Anderson Cooper Broke Down While Paying Tribute To The Orlando Victims

So far, the media has done a really good job of finding everything out about the shooter who murdered 49 people at Pulse in Orlando. The media has given us important information like how he was probably also a self-hating close case, but this morning I also read some shit about how when he was 8 years old, he didn’t like to sit and watch TV. That explains everything! Well last night, Anderson Cooper stepped away from talking about the Orlando mass murderer and took 7 minutes out of his broadcast to name the victims and tell their stories.

Journalists usually seem to keep their emotions set to “serious” when covering the news, but while reading all of the names, Anderson had to press pause a few times to keep from crying.

The Daily Beast also has the names of the 49 victims and their stories. It was hard to read, but I felt like I needed to. And if you’re at work and want your co-workers to still believe that you’re a cold-hearted, emotionless robot, read the names in the bathroom by yourself and loudly play a Creed song so nobody will dare come in.

Kelly Ripa Might Quit Live! If She Doesn’t Get To Pick Her New Co-Host

Shortly after Michael Strahan announced that he was taking the Michael out of Live! with Kelly and Michael and taking it over to Good Morning America, there were whispers that ABC had already drafted up a short list of replacements for him. Two names that were being thrown around were Anderson Cooper and Neil Patrick Harris, because I guess ABC was really feeling the idea of replacing Michael with a blue-eyed gay dreamboat.

But it sounds like ABC might want to think about throwing some lady names on that list too, because there could be a chance they’ll be replacing Kelly Ripa as well. A source tells UsWeekly that Kelly really wants Michael to be replaced by either Anderson Cooper (whose book she was not-so-subtly seen carrying around yesterday) or Andy Cohen. The source claims that if ABC doesn’t hire one Kelly’s choices to sit beside her, she’s thinking about leaving. And not in the “Bye bitches, see you in a couple days” way either. According to said source, Kelly is still a little pissed about the way things were handled with Michael that she’s ready to put in her permanent walking papers unless she gets her way. But wait, Kelly told us yesterday that everything is fine! I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

Kelly isn’t exactly reaching for a box to pack up her things just yet. ABC is still deciding who they want. They’re also apparently adding more names to the list. According to UsWeekly, they’re also considering Jerry O’Connell. But it doesn’t look good for Kelly. Anderson is currently busy covering the election, and Andy is under contract with Bravo for Watch What Happens Live. I guess if Kelly does end up quitting, that would give Disney a good excuse to pull the plug on Live! and give GMA that third hour they’ve been rumored to be looking at. Hmmm…how convenient for you, Disney.

I understand wanting to work with your friends, but this is all a tad dramatic. Would it honestly be so unbearable to make morning show small talk with Neil Patrick Harris while your bank account gets stuffed with millions of dollars? Hell, if the price was right, I’m sure NPH would throw a little silver in his hair if that’s what will do it for Kelly.

Pic: Splash

Things You Didn’t Need To Know: Don Lemon Is A Fan Of Kathy Griffin’s Tits

If you watched any of CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage, you would have learned two things: one, that CNN’s New Years Eve coverage is still a glorious mess, and two, that if Don Lemon is drunk enough, he’ll tell you what he thinks of Kathy Griffin’s over-inflated Pogo Bal boobies.

It all happened shortly after Kathy’s semi-annual tradition of whipping off her top and strutting around Times Square with Anderson Cooper. Normally this would be the sort of thing your brain would be kind enough to erase from your memory and promise to never speak of it again. But either Don Lemon was lit as fuck or he has a mouth like a a budget birthday party loot bag (ie: it’s filled with the kind of random shit that makes you go “Sure, I guess” when you dump it out), because he responded by telling her she had a “nice rack.” All the awkwardness happens at the 1:00 mark.

To put this into perspective for a younger generation who aren’t familiar with any of the above, if Kathy Griffin’s tits were a famous person’s Instagram, Don Lemon would be the first person commenting “QUEEN I love you, please come to Brazil.”

I think the most awkward part of that video isn’t that Don Lemon used the words “nice rack” like someone’s middle-aged uncle talking about Kate Upton, but that he turns into an obnoxious beer-chugging bead-wearing frat bro when he gets drunk. I honestly kept waiting for the camera to pan down and reveal that he was wearing a pair of salmon shorts and beat-up boat shoes, or catch him lifting a bottle of Jäger from behind the bar and begging Brooke Baldwin to let him do a shot off her stomach.

Madge Dry Humped The Silver Fox’s Ass During Her Show

Now that we’ve gotten all the Emmy stuff out of the way, we can get into the REAL IMPORTANT news like this 2-day old clip from Madonna’s Illuminati Circus tour of her spanking and pussy popping on Anderson Cooper’s body. Yes, I’m sure there’s someone in the world who will find a way to fap to that.

The Silver Fox doesn’t do it for me as much as he used to, because I am a cheap, fickle, disloyal whore who has moved his affections to alleged anchor monster and smug dreamboat David Muir. But this clip of him sober bro dancing still took me higher. I thought that the gayest moment of the weekend was me dancing in my chonies to a Carly Rae Jepsen song while eating a Strawberry Shortcake bar. (I know, that’s more like the “saddest moment” of the weekend.) But the gayest moment of this weekend, month and possibly year happened during Madge’s show at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn on Saturday night.

