness That WAS Michelle Duggar’s Old Hair

Would you ever want to turn off Niagara Falls? Would you ever want to fill the Grand Canyon with manure? Would you ever paint over a rainbow with shades of beige? Would you ever break into Shauna Sand’s shoe closet and replace all her exquisite lucite heels with CROCs? No, you would never want to destroy a thing of beauty, because that is ILLEGAL. So I don’t know why in the hell Michelle Duggar would let anyone take a pair of scissors and straightening balm to the utopia of curly fries and chola bangs on top of her head, but she did and I HATE HER FOR IT.

On Tuesday night’s episode of 19 Kids and Counting, Michelle Duggar’s childhood friend Cindy (Full name: Cindy, Evil Bitch Destroyer of Glamour) came over to give her a makeover. Michelle hasn’t changed her hair in almost 39 years and there’s a reason for that. The Bible clearly states: Thou shalt not stop frying your hair with a curling iron and gel from the 99 Cent Store. But Michelle went against the word of the lord and let Cindy ruin her hair. This is what stared back at Michelle when she looked in the mirror:

FOR WHY????????!!!!!!!!?????

Bitch got Michele Bachmann-ified!

Today, I weep, because a full day went by without all 10 million of the Duggar children hearing the sizzling sound of Michelle curling her gel-drenched hair. Who’s going to buy all of the White Rain hairspray now? Michelle’s new bangs are way too soft. How is Jim Bob going to side fuck her bangs during foreplay? I don’t care if Michelle’s 1990s soap opera hair don’t is temporary. I still won’t ever forgive her for this, just like her pussy won’t ever forgive her for causing it to prolapse all the time.

via Yahoo! TV (Thanks to Melody, Sara and Deborah for sending this work of blasphemy in)