Kelly Ripa Makes Her Triumphant Return To Live! And Gave A Sermon About Respect In The Workplace (UPDATE)
Everyone can pull off their veils, get up from their knees and snuff out their prayin’ candles, because the sun is shining again now that Kelly Ripa has bravely returned to the job that pays her $15 million+ a year. God is great!
Kelly Ripa went back to work at Live! with Kelly and Michael this morning after she took a little time off to deal with Disney and her co-host of 4 years Michael Strahan doing her dirty. Kelly felt disrespected when ABC and Michael didn’t tell her beforehand that he’s leaving the show she’s been on FOREVER to do Good Morning America full-time. There were also rumors that ABC doesn’t really care about Live!, even though it’s the second highest-rated syndicated morning show, and want to push it aside to make way for an extra hour of GMA. Kelly got into those rumors as well as the rumors that she and Michael hate each other’s faces so, so much.
Kelly came out and joked that snipers were hidden in the studio waiting to strike if she went “too far off message.” I was hoping she would go off script by screaming “Fuck all of you traitors, and Gelman, I just want you to know that Michael did your wife and took your kids to Disney World and your kids love him-” before Donald Duck shot a tranquilizer-laced arrow into her arm. But it seemed like Kelly stayed on message. She said that everything is fine, they’re a family, she has been told that Live! is a priority and apologies have been made. I guess that apology in the form of a bonus check had enough zeroes on it for Kelly to be like, “Okay, we’re good!”
This morning, Allison and I were kiki-ing about this for a bit and she joked that Kelly is the Eva Peron of American morning television. That’s the truth, because when Kelly opened her arms out, I expected her to sing, “Don’t cry for me, stay-at-home mooooooms!” Kelly went deep and said that this mess between a bunch of employed millionaires has led to something amazing. It opened up a conversation about respect in the workplace. I’m disappointed that Kelly didn’t give her speech while wearing the same “Respeito” t-shirt that Ya Ya wore on America’s Next Top Model. Kelly then sat down next to Michael and you could cut the awkwardness with the knife that Disney stabbed her in the back with!
Yeah, they can’t stand each other. Their body language says, “We screamed our tonsils off while fighting in the car on the way to our wedding anniversary party and now we have to pretend like we love each other.”
Kelly also said in her monologue that her dad, who was a bus driver for 30 years, thinks they’re all crazy. I love Kelly Ripa’s dad. Kelly Ripa’s dad 4 Live!’s new co-host!
UPDATE: Michael is apparently leaving early. He was supposed to leave in September, but he’s leaving in May now. Bring in Daddy Ripa!
And here’s Martin Luther Kelly Jr. and her hot husband outside of their townhouse before she gave her “I have a dream” speech.