What Vadge Wants……

Remember how Vadge was denied adopting little Mercy, because they said she needed to have lived in Malawi for at least 18-months? Well, that was all just a silly mistake, because suddenly three appeal judges have allowed the adoption to go through! The African baby snatcher WINS! Your child is NEXT!!!!

The Sun says that two judges have already turned in reports stating that the adoption should go ahead and the third judge is right there with them. They will announce their decision this Sunday in court. Vadge’s lawyer already gave her the news.

The judges apparently agreed that the 18-month rule is “out of date.” I wonder when it suddenly became out of date? Before or after the rhinestone-covered Bentley, solid gold toilet and suitcase of money arrived at their doorsteps?

Well, this is good news for Baby Jesus. Rocco and David always give him shade in the playroom, because he’s the new bitch. At least he has someone to play with now.

This Is Going To Be A Fantastic Disaster

Cher just might tear herself away from her custom-made oxygen crypt long enough to shoot scenes in Xtina’s debut movie Burlesque (I want to see jazz hands in the air when you read that title).

It was already announced that Xtina would star in the movie musical as a small-town girl who dreams of being a singer but finds herself thrusting her crotch at a burlesque club. The working title should be, Showgirls: The Whores Are Alive With The Sound Of Music!

Entertainment Weekly says that Cher is in final talks play the owner of the club. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!! !!!! Seriously, the camp level of this movie will hit the heavens if Cher is in it. I mean, Cher and Xtina wearing sparkly nipple tassles while singing and shaking their chichis?! All this ridiculousness needs is a random scene where Joan Collins storms into the club and slaps Cher for no reason. That would make this soon-to-be cinematic wreck the glittery cherry on top of my life sundae. Is it really too early to order my tickets on Fandango?

And if you live in the Los Angeles area, you better stock up on all your cosmetics right now. This movie is going to empty out every single make-up counter in the city.

Sherlock Nipples

Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Homey: The Search For Jude Law’s Hairline starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law isn’t hitting theaters until Christmastimes, but there’s already a trailer out. Guy Ritchie sold out to the man and the result doesn’t look that awful. I mean, this isn’t the Sherlock Homey isn’t at all likes the books. This has a lot of fighting, hard nipples, lost hairlines, explosions, cliche slow-mo shit and silly British accents! Seriously, his accent is kind of funny. I bet Vadge’s roidy-pussay sounds like that when it’s had too much champagne. That was Guy’s inspiration.

Hopefully, Sherlock Homey won’t be the latest in a string of shit shows for Guy Ritchie. Although, Swept Away is still one of my favorite movies to bong too. Try it. Vadge’s acting skills paired with some of the sweet green makes for a hilarious fucking experience.

Stop The Snorting And Put Down The Rolled Bill!

HoHan got a job! And the job doesn’t involve getting dick slapped on the face on camera! At least, I don’t think so. Who knows, that may make the director’s cut. Anyway, HoHan has been cast in a real movie that isn’t of the porn variety! HoHan giving blow jobs to random dudes who claim they are big-time Hollywood producers has finally paid off. She will star in “The Other Side” with Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette.

Variety says the “indie fantasy comedy” is about “a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before.” Does it also involve a polar bear, a cloud of evil smoke, time traveling, moving islands and a baby blue Volkswagen van? This is some Dharma shit right here. “Shit” being the key word. I tell jokes. This sounds almost better than Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. ALMOST.

Shooting will begin this summer on an island off the coast of Massachusetts. My guess is that it will premiere on a random Saturday at midnight on the Sci-Fi Channel. Check your local listings to make sure!

It’s a good thing for HoHan that Woody Harrelson is in this cast, because he always bring the good shit. Bitches be stoned the whole time.

Here’s the future Oscah winner at LAX yesterday with Granny Ali. You know, those leggings are doing nothing for HoHan’s crotch area. Her pussy looks like it’s hyperventilating.

Mimis Wants That Oscar!

No, this isn’t the hag at the DMV who smacked her lips at you when you didn’t bring in your social security card AND birth certificate. It’s Mimi! Mimi! You know, Mariah Carey. YES! I know you didn’t recognize the Rainbow Butterfly Princess without her glitter domes out, but it really is her. Mimi washed away all the Hello Kitty-ness to play a period-faced guidance counselor in Precious. Mimi has come along way since her Glitter days…..

The movie also stars my favorite comic of all-time & forever Mo’Nique, Lenny Kravitz, Sherri Shepherd (ugh) and newcomer Gabby Sidibe. The trailer is below. Really, that’s Mimi. If you don’t believe me, release a butterfly in the room and it will immediately flutter to her when she pops up on the screen.

Debbie Gibson AND Lorenzo Lamas In A Movie Together? HEAVEN!

Debbie Gibson finally found the crown jewel in her illustrious career! Debbie is the star of the direct-to-DVD masterpiece Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!

This cinematic wonder is brought to you by the director of The Mary Kay Letourneau Story, Wild Things 2 and La Cucaracha, so you know it’s in fine hands. AND Lorenzo “I’ve Licked Shauna Sand’s Elegant Lucite Pearl” Lamas is also in it! Slap your taint, because this isn’t a dream. It’s real life!

And you know the shark has this. I mean, he eats the Golden Gate bridge and shit. I already can’t wait for the sequel: Mega Shark vs. Vadge’s Roidy-Cooze.

VIA SAYOR