LeAnn Rimes And Eddie Cibrian Respond To The Divorce Rumors By Grossing Us Out

Last week, Star Magazine’s cover story was about how LeAnn Rimes is a drunk, psychotic, needy luck dragon disaster and Eddie Cibrian plans to file divorce papers in Fantastica’s highest court, because a shameless gold digging whore can only take so much. Eddie and LeAnn shat on Star’s story right after it came out and last night, they really shat on that story by filling everybody’s eyes up with barf. At the Hollywood premiere of The Best Man Holiday, Eddie put his mouth on LeAnn’s mouth in front of photographers and everybody around them said in unison, “So THAT’S what it would look like if a gold digging whore gave mouth-to-mouth to a Galapagos Tortoise.”

Eddie told Extra’s Terri Seymour last night that Star spits out more lies than he does when he comes home at night and LeAnn drunkenly asks him why he smells like random cooch and no regrets. Eddie said this to Extra:

“It’s just ludicrous. They say we’re going through a $50-million divorce… they just have no fact checking whatsoever. Most of the time, all you can do is laugh because it’s so out there and outrageous.”

Thank you, Eddie, for using the perfect word to describe Star’s story. Ludicrous IS the word. It’s ludicrous for Star to say that LeAnn is worth $50 million, because if that was true, he’d be dragging her ass in divorce court to get a piece of that mountain of cash. But really, Eddie took vows and he plans to stay with LeAnn until he finds a richer replacement. That might take a while since MeetSugarMommas.com hasn’t approved his profile yet.

Here’s more of the squinting STUNT QUEENS kissing at the premiere of The Best Man Holiday, which also brought Baby Wipes Howard, Taye Diggs and Lil Mama.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

There’s Trouble In Falkor Paradise

The plastic skeleton that is hanging on your neighbor’s front porch for Halloween might have a new set of balloons tits on it and that’s because it thinks it has a chance with Eddie Cibrian after finding out that he might be dumping that other plastic skeleton with balloon tits.

America’s foremost journal of truth and integrity Star Magazine says that the black card in Eddie Cibrian’s wallet and the luxury car he bought with LeAnn Rimes’ money isn’t enough to soothe the last nerve that splits every time he has to deal with her crazy ass. After two years of marriage, Star’s source says that Eddie can’t take it anymore and living with psycho LeAnn is a lot like being stuck in a 6′ X 6′ room with a methed-up horse and a sneaky snake. Eddie is waiting until they shoot their fake reality shit show before he tries to pull as much money as he can out of her luck dragon claws. Star’s source said:

“They’ve only been married for two and a half years, but she’s been driving him to distraction with her psycho behavior from the moment they first hooked up. It’s been getting continuously worse since they made it official, and Eddie can’t take it anymore; he’s at the end of his rope.”

The source also says that Eddie might be running back into the bony arms of Brandi Glanville, because he texts her every time he gets into it with LeAnn.

Of course, LeAnn’s spokeswhore has already whistled at GossipCop to say that Star’s story is full of more shit than LeAnn and Eddie combined.

For once, I kind of believe LeAnn’s spokeswhore. Eddie is living a gold digger’s dream. He gets to live in a mansion, luxuriate on a pile of money and hump his side pieces out in the open, because LeAnn is too busy tweeting at her haters and getting drunk in the closet. What’s with that drunk in the closet shit anyway? LeAnn pays the mortgage! Eddie should be banging his side pieces in the closet while she gets to get drunk all over the house. I swear, some cheating gold diggers have no respect!

Dean Sheremet Had No Idea That LeAnn Rimes Was Doing Eddie Cibrian

Besides today being National Coming Out Day (hint hint, Dean), I guess it’s also National Act Like It’s 2009 Again Day, because LeAnn Rimes’ ex-husband, dancer turned chef Dean Sheremet, talked to Access Hollywood about the day he found out that his wife was wrapping her luck dragon snatch around Eddie Cibrian’s wandering dick.

Dean (aka the Dollar Tree Jennifer Aniston) tells Access Hollywood that while LeAnn (aka the Dollar Tree Brad Pitt) was shooting Lifetime’s Northern Lights (aka the Dollar Tree Mr. & Mrs. Smith) with Eddie Cibrian (aka the Dollar Tree Angie Jolie) in Canada, she called him one day to tell him that UsWeekly might’ve gotten a hold of pictures of her mouth on Eddie’s mouth.

“I had a call…from LeAnn. She said, ‘Well, Us Weekly may or may not have a picture of me and Eddie kissing.’ I’m like, ‘Whoa! What do you mean may or may not have a picture? What does that mean?’ So then…it unfolded from there. The affair was, I mean, of all the things that I could have ever imagined would have happened, I never would have thought. I guess you have that assumption that the person that you’re with would never do something like that. How close we were, I just never saw it coming. If anyone would have seen it, I thought that I would have.”

Dean got married to a new chick in 2011 and says that he doesn’t hate the skanky Falkor:

“We don’t really talk. I have no animosity towards her. I have nothing but love for her, and I really wish her the best. But we don’t really talk that much. There’s not really a need to. I don’t really know what we would talk about.

