John Mayer Now Claims He’s Only Slept With Six Women

October 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Here’s a sobering thought. I have slept with more people than John Mayer. Now, before you start high-fiving me and calling my pussy a dick gobbling legend, know that John now claims he has slept with exactly six women. After stating on his Instagram Live show Current Mood, that his “number” was under 500, John has revisited the subject, and in his quest to be named “most popular” in the yearbook, has revised his number to six.

According to Entertainment Tonight, John took the temperature of the room over night and decided a lower number would make him look better.

“I made reference to being a sub-500 guy and you guys, I know, listen, it’s a tough world out there and you want people to like you. And I try to do it too,” he began. “But I feel like people might like you more if you would just go along with what the truth is… I also just wanna say that I thought about it over the week and I actually went back over my entire dating history and… my number is six. So I just wanted you to know that. That my number is six.”

Frankly this is shocking but believable. But who knows how or what he’s counting here. ET points out that he’s publicly dated at least six famous women; Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry (sorry, ladies). So did he not penetrate one of them or has he never penetrated a non-famous person? Did he lose his virginity to JLH or did he just nut on her chest? Sadly, we’ll probably hear all about who he only finger banged, who he only did butt stuff with, and who made his dick shrivel up from shyness, because the boy can’t help it.

Or maybe he’s just full of shit and tomorrow he’ll re-calibrate his “please like me” algorithm and determine that 28 is the magic number of people to have slept with for maximum likeability. Personally, I hope the number turns out to be zero and John is forced to admit that he is, spiritually at least, a virgin.

John’s clarification is in here somewhere, probably hidden under his enormous smock .


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