The only thing more suspect than Tom Brady’s deflated balls is how he two-stepped over from pregnant ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan and got with Gisele Bundchen. Gisl has already blabbed in the past about how it was kind of messy (Tom and Bridget didn’t know she was pregnant when they split…but still) and even thought about dumping his ass. When Bridget named their kid John Edward Thomas (the same initials as New England Patriots rival the New York Jets), most people thought that was her saying exactly how she felt. Now, Bridget wrote an essay and seems to be kind of peachy with how things ended up. Dammit, what’s with all the happiness in this jaded world?!
Most of us here in Boston assume Bridget Moynihan purposefully cuts out Brazil in the maps inside her kids’ geography textbooks and that Gisele Bundchen barfs anytime she sees Coyote Ugly playing on TBS. It’s well known that when Tom Brady hooked up with Gisele, he found out two months later that Bridget was pregnant with his baby. When Bridget gave birth, she named him John “Jack” Edward Thomas Moynahan, which us petty hos clapped at since “JET” happens to also be the name of the New England Patriots’ biggest rival. We all assumed the Haus of Bundchen and the Haus of Moynahan must loathe each other, but Gisele is out hawking her memoir, and says she’s actually cool with Tom’s ex.
It’s a good thing it isn’t below freezing in Boston today because everyone’s tears from the Patriots loss in the Super Bowl would have turned this place into a Kmart version of the Frozen set. The Philadelphia Eagles got their first Super Bowl win last night at the expense of Tom Brady and the rest of the New England Patriots. While most people were focusing on the commercials, the game, or anything that wasn’t Justin Timberlake, a few of us were keeping tabs on what Tom’s ladies, past and present, had to say about the game. Don’t worry. They had thoughts. Continue reading
The whole Bridget/Tom/Gis thing wasn’t exactly the same levels of ESCANDALO as the whole Mary-Louise Parker and Billy Crudup situation, but it was still a little messy. Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady were together for around 3 years and after they broke up, he didn’t waste any time in moving on to Gisele Bundchen. Not long after GisBra was born, Bridget found out she was knocked up.
Gis talked about that time while pimping out her already sold-out limited-edition $700 coffee table book titled Who In The Hell Is Paying $700 For A Bunch Of Pictures You Can Probably Get On Google Images during an interview with Charlie Rose on CBS This Morning (video below). Gis says that she nearly headed for the exit door after finding out that her brand new piece was going to be a daddy. via People
“It was a challenging thing because here I am, you know, thinking, I’m dating this guy, we met, and we started dating and everything is great and then this happens. So, then I felt like I didn’t know what to do. It was kind of one of those moments of like, ‘Do I just run away?’ “
But if Gis ran away, she would’ve never been one half of the Brangelina of the sports and modeling worlds! Gisele says that Tom is a very “kind man” (translation: “bitch is simple“) and she loves her 8-year-old “bonus” son John Moynahan:
“I think, now, eight years later, I couldn’t have asked for a sweeter bonus child.”
“Bonus child.” How very LeAnn Rimes of her. I know people have serious thoughts about “bonus child.” One time when I was a little kid, my stepmother at the time took me shopping and she called me her “son” in front of a salesperson. Just “son.” That may have been the first time I learned how to side-eye. So I would’ve rather she called me her “bonus son” or even “that brat.” Hell, I would’ve gladly taken, “This whiny baggage I didn’t sign up for!” and “Unwanted gift with purchase.”
But maybe something got lost in translation and Gisele didn’t call John her “bonus child.” Maybe she was talking about Tom.