Lena Dunham Is In The Hospital With A Ruptured Ovarian Cyst

Professional Girl(s), author and staunch anti-body shamer, Lena Dunham (no relation to Jeff Dunham. I mention it because I always have to check. I love puppets. So sue me!) went to the hospital last night because of a ruptured ovarian cyst. Lena has talked before about dealing with endometriosis. Lena’s rep released a statement to People yesterday:

“Lena Dunham has been very public with her personal bouts with endometriosis. This morning, she suffered from an ovarian cyst rupture and has been taken to the hospital. Lena will be undergoing surgery at an undisclosed hospital. We thank you for you understanding and hope that Lena’s privacy will be respected.”

In February, Lena went on Instagram to let fans and non-fans alike know that she wouldn’t be doing press for the latest season of Girls because of her condition. The disease is chronic so flare ups are common and like any chronic disease, the sufferer needs to rest their ass.

Hey Beloved Pals, I just wanted to let you know that, while I am so excited for Girls to return on Feb 21, I won’t be out and about doing press for the new season. As many of you know I have endometriosis, a chronic condition that affects approximately 1 in 10 women’s reproductive health. I am currently going through a rough patch with the illness and my body (along with my amazing doctors) let me know, in no uncertain terms, that it’s time to rest. That’s a hard thing to do, but I’m trying, because all I want is to make season 6 of Girls the best one yet. I’m lucky enough to have support and backup from Jenni, Judd and the whole Girls gang. So many women with this disease literally don’t have the option of time off and I won’t take it for granted. Wishing you all health & happiness, in whatever form suits you. Back soon xxLena

A photo posted by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on Feb 8, 2016 at 12:42pm PST

While I’m not a fan of her show, I’m also not a fan of people being sick. Let’s hope she gets better and gets back to work, including hawking Goop’s skincare line on Instagram. Gwyneth needs her!

Pic: Wenn

Lena Dunham Is Sorry For Accusing A Spanish Magazine Of Photoshopping Her Body

If you’re looking at that picture above and wondering why a magazine is trying to pass off an awkward preteen squirrel as Lena Dunham, you’re not alone. Lena Dunham herself did the same thing. Lena posted a picture on Instagram of the cover of the March issue of El País’ Tentaciones, a Spanish magazine I assumed was about sensual octopi but isn’t (I checked), and slapped at them for de-Lena’ing her body.

“Oh hello El Pais! I am genuinely honored to be on your cover and so happy you licensed a pic by @ruvenafanador, who always makes me feel gorgeous. BUT this is NOT what my body has ever looked like or will ever look like – the magazine has done more than the average photoshop. So if you’re into what I do, why not be honest with your readers? Much love, Lena.”

Shortly after Lena called them out, Tentaciones hissed back, saying they never do any retouching and that’s what the picture looked like when they licensed it. That picture of Lena is from a three-year-old issue of Entertainment Weekly, and according to Tentaciones, the only editing they did was crop the bottom of her legs out. Lena crawled back to Instagram and posted a picture of the uncropped image with an apology.

Hey Tentaciones- thank you for sending the uncropped image (note to the confused: not unretouched, uncropped!) and for being so good natured about my request for accuracy. I understand that a whole bunch of people approved this photo before it got to you- and why wouldn't they? I look great. But it's a weird feeling to see a photo and not know if it's your own body anymore (and I'm pretty sure that will never be my thigh width but I honestly can't tell what's been slimmed and what hasn't.) I'm not blaming anyone (y'know, except society at large.) I have a long and complicated history with retouching. I wanna live in this wild world and play the game and get my work seen, and I also want to be honest about who I am and what I stand for. Maybe it's turning 30. Maybe it's seeing my candidate of choice get bashed as much for having a normal woman's body as she is for her policies. Maybe it's getting sick and realizing ALL that matters is that this body work, not that it be milky white and slim. But I want something different now. Thanks for helping me figure that out and sorry to make you the problem, you cool Spanish magazine you. Time to get to the bottom of this in a bigger way. Time to walk the talk. With endless love, Lena PS I'd love the Tentaciones subscription I was offered!

