Emilia Clarke, aka dragon enthusiast Daenerys Targaryen on Game of Thrones, has been famous-ish for a while now and she recently admitted in an interview with Marie Claire UK that one of the things she’s learned about being famous-ish is that she won’t ever type the name EMILIA CLARKE into the Google search bar ever again. If you just guessed “Was it because of rude assholes?“, congratulations – you guessed right! Although you don’t win a prize, because that could be the answer to at least 2,396 of life’s questions.

“I remember when everything first kicked off, I Googled myself. You just do, it’s instinct. But never again. It just takes that one person who says ‘She’s a fat bitch’, and you’re like ‘I’m a fat bitch.'”

Emilia looks like she weighs about the same as an average family pack of Pop-Tarts, so I hope she hasn’t taken that random search result too seriously (I just pictured Emilia Clarke changing her Twitter bio to “Fat Bitch”). Besides, it was probably just the bitchy hisses from a disgruntled former dragon actor from GoT who is still bitter that they got fired for showing up drunk on dragon drank and acting a mess on set.

Emilia also talked about how she turned down the role of Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Bland Spanking, and no, it’s not because she knew that there would be a mountain of word shit waiting for her the next time she Googled her name.

“I really wanted to work with Sam Taylor-Johnson because she’s fucking amazing. But there is a huge amount of nudity in the film. I’ll never say, ‘I’m never doing nudity’ because I’ve already done it, but I thought I might get stuck in a pigeonhole that I would have struggled to get out of.”

“Ooh, that’s good. Can I use that one?” thought Dakota Johnson, as she prepared her list of excuses for why she can’t do the third Fifty Shades movie.

Courtenay Semel’s impact lives on!

In 2008, Courtenay Semel, the daughter of some Yahoo! exec and Tila Tequila’s one-time scissor sister, mouth queefed up the phrase of the year when she shouted, “Google me, you dumb fuck,” at a bouncer she got into a fight with at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. Well, it’s been 7 years later and entitled spoiled assholes are still using her beautiful words of poetry.

Page Six says that 19-year-old Kyra Kennedy, the daughter of Robert Kennedy Jr., went full bitch outside of club Lava at the Turning Stone Resort Casino in Verona, New York on Thursday night when the bouncer refused to let her ass in. Some witness says that Kyra was already ten layers of drunk when she showed up. The club is 21 and over, so Kyra came prepared. She brought her sister Kathleen “Kick” Kennedy’s passport with her and tried to pass it off as her own. The bouncer wasn’t buying it and that’s when the laughs and fuckery ensued.

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The Fappening is still happening. Nearly every weekend, a new batch of freshly-baked stolen nipple pics are pulled from the oven of the internet and posted online for weirdos and not-rights to rub their dicks to until the next batch appears a week later. So far, those crafty cloud hackers show no sign of stopping, and Apple has pretty much pulled a Shaggy “It wasn’t me” by denying that the cloud is about as secure as an actual cloud. So who is left to blame? According to Lawyer-To-The-STAHS Marty Singer, that would be Google.

Page Six says that Marty, who represents over a dozen of the women in the hacked photos, claims Google is making millions off advertising revenue off the nude pics and they need to PAY UP. So Marty wrote a stern letter and sent it to Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, as well as executive chairman of Google Eric Schmidt, accusing them of “making millions and profiting from the victimization of women” and warning them that if they don’t delete every last nipple pic off the internet, he’s prepared to sue them for $100 million. He also compares Google to the NFL:

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Dylan Farrow and The New York Times are both so damn inconsiderate! On February 1st, The New York Times posted Dylan Farrow’s  op-ed piece about how Woody Allen molested her as a girl and before they hit the publish button, they didn’t ever think to themselves, “But what is this going to do ScarJo’s Google Alerts?” Why won’t anyone think of ScarJo’s Google Alerts?!

In Dylan’s piece, she called out the likes of ScarJo for working with a child-touching dehydrated turtle monster. So ScarJo was asked about being name checked by Dylan during an interview with The Guardian’s Carole Cadwalladr for her movie Under the Skin. ScarJo, who is a disciple of the Ignorance Is Bliss way of life, used a lot of words to say “no comment” and it’s obvious she’s still pissed about the fact that on February 1st her night was ruined when she got Google Alert after Google Alert.

“I think it’s irresponsible to take a bunch of actors that will have a Google alert on and to suddenly throw their name into a situation that none of us could possibly knowingly comment on. That just feels irresponsible to me.”