There’s a part in Madge’s show where she brings up an “unapologetic bitch” from the audience and dances around with them. Madge brought up The Silver Fox and after he awkwardly danced like a shy nerd at the prom, they did a little dosey doe before she bet him over and spanked him and dry butt fucked him while dressed up like Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot. Anderson got a banana out of it and Madge told him that the banana will “fill him up” and she’s sure he’ll find something to do with it. Did I need the image of Anderson Cooper making a banana split on his silver fox nalgas? Probably not, but now it’s there thanks to Madge.

And that is definitely what Madge’s sacrificial ritual ceremonies look like.

Pics: Splash (And thanks to everyone who sent this in)

Don’t Ever Ask The Silver Fox To Take A Selfie At The Scene Of A Tragedy

Anderson Cooper was in Ottawa last night to report on the horrific shootings at the National War Memorial and Parliament. He was not there to have a kiki and take selfies. Vandon Gene (which is now the scientific name for the douche gene), an aspiring journalist type for the Sun News Network, didn’t get that memo, I guess.

Mediaite says that Vandon saw The Silver Fox and thought it would be a really good idea to pull some Selfies At Serious Places foolery by asking him to take a picture together near the spot where a soldier was killed. Anderson firmly and sternly told him that he was being highly inappropriate and it’s not the time or place for stupid shit like selfies. When Anderson Cooper spanks you verbally in the ears, you shut your mouth and make a vow to never wash out your ear holes again because they’ve been slapped by the voice of The Silver Fox. Vandon didn’t shut his mouth. Instead he uploaded the video of The Silver Fox telling him off and then tweet whined about it.

Vandon tweeted (and later deleted) a tantrum stream of whiny tweets where he said that Anderson is an ass for “exploiting” the Ottawa tragedy and can’t believe The Silver Fox would criticize someone for asking for a photo. The Silver Fox sharpened his nails and scratched back on Twitter:

Vandon tweeted out an apology, but it was too late. The damage was already done. Or was it, because he obviously got all the attention he wanted.

Not even I would be that tacky, gross and trashy. I’d wait until he was done, follow him to his SUV and before he got in, I’d politely ask him for a picture. After he firmly shook his head no, told me to stop being trash and let me know that the restraining order is still in place, I’d softly say, “You’re right. I’m sorry. But can you please yell at me one more time?” That’s how you’re supposed to handle it. Have some decorum, VG.

Andy Cohen Is A Top, So Says The Silver Fox

I need to turn in my Silver Fox Club membership card, because it’s embarrassing and shameful that my eyes (and other parts) weren’t glued to the TV screen when he talked about gay sex for one split second on Watch What Happens Live earlier this week. This is the biggest crime I’ve ever committed. I can forgive myself for playing Kum Kuntrashian’s iPhone game for 10 minutes (no, I can’t), but I cannot forgive myself for this.

So on Watch What Happens Live on Tuesday night, the Silver Fox, Andy Cohen and their hag Kelly Ripa spilled “secrets” about themselves during a game to see which one of them could make the other uncomfortable first. Kelly started first by asking America’s most serious journalist Andy Coo if his dick wears a turtleneck and if he wants to see her vagina. The Silver Fox didn’t answer Kelly’s question about whether or not his dick is circumcised, but in my professional opinion (and using the information I learned from all the times I put a magnifying glass to his crotch on pictures), the evidence is inconclusive and I’ll have to see it or feel it up close to give my final verdict.

When it came time for the Silver Fox to spill a secret about Andy Cohen, he spilled a secret that isn’t a secret to anyone who has seen Andy on Wendy Williams or listened to him on Howard Stern. The Silver Fox said that contrary to that picture above, Andy Cohen is not a loud, squealing, messy bossy bottom who can cut a beer can in two with his b-hole. Andy Cohen is all top. This revelation courtesy of Queerty:

Anderson: “I know a lot of secrets about Andy. I guess the one that would most surprise people is he’s a top.”

Andy: “Why, you think people think I’m a bottom?”

Kelly: “I don’t.”

Anderson: “Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m just saying I think that would surprise people. And I don’t know this from personal experience, but from conversations I have had…I mean, it surprised me when I heard about it. Yeah, so that’s the secret.”

Kelly: “Why is that a secret? I don’t think that’s a secret. For people who don’t know, at home, do you want to explain what that is? I am a talk show host. I have to get to the answers.”

Andy: “No, I don’t want to.”

Kelly: “Are you sure?”

I’m glad that Anderson answered my next question by saying, “I don’t know this from personal experience,” because I really did not need the image of Andy Cohen topping Anderson Cooper while Anderson licks on Kelly Ripa’s fully erect belly peen. The Silver Fox didn’t answer the “top, bottom or both” question himself, but I guess him saying “Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that” clears that up. And yes, yes, I still would. I’d still bump butts with the Silver Fox.