A photo posted by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on Mar 1, 2016 at 8:40am PST

Somewhere on a tour bus, a confused Hillary Clinton is like “The fuck she drag me into this for?”

I can sort of understand where Lena is coming from. Except instead of “There’s no way I’m that skinny“, it’s “There’s no way I’m that fat.” Which is usually followed by “Yes, I see that it’s a picture of me dipping chicken nuggets into a red solo cup filled with cake frosting, but there’s no way that’s my body. Someone has clearly Photoshopped that picture.”

Pic: Lena Dunham Instagram

Lena Dunham Doesn’t Like Justin Bieber’s New Song

Some people don’t like Justin Bieber’s new song, because it’s sung by Justin Bieber, but Lena Dunham doesn’t like it for a different reason. Lena Dunham thinks that some of the lyrics in the Biebs’ “What Do You Mean?” promote rape culture. Before I agree or disagree with Lena, I need to check the law to see if it states that promoting rape culture in a pop song will result in lifetime imprisonment.

In the Biebs’ new song, he yodels out the lyrics,  “What do you mean? / When you nod your head yes / But you wanna say no / What do you mean?” The Internet ran their magnifying glasses over the stupid lyrics of a Justin Bieber song and some think that he’s Robin Thicke Jr. The Biebs recently explained the meaning of his extremely deep song to the evil mastermind frog Ryan Seacrest: 

“Well, girls are often just flip-floppy … They say something and they mean something else. So … what do you mean? I don’t really know, that’s why I’m asking.”

I listened to “What Do You Mean?” a few times (for research purposes only, okay?) and I didn’t get a “Blurred Lines” vibe from it at all. But the Little Critter of Brooklyn did and she let it be known that she doesn’t like it. Lena never called out the Biebs by name, but you don’t have to ask her “Who do you mean?” to know who the hell she’s talking about.

Let's do away with pop songs where a girl nods yes when she means no and vice versa, k?

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 31, 2015

Lena also played coy on Instagram.

Of course, Lena opened up a can of rage and the Beliebers are pounding their keyboards to death while going after her on Twitter. I scanned her mentions and a huge chunk of Beliebers told Lena to shut her mouth and mentioned what she wrote about her sister in her book.

Damn everybody involved in this. If the Biebs never shat up that song, Lena Dunham would’ve never tweeted that tweet. If Lena Dunham never tweeted that tweet, I wouldn’t have had to kind-of-sort-of defended Justin Bieber. Damn them all!

Pic: Wenn.com

Lena Dunham Won’t Be Getting On Stage With Taylor Swift And Her Supermodel Crew Again

On Friday night, Taylor Swift picked four members of her famous girlfriend collection and let them march out on stage with her during a show in New Jersey. To prove that she wasn’t playing favorites, because the last thing Tay Tay wants is a gangly-limbed jealous girlfight back stage, one of the four was Lena Dunham. Or as the other three refer to her, “that short girl in flats that I’m trying desperately not to look at.” Lena Dunham has always seemed like the strangest friend in Tay Tay’s collection, because she’s not a six-foot-tall model with the face and hair of a Homecoming Queen Skipper doll. And apparently Lena Dunham didn’t realize how awkward it looked when she stood next to Taylor and the rest of the Debbies until she saw the picture. Lena described it during a talk with the Film Society of Lincoln Center on Monday night:

“I shan’t be walking that runway again. I was so thrilled to support my friend and so displeased to learn about the truth of my own height. I’ve been feeling pretty tall, feeling pretty sturdy, and it was amazing to me, like, ‘Oh, I’m not tall, I’m chubby.’ It’s different. But I mean, on most days, I feel really great and fine about my body, but I don’t think standing next to, like, three supermodels or so is anything even the most confident woman needs to do. And when I socialize with those women, which I’ve done a little bit, because they’re good friends of Taylor’s, who is a good friend of mine, I don’t feel so strange. But the minute I caught sight of myself in the Jumbotron, I knew something was very wrong.”

