Calvin Harris Is Done Dating Celebrities

June 29, 2016 / Posted by:

You know, you only have to get stung by a bee once to learn your lesson. But common sense doesn’t seem to apply to celebrities, does it? No. But they are still human, so eventually things sink in and they stop making the same mistakes. For a little while, at least. Today’s example: Calvin Harris. We all know that Calvin has had a really tough go of it lately because of that mean meanie Taylor Swift. She’s been selling us the pumped and dumped thing for years, but really it’s her that’s been doing the dumping! And because of her, Calvin is allegedly done, DONE, with dating celebrities.

TMZ tells us that sources close to Calvin are saying that Taylor trounced his heart so bad that he can’t even imagine wining, dining, and romancing another famous face of the world. And yes, that previous sentence should be read as “he can’t even imagine sticking his buff Geoffrey the Giraffe peen inside another trick who warbles out mediocre songs.” His main comment on the feedback card for celebrity dating is that he thinks celebs are narcissistic (WHAT?! NO!) and all he’s looking for is a normal type. The sources go on to say that Calvin was shocked and appalled that TayTay dumped him so quickly after his accident. They add that it stung his ass bad when she moved on so quickly to Tom of the Hiddlestons.

The sources also say that Calvin found Taylor to be so obsessed with her life and career that she’d throw a fit when his plans didn’t match up with exactly what she wanted. As much as I feel for him, I’m also holding up the “really, bitch?” card. Really, Calvin? You were surprised to find out how obsessed she is with her life and career? The girl who’s goal in life is to have every moment and event staged, posed, choreographed, contracted, secured, written, filmed, photographed, etc, etc, etc? Exhibit 649: Her totally spontaneous, wildly truly romantic trip to Rome.

Fair enough that Calvin doesn’t want to date the famous anymore. Calvin has dated a fair number of celebs. He’s also dated people no one has ever heard of, like Rita Ora. But the main point TMZ’s sources are making is that his “type” has totally changed now. Apparently, he’s looking for a “sexy latina, Sofia Vergara-type“. Ok, Calvin Get it!


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