And now in “Things that will make you feel old as hell” news, Britney Spears’ kids are now old enough to do difficult math. And like real difficult, not how-much-will-three-gorditas-and-a-drink-from-Taco Bell-be difficult (which is my current standard for “hard math”). Brit Brit recently confessed to People that Sean Preston and Jayden James have moved past the two plus two stage of their book learnin’, which means she’s having a hard time helping them with their homework. So in order to keep up, she’s taking some math lessons:
“They go to a really hard school, and this week we had three hours of homework [a night]. Some of it is hard for me. Next year when [Preston’s] in fifth grade, he’s going to be doing pre-algebra, and I’m taking classes so I know how to do it!”
Brit Brit gets zero shade from me, because my dumb ass couldn’t even remember which one algebra was. I through algebra was the “If a train is headed west at a speed of 80 miles per hour” one, but it turns out it’s the X over Y equals Z one. Even with two tutors and a set of Math is Easy! VHS tapes, I still failed algebra. It was such a mind fuck: why do I need to solve for X if you already know what X is? Just tell me what X is, you sadistic bastards! My brain still hurts just thinking about it.
Not to mention that you never use that shit in the real world. I’m happy that Brit Brit is trying to be a good parent, but I doubt she’ll ever use the algebra she learned to solve how many Fraps she drank last month. I mean, you don’t need math to know that the answer will always be “lots”.
Since the Cheetolings, SPF and JJ, are the true stars of Brit Brit’s music video for Smurfs 2, they showed up to the movie’s premiere at the Regency Village Theater in Westwood, CA today. The Cheetolings posed with Our Lady of Cheetos and each one of their faces is saying something different. JJ looks like he just saw your new haircut and it looks like shit but he wants you to think he’s into it. Brit Brit looks like looks like she has a severe, level 10 case of wet turtle butt and has to walk up 10 flights of stairs. (Basically, she looks the way she always looks when she’s around humans.) And SPF looks like he just saw KFed in nothing but stained boxers, white socks and Adidas sandals. Or like he’s watching Daddy Spears make grits without Velveeta. Or like he just saw Smurfs 2, etc.. etc…
And Brit Brit’s probably making that face, because she just found out that the Smurfs aren’t going to be at the premiere in person since they’re not made of actual molecules. That’s the “I just learned Santa isn’t real” face.
Here’s more of Brit Brit and the Cheetolings at today’s Smurfs 2 premiere which also brought Katy Perry, Katy Perry’s memaw, Neil Patrick Harris, Neil Patrick Harris’ family and Larry Birkhead with Dannielynn.
In case you missed it, here’s the Cheetolings and Jamie Lynn’s kid Maddie making their acting debut in the music video for Brit Brit’s “Ooh La La,” which is on the soundtrack of the new Smurfs 2 movie. The Cheetolings are naturals and are already bigger pros than Brit Brit, because I bet they memorized their lines and didn’t need anybody to feed them their lines through an earpiece. GO CHEETOLINGS!
Listening to the song (which I’m pretty sure is about orgasms) scraped a layer of skin off of my ear tunnels, but this song is supposed to be for kids and the more annoying the sound is, the more kids love it. If you have kids, I bet you’ve listened to this wreck of a song a million times and that’s why you’ve been eating Vicodin and chardonnay for dinner every night this week.
And I can’t hate. Brit Brit looks good, I don’t see that much deadness in her eyes and she seems happy. I’m guessing she’s happy because she likes being around Smurfs more than she likes being around human beings. But who doesn’t?
Got Dayum! SPF is serving up a whole lot pose right here on a warm bed of fabulous. POSE. SNAP. HEART. CLASH. FACE. FLASH. BEAUTY. FACE. POSE. PINK. CRASH. FACE.
Homeboy is proving that he’s ready to take over the family business right now! By family business I don’t mean professional Frapp drinker or resident pink wig-wearer. I mean lip-synching FOR HIS LIFE while shaking his hips in front of thousands of Cheetoloonies. Move over Brit Brit, there’s a new Cheetoling coming to take your crown. GIT IT!
And I’m not sure why Brit Brit and her boys look like they were cut out using safety scissors and glued on that Candie’s background with Elmer’s, but it’s not about that. It’s about S-P-F. Wurq!
VIA Breathe Heavy