Lena added that shortly after Tay Tay threw up the picture to Instragram, she started receiving texts from her other non-Taylor friends saying: “I just want you to know you’re beautiful.” Those shady bitches. That’s such a Mimi-Rose Howard thing to say.

I wonder if Lena will use this experience and write about standing on stage with Tay Tay and her tall-ass friends for her upcoming GOOP-ish newsletter, Lenny. I can practically see the headline now. “Almost Staring Into The Eye Of The Camel Toe by Lena Dunham.”

Pic: Instagram

That Taylor Swift Video That Stars Every Chick Alive Is Finally Out

During the past couple of weeks or so, Taylor Swift has pussy burped up poster after poster after poster of all the “characters” in her video for her song Bad Blood (working title: Die Katy Perry Die). It felt like there were approximately 10,999 posters and I thought that I would die of old age before the last one was released. Well, she finally released them all and the video was finally shown at the beginning of the Billboard Music Awards tonight. Since everybody and their back-up dealer was in it, I figured it would be 2 and a half hours long, but it wasn’t. It was seven billion cameos shoved into a 4-minute long video. 98% of the women in it, don’t need to be in it, but I guess it’s Taylor Swift’s way of telling us that she’s really, really popular and a bunch of famous, famous-ish (and not really famous-ish at all) people will be in her video if she asks them.

This video is what would end up in the toilet if Brit Brit’s video for “Toxic” gorged itself on The Hunger Games and washed it down with a glass of Katy Perry’s tears mixed with Kill Bill before barfing. Taylor Swift plays some kind of spy who gets double-crossed by her fellow spy played by Selena Gomez. Tay Tay is about as threatening as a sedated ladybug in a tutu and her badass face look like “I’m constipated but trying to be sexy” Selena Gomez is slightly more threatening than a sedated ladybug in a tutu and she looks like she’s starring as Velma Kelly in a kindergarten production of Chicago. Behold:

If a 12-year-old girl with millions of dollars and access to a camera crew and a whole lot of leather catsuits made a fun video of her and her girlfriends playing “spies” during her slumber party, that is what that video would look like. With that being said, Cindy Crawford and Mariska Hargitay look hot.

Lena Dunham And Jack Antonoff Won’t Be Getting Married Until Everyone Else Is Allowed To

You would think that every morning you woke up next to a human pile of vaguely Andy Samberg-ian hot-cute like Jack Antonoff, your crotch parts would pull a Michael Bluth and send an urgent message up to your brain informing it to lock that down. But Lena Dunham told Ellen DeGeneres on Monday’s episode of Ellen that she has no plans to make it legal with her piece of 3 years until everyone in all 50 states is allowed to get married.

“Well, it’s something that … the idea of having a celebration that can’t be fully shared among all the people in my life and all the people that we love just doesn’t really feel like a celebration at all. So, until that’s something that everyone can join into with no sense of being left out on any level, politically, emotionally, it’s just not something that we’re gonna do.”

Obviously, there’s a long-ass list of famous types who said they weren’t going to get married unless everyone could and then slowly tip-toed to the chapel, but I believe Lena and Jack. Lena’s sister is a gayelle, which means that if she does end up going back on her promise and gets hitched before every gay and gayelle is allowed to, she’s in for a world of shit. Sisters are genetically programmed to remind you of every time you said you’d do something and then weaseled your way out of it. I’m no scientist, but I believe part of the structure of sister DNA is a scoff and the words “Um, may I remind you of the time…“. I’m sure if you asked my sister, she’ll confirm that this is 100% true.

Here’s Lena wearing a dress that looks like what happens when I read a sewing pattern wrong (which is all the time) at PaleyFest yesterday:

Pics: Splash