A “Three’s Company” Movie Is A Thing That Might Be Happening

Quick, go immediately to your happy place. This is some potentially rage-making, caftan-tearing news if you’re a Three’s Company purist. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that Hollywood’s latest unnecessary remake/reboot might be a Three’s Company movie. Nobody asked you to knock at that door, Hollywood.

THR says that it’s currently still in the beginning stages. New Line is trying to get the rights to Three’s Company, and they’re looking to have it written by the same people responsible for He’s Just Not That Into You. In case you’ve forgotten, Three’s Company was a sitcom that ran on ABC from 1979 to 1984 about a guy who pretends to be gay because he’s living with two women and doesn’t want their landlord to evict them. That’s a scenario that barely works in 1979, but makes zero sense in 2016. New Line clearly knows this, so they’re apparently keeping it set in the 1970s.

That’s really all we know about this Three’s Company movie right now. With that being said, now is the time to wildly speculate about who should be cast in what will be the second-best movie made about Three’s Company. Yes, second best. As long as a copy of Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company still exists, that title stays unchanged. Personally, I’d like to see the following:

Suzanne Somers as Chrissy
Suzanne Somers in a Kris Jenner wig as Janet
A sexy picture of John Ritter (easy to find) as Jack Tripper
A ThighMaster wearing a gold chain as Larry Dallas
And the ghosts of Audra Lindley, Norman Fell, and Don Knots as the three reasons for why the cast and crew will keep asking themselves if they heard something say “This isn’t cuuuuuuute.”

Honestly though, the chance of this sucking is very high. At the very least, I hope they remember to unsuccessfully replace Chrissy Snow’s character two times through the movie.

Pic: ABC

File This Under: “Girl, You Can Do Better”

I mean, not a lot better, since we all know her vagina craves douchebag-flavored dick. But at least better than professional headache Justin Bieber. So remember back in October, when the Kardashian sister that most closely resembles Kim’s original body and face, Kourtney Kardashian, was seen slinking out of a club with Justin Bieber? And then two months later a rumor started going around that the two were doing it regularly? Well according to People, it’s still going on.

A source tells People that soon-to-be 37-year-old Kourtney and just-turned 22-year-old Justin have been “hooking up on and off for a few months now.” No one can really know for sure whether or not Justin and Kourtney are friends with-I-wouldn’t-call-humping-on-Bieber-a-benefit. But this might explain things for Justin’s on-again/off again girlfriend Selena Gomez if his dick has smelled like laser-fried cooch recently.

I’m all for anyone getting it, whatever “it” does it for them. But to quote the great Tommy Lee Jones, I cannot sanction your buffoonery, Kourtney. Justin may be 22, but his brain can’t be more advanced than that of a 16-year-old high school drop out. And you know that would carry over into how he has sex. I bet he calls it “gettin’ nasty“, will only do it on the couch in her rec-room after putting Family Guy on mute, and only pulls his boxers down to his knees. If Khloe really wants to save someone, she should swoop and save her sister. At the very least, someone needs to teach her how to love herself.

Here’s Kourtney with the other children in her life, her actual children Penelope and Reign, leaving some singing class in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Puck From Glee Has Been Arrested For Possession Of Child Pornography

Here’s a whole ten tons of gross for a Tuesday, and no, I’m not referring to the cloud of sleazy douche stank that’s wafting off that picture above. According to Crime Watch Daily (via Extra), Mark Salling – aka Puck from Glee – was arrested this morning by the LAPD for possession of child pornography. Feel free to run to the bathroom and start your Silkwood shower now.

Sources say that the LAPD Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force Unit served Puck with a search warrant at his home early this morning. TMZ says the police were tipped off by an ex-girlfriend. Obviously shit wasn’t good when they got inside, because he was arrested shortly after. Extra says the alleged newest member of the Famous Sick Fucks club (current acting president: Subway Jared) is currently being transported to jail, where he’ll be booked and things might get messier.

This isn’t Mark Salling’s first time calling his lawyer and asking to clear some space in their day planner. Almost three years ago, Mark was sued by his ex-girlfriend for allegedly forcing her to have sex without a condom and getting violent with her. Except this is the first time his lawyer can play the “I don’t know him” card in the event they want to pass their client (and this whole alleged possession of child porn business) off to someone else. And it’s not exactly like they’d be lying; hearing the words “I don’t know him” in the same sentence as “Puck from Glee” is probably a pretty common occurrence in 2015.