I don’t know [if I] dodged a bullet… every relationship you learn from. I think that was my learning experience of what I needed to do to pick myself up and kind of do what I needed to do,” he said reflecting back. It’s hard to delineate where I stopped and LeAnn began. We were so intertwined, I was husband, I was father, I was manager. There were so many different roles and it was hard to juggle all of those things, when you just want to be in love with someone.”

No, Dean didn’t dodge a bullet. Dean dodged a squinty, bony, Twitter-obsessed fame whore chemical weapon of mass destruction who can’t stop wearing bikinis.

And since LeAnn Rimes’ brain is embedded with a WiFi chip that vibrates every time her name is mentioned on the Internet, she responded to Dean’s interview on Twitter:

I've got nothing! Over it, long gone, next… I mean really!? TGIF

— LeAnn Rimes Cibrian (@leannrimes) October 11, 2013

This bitch is right. How dare Dean Sorbetorwhatever get some attention and possibly a check for shitting at the mouth about a relationship that died years ago. How dare he! Doesn’t he know that only LeAnn can do that? I think that rule is written on the wall of her cave in Fantastica somewhere.

The Pin-Up Luck Dragon Tries To Be Sexy At Her Stepkid’s Soccer Game

LeAnn Rimes wanted to be the wet dream fantasy of every soccer dad and she wanted all the men at her stepson’s soccer game to cream their khaki shorts while thinking about sticking their peens in her gaping nostril cave, so she sprawled out on the grass and gave them some sexiness. If LeAnn posed like that at a soccer game on Fantastica, all the luck dragon-loving creatures would be wiping up the drool dripping out of their hard nipples. But since this was a soccer game attended by humans in Woodland Hills, CA on Earth, most people reacted like this when LeAnn brought the sex out:

The paps say that LeAnn gave them a show. She kissed on Eddie Cibrian, she pulled out a few genital-drying sexy poses and she theatrically hugged her stepson Mason in front of her arch rival Brandi Glanville. Brandi was probably too daytime drunk to give one fuck. Besides, like any responsible and mature adult, Brandi saves her fights for Twitter. And Brandi didn’t have to frown at Falkor’s sexy poses, because her knee did the frowning for her.

Maybe I’m still drunk from last night, but her knee kind of looks like a grimacing Admiral Ackbar.

Pics: Splash

Actors Are Going To Play Brandi Glanville And Her Kids In LeAnn And Eddie’s “Reality Show”

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian said that their “reality show“ (working title: The Real Assholes of Hidden Hills) for VH1 isn’t totally a reality show (what reality show is?). It’s completely scripted, but based on their lives. So, I guess it’s kind of like So NoTORIous, only way more unwatchable. InTouch Weekly says that LeAnn and Eddie want Brandi Glanville and his kids to be on that mess, but since Brandi would rather go sober for one night than be in their stupid reality show, they’re hiring actors.

Some source said, “They are going to have actors play Brandi and the kids’ characters in the show. LeAnn and Eddie were so against the kids being on RHOBH that they can’t have them in this.”

Hmmm… I see what’s really going on here. Child actors are going to pretend to be Brandi and Eddie’s kids, Eddie is going to pretend to be a loving husband who isn’t passing his peen to a bunch of 20-something side tricks and LeAnn isn’t going to play LeAnn. No, a felt Falkor doll is going to play LeAnn.

LeAnn is going to play Brandi! She finally gets to become Brandi! It’s what she’s always wanted. Thanks for making all of LeAnn’s dreams come true, VH1.

LeAnn Rimes And Eddie Cibrian’s Reality Show Is Happening

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian started shopping around their own reality shit show a few months ago and somebody actually bought it and surprisingly that somebody wasn’t Animal Planet. No offense to the animals of Animal Planet. VH1 announced today that they picked up 6 episodes of Falkor And The Gold Digger (working title) and it will scoot against TV screens sometime during the Fall 2013/Winter 2014. The producers of Duck Dynasty are producing The Squints’ new show, so I can’t wait for the crossover episode when the Robertson hillbillies blow on the Duck Commander and LeAnn flies into their yard. LeAnn and Eddie said this about their newest assault on your nerves (via THR):

“We are really excited to be working together on a unique show that will give you a glimpse into who we really are or better yet who we’re really not. We’re thrilled to partner with VH1 and the Gurneys to put our spin on a project full of love, humor and music.”

This is what they MEANT to say: “We are really excited to be getting a check, because for some reason Eddie keeps spending all our money on hotel rooms, condoms, champagne and dick deodorizer. Our show won’t give you a glimpse into who we really are. It’s going to be fake as shit like our marriage! We’re thrilled that VH1 is actually giving us money and we hope the Gurneys perform a miracle and get America to actually watch our annoying asses.”

And in a TOTAL coincidence, E! said today that Brandi Glanville is getting her own spin-off show on Bravo. The spin-off will follow Brandi as she gets over the marriage that died…… in 2009. I really hope her tampon string is a regular.