Category: Calvin Harris
Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Get Matchy-Matchy At LAX
Another day, another story about the perfectly organic and natural love between Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. These two are touring harder than an aging rock band who’ve have realized they still have mortgages to pay. The latest stop on their world tour is LA. And of course they showed up in matching outfits.
Hot off the heels of their super-cool heavily-staged 4th of July party, UsWeekly tells us that Tay and Tom touched down at LAX yesterday in really subtle, non-couple looks. Wait, no. The opposite. Tom was in his trademark blue jacket and Tay was in a perfectly matching navy sweater and navy check skirt. Looks like girl is pushing him hard to work that Americana look. Tay, seeing as you went to England to meet his mom, I’m pretty sure you’re aware he isn’t American. You had your chance with a Kennedy and ya blew it. Tom is never gonna be JFK Jr, ok?
Adding more fuel to the TayTom fire is that Calvin Harris is back. And he’s maybe calling out Tay for being a ho through song. How very Taylor Swift of you, Calvin Harris.
Tom Hiddleston Determined To Take Everything Calvin Harris Has, Had Or Will Ever Have
Slow clap for Tumblr lovegod Tom Hiddleston if his next move is dropping a chart-topping EDM single under the name DJ LOKI called “Tay Tay is My Bae Bae (“Calvin Harris Is A Bitch Ass” Remix). The Sun reports (via Page Six) that Loki is currently being considered to replace the currently bereaved Calvin Harris as the body, butt, and bulge of Emporio Armani’s underwear campaign.
Potential 007 Tom is reportedly on a short list of candidates that include Joe Jonas (I’d prefer the gay-baiting brother), Chris Pine (*snore*), and Liam Hemsworth (Frankly, I’m #TeamPeeta).
In DJ Buff Yet Bland’s defense, he did take leave of Armani on his own to work on a fashion line.
Who am I kidding? This isn’t Loki’s doing, it’s Taylor Swift’s! It’s all grist for the songwriting mill, and the more trauma she causes him, the better. She’s somewhere below Oprah on the Celebrity Omnipotence Chart (Pippi Yawnstocking took on Apple and won). She can probably have people killed at this point. Behind that nondescript “who me?” slumber party princess image is a calculating conniver of epic proportions. She’s basically a blonde Sith Lord.
Check out some more life-changing pics of Tom and Swifty strolling the beach in Suffolk below, as well as some billboards of Calvin from his old modeling gig.
Pics: Splash
Calvin Harris Is Done Dating Celebrities
You know, you only have to get stung by a bee once to learn your lesson. But common sense doesn’t seem to apply to celebrities, does it? No. But they are still human, so eventually things sink in and they stop making the same mistakes. For a little while, at least. Today’s example: Calvin Harris. We all know that Calvin has had a really tough go of it lately because of that mean meanie Taylor Swift. She’s been selling us the pumped and dumped thing for years, but really it’s her that’s been doing the dumping! And because of her, Calvin is allegedly done, DONE, with dating celebrities.
TMZ tells us that sources close to Calvin are saying that Taylor trounced his heart so bad that he can’t even imagine wining, dining, and romancing another famous face of the world. And yes, that previous sentence should be read as “he can’t even imagine sticking his buff Geoffrey the Giraffe peen inside another trick who warbles out mediocre songs.” His main comment on the feedback card for celebrity dating is that he thinks celebs are narcissistic (WHAT?! NO!) and all he’s looking for is a normal type. The sources go on to say that Calvin was shocked and appalled that TayTay dumped him so quickly after his accident. They add that it stung his ass bad when she moved on so quickly to Tom of the Hiddlestons.
The sources also say that Calvin found Taylor to be so obsessed with her life and career that she’d throw a fit when his plans didn’t match up with exactly what she wanted. As much as I feel for him, I’m also holding up the “really, bitch?” card. Really, Calvin? You were surprised to find out how obsessed she is with her life and career? The girl who’s goal in life is to have every moment and event staged, posed, choreographed, contracted, secured, written, filmed, photographed, etc, etc, etc? Exhibit 649: Her totally spontaneous, wildly truly romantic trip to Rome.
Fair enough that Calvin doesn’t want to date the famous anymore. Calvin has dated a fair number of celebs. He’s also dated people no one has ever heard of, like Rita Ora. But the main point TMZ’s sources are making is that his “type” has totally changed now. Apparently, he’s looking for a “sexy latina, Sofia Vergara-type“. Ok, Calvin Get it!
Pic: Wenn.com
Woe Really Is Calvin Harris
As Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston meet with their team of publicists and body language experts to look over the storyboards for their next photo-op session, her ex-piece Calvin Harris continues to let out an open-mouth silent cry while clutching the deflated heart-shaped mylar balloon that she had sent to his homeroom on their one week anniversary. Calvin just can’t believe that Taylor has moved on so fast. He also can’t believe that she flew all the way to England to meet Tom’s mom and she never met his parents! This is the part in our saga where former Forever Alone team leader Jennifer Aniston sends Calvin a lonely bitch starter kit including cake batter, The Meg Ryan DVD Series, a boyfriend pillow and directions to the nearest cat adoption center.
Calvin Harris May Have Called Taylor Swift A Media Puppet Master On Instagram
When buff giraffe Calvin Harris and yodeling giraffe Taylor Swift pinky swore to keep the details of their relationship between them, she was obviously crossing her fingers behind her back, because DUH. Trick has hit songs to write. But Calvin may also have been crossing his fingers behind his back, because he may have spilled some shit on Instagram yesterday.
Taylor Swift May Have Dumped Calvin Harris Over The Phone
Uh oh… Do you hear that? It’s the woodland creatures. They’ve stopped crying, but now they sound angry. Almost like it’s building to a battle cry, a blood thirsty one. I didn’t think it would come to this, but I suppose it has. I also didn’t think you could buy the loyalty of woodland creatures, thereby turning yourself into a Disney princess, but hey, Taylor Swift is loaded. And it’s the blood of Calvin Harris they want. Despite the fact that a new report is saying that Taylor is the bad girlfriend in this after all.