The Author Of An Essay Titled “How To Murder Your Husband” Was Found Guilty Of Murdering Her Husband

Giving big O.J. Simpson If I Did it: Confessions of the Killer evil energy but in the reverse order, an author who first wrote an essay giving hot tips on the best way to take out your husband was then found guilty of—wait for it—murdering her husband. Yesterday morning in Oregon, a jury found 71-year-old self-published romance novelist Nancy Crampton Brophy guilty of the June 2018 fatal shooting of her husband, chef, and culinary instructor Dan Brophy, according to People. 

Seven years earlier in 2011, Nancy wrote an essay that was supposed to just be *jokes* titled How to Murder Your Husband. In it, she gave her readers totally reasonable and hiiiiiilarious justifications for killing your groom like:

“Divorce is expensive, and do you really want to split your possessions?”

“Or if you married for money, aren’t you entitled to all of it? The drawback is the police aren’t stupid. They are looking at you first. So you have to be organized, ruthless and very clever.”

The couple ended up having financial issues, so Nancy had discussed with Dan wanting to pay off their debts and travel the world, but he wasn’t having it, people who knew the couple shared. According to prosecutors, that’s when Nancy decided to get him out of her way and get that cash since she stood to gain $1.5 million in life insurance money and home equity if Dan was dead. On the morning of June 2, Dan was shot and killed at his workplace, The Oregon Culinary Institute, while preparing to teach his class that day. Students arriving for class discovered him shortly after.

While Nancy apparently fancied herself proficient enough at murdering husbands to write an essay giving advice about it, her work was pretty shoddy. Even though the judge ruled that the essay couldn’t be used as evidence because “any minimal probative value of an article written that long ago is substantially outweighed by the danger of unfair prejudice and confusion of the issues,” in hindsight, the essay doesn’t look great and she still had several not “very clever” blunders that were presented at trial.

Up until Dan’s murder, Nancy kept the payments on their life insurance policy current, despite the fact that they were behind on their mortgage payments. She first searched for and bought a ghost gun kit online, which she claimed was for “novel research.” She then ended up also buying a Glock 17 handgun (the murder weapon) at the Portland Gun Expo. On the day of the slaying, her van was caught on traffic cameras near the scene at the time of Dan’s murder. Also, as she was held in jail before the trial, nefarious Nancy allegedly told a cellmate that she shot Dan in the heart twice, and then used her arms to demonstrate how far away from him she was when she fired.

Nancy pleaded not guilty and maintained her innocence, with the defense claiming that all of the evidence was just circumstantial and Nancy was in looove with Dan and was super sad that he was dead, but the jury wasn’t buying it and turned in the guilty verdict after a 7-week trial. Her sentencing is set for June 13. 

Hopefully, Nancy will be given tons of time in the clink for murdering Dan—a beloved father, teacher, and member of the Oregon culinary community. She’ll have plenty of time to drop her next masterpiece, How to Commit the Sloppiest and Most Obvious Murder Ever.

Pic: Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office