Category: Luke Perry
Luke Perry Is In The Hospital After Reportedly Suffering A Stroke (UPDATE)
Just one day after news of that bizarre 90210 reboot punched a HUH? out of us, we’re learning that Luke Perry had a major stroke and is in the hospital right now. QUICK! Everybody grab your 90210 crucifix (read: a Dylan McKay doll) and a vat of 90210 holy water (read: some drugstore 90210 perfume from the 90s) and form a prayer circle around Dylan McKay now!
Shit That Doesn’t Make Sense: A “90210 ” Revival Without The Queen Brenda Walsh
Late last year, news about yet another Beverly Hills, 90210 reboot/revival/whatever was burped up when Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Jason Priestley, and Brian Austin Green were papped getting coffee in between laughably pitching to networks. I say “laughably,” because I can only imagine how raw the vocal cords of network executives got as they laughed uncontrollably while Jennie and company seriously pitched a 90210 reboot without The Forever Queen of 90210 that is Brenda Walsh. 90210 without Brenda Walsh is like broccoli without mayonnaise. It’s boring, bland, and nobody wants it. And like broccoli with mayonnaise, if you don’t like Brenda Walsh, you obviously have no taste and don’t know what you’re talking about!
But I guess FOX needed a tax write-off, because they bought the 90210 reboot that will be 100% Brenda-less.
Kelly & Dylan: The Sitcom
Just like Clare Arnold’s wonk eye, my soul dramatically fell to the side yesterday when a rumor went around that Kelly Taylor was rubbing her bull dozer vagina all over Dylan McKay’s California Raisin face. It looks like that rumor was just a STUNT QUEEN move to promote the sitcom that Jennie Garth and Luke Perry are shopping around.
Jennie’s rep once again told Rumor Fix that she’s not screwing on Luke and they’re just working on some dumb TV show together. The rep said, “They have been spending a lot of time together recently because the two are working on developing a TV sitcom together. It will be a multi-camera half hour show, currently we have producers and writers and are meeting with networks.”
Gross. The only thing worse than Jennie and Luke being an actual couple is them making a baby together in the form of a TV show that will obviously play on TVLand (aka the retirement home for 90s TV stars). I just want to take Jennie and Luke’s TV show for a walk in the park and say to it, “Why are you doing this to me?! I hate you! Never show up on my TV again!“
That Life-Ruining Tramp Slut Kelly Taylor Just Can’t Stop Herself
We’ve all seen this episode a million times, but I guess Kelly Taylor is really into re-living the reruns, because that stringy-haired, Contempo Casuals-wearing, home-wrecking klepto skank is at it again. The literary journal of 100% truthiness that is The National Enquirer (via Page Six) says that while shooting that piece of crap Old Navy commercial, Jennie Garth and Luke Perry found love in a Brenda Walsh-less place. Ever since then, Kelly Taylor has been riding Dylan McKay and I bet that when she stares deep into his greasy tenhead, she sees Brenda Walsh winking back at her. Some source (aka a publicist for Old Navy using a pay phone at the Peach Pit) said this about Kelly and Dylan’s reunion:
“Since seeing Luke again, Jennie has fallen in love with him and Luke feels the same. There is an electricity between them that has been revived after all these years. It just happened.”
That electricity isn’t from chemistry, it’s from Brenda Walsh burning them with her bitch eyes. Jennie’s rep denies all of this and says she’s just friends with Luke, but whatever. I know how that Dylan-jacking whore operates. Let Kelly have her fun while she can, because we all know how this ends. Yes, it ends with me finally checking into a mental hospital to seek treatment for not letting go of TV shows from the 90s, but it also ends like this:
Jennie: What are you doing for Labor Day?
Luke: Going to Baja.
Jennie: …….