Carole asked her about the backlash against Woody Allen and she mouth queefed this out:

“I’m unaware that there’s been a backlash. I think he’ll continue to know what he knows about the situation, and I’m sure the other people involved have their own experience with it. It’s not like this is somebody that’s been prosecuted and found guilty of something, and you can then go, ‘I don’t support this lifestyle or whatever.’ I mean, it’s all guesswork. I don’t know anything about it. It would be ridiculous for me to make any kind of assumption one way or the other. “

Oh yes, child touching is a lifestyle. Woody Allen is practically the Goopy Paltrow of child molestation and I’m sure ScarJo will be his first subscriber when he joins child touching forces with Roman Polanski, PedoBear and R. Kelly to launch a pedophile lifestyle newsletter called PEDDY.

Since ScarJo was on a roll, Carole asked her if she regrets quitting her role as an Oxfam ambassador for a giant check from SodaStream. ScarJo and Oxfam broke up with each other after she signed on to be SodaStream’s newest ho. SodaStream has a factory on the West Bank and Oxfam doesn’t like that. ScarJo doesn’t regret shit:

“No, I stand behind that decision. I was aware of that particular factory before I signed it.Yes, and… it still doesn’t seem like a problem. Until someone has a solution to the closing of that factory to leaving all those people destitute, that doesn’t seem like the solution to the problem.”

Carole told ScarJo that a lot of people felt like she was choosing a pile of money over charity, to which she said:

“Sure I think that’s the way you can look at it. But I also think for a non-governmental organisation to be supporting something that’s supporting a political cause… there’s something that feels not right about that to me. There’s plenty of evidence that Oxfam does support and has funded a BDS [boycott, divest, sanctions] movement in the past. It’s something that can’t really be denied.”

FYI: Oxfam says that it’s something that can really be denied, because they deny it.

During this interview about child touchers and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, ScarJo’s publicist sat on the side and kept trying to steer the conversation into safer topics while shitting themselves. After that interview, ScarJo’s publicist probably took her ass aside and told her that the next time an interviewer asks her serious questions about serious issues, she should just shake her pregnant titties until the interviewer gets hypnotized by her spectacular chichis and loses their train of thought. I mean, she uses that technique whenever she needs people to forget what a shitty actress she is and it works every time!

A world-renowned philosopher named Courtenay “Nay Nay” Semel once told a Las Vegas casino security guard who didn’t know her: “Google me, you dumb fuck!” Those thought-provoking and important words have lived on thanks to Amanda Bynes.

TMZ says that Amanda tried to get on a private jet headed for L.A. at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey, but the pilot refused to let her on the plane, because she didn’t have a valid government issued ID with her. Amanda screamed about how her license was suspended and she didn’t have any other kind of ID. The pilot kept shaking his head “no,” so Amanda finally told him that if he Googled her, he’d find out that she’s Amanda Fucking Bynes! Strangely enough, the TSA does not accept a Google image page with your face all over it as proper ID. When the pilot asked an official from the private jet company if he can let her on even without a valid ID, he got a no and Amanda was officially denied.

Amanda told TMZ that their story is as fraudulent as those pictures of her drug den and I’m sure she also threatened to sue TMZ, the pilot, the private jet company, Google, the machine that makes government issued IDs and James Cameron, because he totally used his special effects skills to create the Amanda Bynes hologram that terrorized Teterboro.

Amanda should be happy that the pilot denied her ass. There’s so many Amanda Bynes doppelgängers out there and it’s hard to tell which one is the real Amanda Bynes. If that was really Amanda Bynes trying to get on that jet, she should’ve just said to the pilot, “You’re an ugly-faced man.” That’s the only confirmation he would’ve needed to welcome the real Amanda Bynes to his flight.

Tila Tequila’s partner in pussay, Courtenay Semel, got into a little altercation in August with a security guard at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas which led to her beating his ass. The beaten down security guard, Jaroslaw Jarczok, filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles yesterday asking for unspecified damages.

In the papers, Coleslaw (that’s my nickname for him) says a drunken Nay Nay got all mouthy with him at around 4 in the morning. She got so out of hand that he had to cuff her ass. Nay Nay didn’t feel like getting kinky, so she allegedly punched him in the face.

Now, most bitches would probably follow that up by screaming “Take that, motherfucker!” or “That’s right bitch!” Nay Nay decided to go a different route. She shouted at the dude, “Do you even know who I am, fucking idiot?…Google me, you dumb fuck.” She gets a 9 from me! She would’ve gotten a perfect 10 if she called him a “dumb cunt” instead.