Nicky Hilton Got Pushed On Her Pancake Ass!

Nicky Hilton getting pushed down + IHOP + A Citzen’s Arrest + A transient = A fucking amazing story worth a standing ovation and a dick slap. Seriously, I want to get my lazy ass out of my chair and clappity clap for this hotness. I just wish Vivica Fox and her SLYCIC friends told us this would happen beforehand, so that we could set up seats, order a Rooty Tooty and cheer on the transient!

TMZ says that for some reason (*cough*coke pick-up*cough*) Nicky Hilton was outside of IHOP in West Hollywood at 5am when she got into an altercation with a “transient.” The country’s newest hero then pushed Nicky to the ground.

Surprisingly, Nicky’s bony ass didn’t break into a million pieces. Nicky got up and then pulled a citizen’s arrest on his ass. The police showed up and the transient was arrested.

The only way this story could get hotter is if the transient turned out to be Dollhouse Dude. But I’m pretty sure the transient was a skinny baby or a scrappy kitten, because you have to be one weak ho to get arrested by Nicky Hilton. All you gotta do is clap your hands and the sound vibrations will send that bitch flying.

And I’m so fucking mad that Nicky Hilton got to scream “CITIZEN’S ARREST! CITIZEN’S ARREST!” That shit was wasted on that skank.

Insert Obvious Joke Here

Actually, I take that back. The joke isn’t obvious. She’s posing with a dog, not a fucking potato.

Here’s our little Tater Head at The Power of Paws event in NYC last night. The pooch with Rumer is a true professional and gentleman. He’s allowing Rumer to touch and pose with him, but he dare not look her straight in the chin. That would make him lose his composure. I’m assuming poochie is a he, because all dogs who look like that are dudes. Dudes or gayelles.

Someone should have barked at poochie to help Rumer lift up those saggy cutlets! It’s driving me crazy. I hate to see a couple of sad titties.

Nicky Hilton, Caridee English and some other ho also showed up to last night’s event. Now, Nicky posing with a dog is an obvious joke.

Worst Prize Ever

The chick with the blonde HGTV hair above won some Mother’s Day contest from Wonky and Nicky Hilton. The prize included a shopping spree with the praying mantis skanks and their mother. I hope the woman got all her shots. I would have cashed out that prize and spent it on dinner at Hometown Buffet. If I’m going to catch salmonella, I might as well get it from delicious fried chicken than from Wonky’s skank fumes.

The Skank Whore In Red

Our favorite poster couple for the CDC, Parasite Hilton and Benji Madden, attended Nicky Hilton’s fashion show in the tents yesterday. Unfortunately, it was not a fumigation tent. Someone really should have thought about that. They missed out on catching two of the most diseased skanks in Los Angeles and quarantining their nastiness.

Parasite and Benji also showed off their “bowel movement” and “pussy hole” rings. Sucio.

Nicky Hilton Is Skinny

These pictures of Nicky Hilton out shopping yesterday has everyonehorrified at how “extremely skinny” she looks. You would look like that too if you had to look at Paris and Kathy Hilton’s skank faces every day. Nicky just needs to get away from Paris and Kathy, so she gets her appetite back.

Of Course!!

18-year-old Barron Hilton has followed in his sister’s foosteps by getting arrested for DUI at 8:30 this morning in Malibu. He was pulled over on PCH. He was driving in a black Mercedes-Benz with a passenger. No, it wasn’t Paris or Nicky. TMZ reports that no drugs were found. He is currently being booked.

Mug shot! Mug shot! Mug shot! Nicky Hilton needs to step it up. I’m sure Kathy Hilton wants a complete wall of mug shots of all her children. It makes a Hilton proud.

I’m sure he will get bonus points from Kathy for being drunk at 8 in the morning.

UPDATE: PageSix.com claims Barron ran into a gas station employee before getting arrested this morning. The worker said he got knocked ot the ground. He said, “The Mercedes lost control as it was turning into the gas station and Barron got out of the car and he was totally drunk and couldn’t walk straight.” Even more bonus points! Kathy is creaming herself over this one.

Wenn