Category: Jude Law
Open Post: Hosted By The High Priestess Of The Goth Roly Polies
If Amelia Earhart crashed her plane onto an island ruled by a cult who considers Missy Elliott their God and they took her falling from the sky as a sign and declared her as their Pontiff, this is what she would look like.
The Trailer For The Natalie Portman “Lady Gaga Lite” Movie Is Out
Little Monsters everywhere turned off their hearing aids today because Lady Gaga is surely shrieking up a storm that Natalie Portman is coming for her Oscar weave by basically playing Gaga in a piece of Oscar bait. I heard a while ago that Natalie was going to singe our eyeballs in the name of her craft by playing an unhinged pop star. I just assumed it meant she was going to regurgitate everything Britney Spears did circa 2007, but this just screams “Ra ra, bitch!” It kind of looks like her Black Swan character decided to try on a Jersey accent and complement it with a heavily moussed hairdo.
Entertainment Weekly says the premise of the movie is that Celeste, played by Natalie, survives a school shooting before going on to become the world’s biggest pop star. It flashes forward to Celeste in her adult years where she’s full of rage and apparently armed with metallic silver hairspray and pissed over losing out on childhood because of the shooting. Celeste can’t catch a break because the night before she’s supposed to rock out at an arena in her hometown, terrorists break into a resort and open gunfire. She also has to put up with Jude Law attempting an American accent as her manager. No wonder she hits the bottle so hard.
We hear what faintly sounds like the instrumental start to Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want To Have Fun,” so I’m really hoping Celeste is a pop star who only performs Cyndi covers. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. There’s all sorts of strife and scream acting, and I guess Sia wrote the soundtrack, and Natalie sang all her music. Sorry, Gaga. Maybe you can try for a spot in Cats and have a better shot at Oscar?
Pic: YouTube
Amazon Doesn’t Have A Release Date For Woody Allen’s “A Rainy Day In New York”
Yesterday we learned that 2019 would be the first year in several decades in which Woody Allen won’t be releasing a film. According to Page Six, that honor might go to 2018 instead. His latest for Amazon, A Rainy Day in New York, was shot last September and October in New York on a budget of $25 million, and was reportedly scheduled for release later this year. No official date was set, it was more just a ballpark estimate depending on when Amazon Studios decided it should come out. Page Six seems to think that A Rainy Day will never see the light of day. They claim the movie has been “shelved” indefinitely.
When asked for comment, Amazon said: “No release date has ever been set for the film.”
It probably wouldn’t be too big of a shock if Amazon shelved it completely. Audiences might not want to watch Jude Law have sex with what he thinks is a 15-year-old girl. Or possibly the bigger elephant in the room, Woody himself. A few months after filming wrapped and #MeToo broke, several actors who have worked with Woody spoke out and vowed never to work again with the alleged creep. A Rainy Day stars Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Hall, and Griffin Newman all donated their salaries to charity.
But maybe there’s nothing up, and Amazon just hasn’t picked a date. Or maybe Amazon has shelved it for the time being while they work with their marketing department and decide what kind of tagline should be on the poster for A Rainy Day in New York. Because “Even the actors in this film don’t want to be associated with this downpour of cringe” feels just a tad long.
Pic: Wenn.com
Jude Law On Dumbledore’s Sexuality In The New “Fantastic Beasts” Movie
Five-time bareback baby maker Jude Law is playing the young Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter prequel film series Fantastic Beasts And How To Employ Every British Actor At Once. His Dumbledore makes his first appearance in the latest one, The Crimes of Grindelwald, and blah blah blah Snape blah blah blah horcrux just get to the point – does he get any peen in the flick?
Open Post: Hosted By These Two Messes
As I said in Night Crumbs on Friday, my dog has the sicks and he’s still down and out, which is why I’ve been MIA most of today. I know he’s really down and out, because while driving in the car this morning, an Ariana Grande Latte song played and he didn’t even have the energy to throw me a, “Bitch, why aren’t you changing this shit. I’ve been through enough,” look. I was at the vet with him for a huge chunk of the day and he’s still there. While we were waiting to see the doctor earlier, I was scrolling through pics on my phone and my eyeballs got a serving of Nicole Kidman and Jude Law at the NYC premiere of their movie Genius last night. Don’t worry, I covered my screen while looking at these pictures. I didn’t want my dog to get even more sick from looking at Nicole’s “Miss Kitty after getting ran over by a wagon while going to a funeral” dress. That would be cruel!
So this will be my last post of the day and tomorrow may be a lighter day for me as well, depending on how things go today. For now, I leave you with more pictures of Jude smuggling two bottles of rum in those wide ass pants and Nicole wearing what looks like a messy fight between a goth ice skater’s costume, a slutty toddler’s funeral dress and a black bordello lamp. None of them are winning. These pictures also proved to me that Nicole Kidman is un-meltable, because she’s standing that close to Jude’s piping hot burnt skin and there’s not even one drop of water trickling down her ice face.
Pics: Splash
Open Post: Hosted By More Pics Of Jude Law As The Pope
Jude Law is back in Venice, Italy shooting that HBO series where he plays a young Pope. I have a feeling that there’s much more to the plot than just Jude Law being a pope whose dick bush hasn’t completely turned a bright shade of white yet. I bet that halfway through the series, we’ll find out that Jude Law isn’t human at all. He’s actually an Old Navy mannequin who left the retail game to live out his dream of being the head bitch of the Catholic church. I mean, that’s the only explanation for why Jude Law has forty layers of thick car paint on his face and it looks like he can only clean his plastic silver fox hair with Windex. This isn’t the Young Pope. This is the Mannequin Pope. He looks like a middle-aged Max Headroom as the Pope
That being said, I still would, but only if he keeps that Catholic yarmulke on his plastic hair.
Pics: AP, Wenn.com