Pic: Wenn.com

Ryan Reynolds Admits He Was Carrying His Baby Wrong In That Baby Carrier Picture

Two weeks ago, Blake Lively decided to celebrate Ryan Reynolds’ first Father’s Day by posting a picture on Instagram of her husband carrying around their 6-month-old baby James. Rather than receiving a million comments saying “Aw sOoOoOo cute!!!“, a bunch of moms exploded into a mob of angry snakes and hissed at Ryan for not putting his baby in the carrier properly. Well, while hustling his new movie Self/Less on the TODAY show Tuesday morning, Ryan admitted he was wrong and promised to not let it happen again.

“The baby’s not properly secured in the vessel that I’m wearing there. I’m a first-time dad, and that is not the first mistake I’ve made. I can guarantee you it won’t be last. I’d never used that particular carrier before. Every other time has been perfect.”

I would love to know what some of the other mistakes Ryan has made are. I’m sure if you asked Blake Lively, most of them probably have to do with feeding Baby James strained peas straight from the jar instead of hand-mashing freshly-picked petits pois and serving it out of a rustic antique mason jar.

Shortly before he made good with one group, Ryan managed to accidentally piss off another. During the audience Q&A portion of a recent interview with AOL, Ryan Reynolds was asked what it’s like to have a wife who “literally slays it on the red carpet with whatever outfit she has on” and what he thinks about Beyonce. Ryan cemented his name at the top of the Beyhive’s shit list for the rest of his living days by answering with the following:

“My wife knows how to work a red carpet, I’ll say that. She might be the Beyonce of red carpets. And Beyonce, she’s the Michael Jordan of music to me. I’ve seen four of her shows, and that’s what comes to mind every time.”

I’m sorry, but doesn’t Ryan realize that her royal highness Beyonce is the queen of everything? Beyonce is the Beyonce of the red carpet. Beyonce is also the Beyonce of basketball (sorry, Michael Jordan). Beyonce is the Beyonce of Beyonce. I don’t even know what that means, but according to Beyonce, that’s a 100% true fact.

Here’s Ryan hustling Self/Less yesterday in what appears to be the lobby of a Holiday Inn.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Bradley Cooper Is Replacing Clint Eastwood As The Director Of The “A Star Is Born” Remake

My thoughts exactly, Clint, my thoughts exactly.

A Star Is Born has been remade approximately 587 times and none of the remakes have been terrible (side-eyeing your ass if you think the one with Kris Kristofferson’s luscious hair was trash), so of course Hollywood has decided to completely butcher it, dip its mutilated parts in warm vomit and leave it in the gutter for the maggots to feast on. For years, Hollywood has been talking about making another A Star Is Born. The plan was for Clint Eastwood to direct and for Razzie nominee Beyonce to play the Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand role. When our new messiah Blue Ivy Carter began gestating, Beyonce stepped back from the remake and Clint was supposedly talking to Esperanza Spalding about taking over. That went nowhere and then Clint checked out, because he wanted to focus on writing and directing a riveting and gripping biopic about that empty chair. (I WISH.)

The remake of A Star Is Born didn’t file itself under “Bullets We Dodged” when Clint walked away. It stayed alive and now Deadline says that Bradley Cooper, who was at one point in talks to star opposite Beyonce, is going to direct and act in it. This is how A MESS IS BORN.

According to Deadline, Warner Bros. is hoping B. Coop will make his directorial debut with this future mess and they also want him to star in it. Once B. Coop’s deal is done, they’re going to try to get Beyonce back on the project. B. Coop plans to get fully into this wreck after he finishes his run in The Elephant Man in London this summer.

On B. Coop’s IMDB page, he has zero solid directing credits, so it’s a great idea to let him direct a multi-million dollar feature film!

But seriously, you might be thinking to yourself “What could go wrong?” since B. Coop hasn’t really directed anything and Beyonce has the acting skills of a Styrofoam peanut. My response to that is: Nothing is going wrong and everything is going right, because I’ve been patiently waiting for a Glitter 2 and this could be it.

I just hope that Beyonce and B. Coop switch roles, because I’d pucker myself raw while watching his blue eyes twinkle as he crooned out his rendition of this: