Columbus, Ohio. It’s the capital city of Ohio, aaaand… welp, that’s where my knowledge ends (and real talk, I had to look up the “capital city” part). But the city is making headlines because of one of its famous former residents… Human Dorito, Guy Fieri. Here I was thinking that Guy hatched in a Vegas chop shop during a storm, but, nope, Columbus-born.
Right now there are a bunch of important petitions circulating, and Columbus resident Tyler Woodbridge thought he’d join the fight for change. He’s asking the mayor and city council to change Columbus’ name to “Flavortown”, which is the term Guy uses for delicious food. The petition already has 31,000 signatures. Tyler says the name change will both honor Guy Fieri and address the horrors committed by the city’s current namesake, Christopher Columbus.
“Columbus is an amazing city, but one whose name is tarnished by the very name itself,” the petition states. “Its namesake, Christopher Columbus, is in The Bad Place because of all his raping, slave trading, and genocide. That’s not exactly a proud legacy.”
The authors of the petition wrote that the new name speaks to both the city’s culinary history and Fieri’s good-dude-ness. “For one, it honors Central Ohio’s proud heritage as a culinary crossroads and one of the nation’s largest test markets for the food industry. Secondly, cheflebrity Guy Fieri was born in Columbus, so naming the city in honor of him (he’s such a good dude, really) would be superior to its current nomenclature,” the petition stated.
Tyler (of course his name is Tyler) told Newsweek that he thought about the name “Tecumseh” (to honor the Indigenous leader), but opted for “Flavortown” because it’s “wholesome” and “inclusionary”. He went on to say:
“Even if you take the Guy Fieri influence completely out of it, it’s a nod to the cultural heritage of Columbus being a culinary crossroads and a test market for the food industry.”
He also said Fieri himself helps the momentum of the whole idea. “It doesn’t hurt matters that Guy Fieri’s essentially a living cartoon and can really help propel the whole absurdity of the thing.”
The only snag to this flawless plan is that Guy’s current Twitter bio says he’s “The Mayor of Flavortown”. So… does that mean if the name change goes through, the old mayor is automatically nixed and Guy reigns supreme? It could totally happen, this is America, we’re talking about.
But, honestly, Columbus could do a lot worse. Even though his style is douchier than a Criss Angel/Ryan Cabrera love child, Guy’s always seemed like he has a big heart (I like to watch Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives when I clean). This is why I wasn’t surprised when he raised over $20 million for restaurant workers who lost their jobs during the pandemic. He’s a man of the people!
Since this will probably never happen, we’ll have to find other ways to honor Guy Fieri. Me? I’ll probably sprinkle some pre-grated cheese onto a plate and microwave till it sizzles. Top that baby off with some siracha, and I’m headed straight to “Flavortown”!