Michael Strahan will probably be Kelly Ripa’s permanent co-host on Live! and you can tell this is a good match, because he can fit her entire toothpick body in that gap of his – Just Jared

Add this to your James McAvoy Lifting Things Tumblr – Lainey Gossip

Well, I’ve always said that the best way to get your political point across is to sing it while your nipples are out, so this works for me – Towleroad

Blake Lively will not get her tits out in a movie, thankyouverymuch, so the only way you’ll ever see her tits is if you Google “Blake Lively’s tits” – Celebitchy

Carmen Electra wears a sad face and a weave bra for Lovecat Magazine – Hollywood Tuna 

January Jones’ new dude looks like a pre-plastic surgery Carrot Top and WHAT ARE THOSE JEANS?! – The Superficial 

Draco Malfoy’s Tennessee twin wants you to see her bra – Drunken Stepfather

What GOOPY Paltrow is trying to say is that the deeper the stick goes up your ass, the more radiant your skin looks! – ICYDK

Oh look, Kristen Stewart looks as miserable post-scandal as she did pre-scandal – Popsugar

In case you’re wondering, Lea Michele is still as annoying as a mosquito bite on your b-hole – The Berry 

Everyone involved in this needs to have a seat over there. The worst part is that I won’t ever be able to enjoy a delicious oversized lollipop without thinking about a Brawny man-looking creeper in a sleeveless tuxedo shirt making childtouching eyes at me – Videogum

Panty Creamer of the Century: Billy Ocean – Crunk + Disorderly

Mitt Romney loves Mom Jeans – Cityrag

Ricki Lake’s jacked up outfit would make sense to you if I told you that she’s on her way to the Mystery Machine van – I’m Not Obsessed

Kelly Brook conjured up new layers of elegance and sophistication with her butt crack gown – Moe Jackson 

Cher is going for husband #3 – Hollywood Rag

R.I.P. The Office – SOW

The world almost lost Rosie O’Donnell last week and it was all because (not really) she helped a fellow fat lady out of her car last week in a parking lot in Nyack, NY. In one of her signature jacked up haiku-ish type blog posts, Rosie O wrote today that she had a heart attack last week and all of her heart attack woes started when a fat lady in a parking lot asked her to a help a bitch out. The lady couldn’t get out of her car and so Rosie grabbed onto her and pulled her out. Rosie’s good deed ended with a stent in her heart.

Rosie says that once she got home after helping a ho out, she started to feel the same way Melania Trump feels when Donald asks her to give his taint a tongue bath. Rosie felt vommy and clammy and eventually threw up. Rosie tried to diagnose herself with the help of the Internet and when she Googled “women’s heart attack symptoms,” the first thing that came up was an article titled: “Did you just stare at gloriously beautiful bikini pictures of the Spanish dandelion that is the Duchess of Alba, because that will make you weak in the heart!“

After Rosie O couldn’t really find anything on the Internet, she downed a Bayer and ignored the pain. When Rosie went to her cardiologist the next day, she found out that she had a heart attack.

i did not call 911
50% of women having heart attacks never call 911
200,000 women die of heart attacks
every year in the US

by some miracle i was not one of them
the next day i went to a cardiologist
the dr did an EKG and sent me to the hospital
where a stent was put in

my LAD was 99% blocked
they call this type of heart attack
the Widow maker
i am lucky to be here

know the symptoms ladies
listen to the voice inside
the one we all so easily ignore
CALL 911

save urself

Rosie’s rep tells People that she is really lucky and is now resting at home.

That gross feeling that feels like slime crawling all over your skin is Donald Trump running his bloated fingers through the pile of deep fried Sasquatch pubes on his head while smugly smiling over this. I bet that fat ho in need WAS Donald Trump in disguise.

And you know, Rosie’s story makes me feel so much better about ignoring strangers who ask for my help. Nothing good can come from helping strangers.

This IS the look: A sweaty Colin Farrell in a sensible blazer and some sweat shorts. The perfect ensemble for when you want to conduct a serious business meeting on the treadmill. – Celebitchy

It was very nice of Tommy Girl to let Suri borrow his bike – Lainey Gossip

Tony Scott’s (maybe) reason for jumping off that bridge: brain cancer – The Superficial 

Don’t you just hate it when a bought-and-paid peen peddlers kisses and tells for a check? – Towleroad

It’s like a beautiful silver flower with camel toe is naturally growing between the cracks in the cobblestones – Drunken Stepfather

31 flavors of awwwwww – The Berry 

Are these more pictures from NASA’s Curiosity Mars rover? – Hollywood Tuna 

Lea Michele should never do that again – Popoholic

No, The Silver Fox did not throw that slut skank Ben MESSani overboard – OMG Blog

GOOPY Paltrow’s dress is so short that I can almost see her Apple maker – Popsugar

ScarJo and her piece are like the Big Lots version of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux – Just Jared

Obama and George Clooney are making each other friendship bracelets and shit – Videogum

When I Google “Joe Jonas cream pie facial,” this is not what I have in mind – SOW

In possibly related news, Kim Kardashian has announced that she will perform at the V Festival and full bladders are welcome! – Hollywood Rag

Superman is available to your loins now – ICYDK

Gross. – I’m Not Obsessed

It was nice of Brit Brit’s people to Photoshop the Cheeto stains away – Cityrag

While Lady Gaga strolled through the lobby of her hotel in Romania, somebody came at her ass and surprisingly it wasn’t a ragey PETAhead trying to turn her into CaCa cakes by dropping Gold Medal flour on her head. It was one of her Little Monsters who probably quit his job and used the last leu (Note: Yes, that was me who just Googled “How do you say ‘dollar’ in Romanian talk?”) in his bank account to travel to her hotel and sleep in front all night to meet her dumb ass. How does he get greeted? Bitch was forced to make out with the glass before getting body slammed to the floor. Damn, and all for CaCa’s ass. Not worth it.

It’s just CaCa’s, it’s not the damn Queen. Those bodyguard acted like CaCa was Anderson Cooper and that crazy fan was me. You know who should’ve been tackled to the floor and dragged back to her room? CaCa, because she needs to change that outfit. Who does she think she is? This ain’t Big Business and you ain’t Bette Midler, bitch.

via TMZ

There’s only two rules I usually follow when picking HSOTD and one is that if it’s not an inanimate object, they have to currently be alive enough to accept a HSOTD plaque if I held a ceremony in their honor in the conference room of a Super 8 somewhere. The other rule is that if they are a living and breathing human creature, they have to be old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes, so they can slip a cig out of the box, light it and burn me in the neck with it if they don’t like the shit I write about them. (Yeah, that’s not a weird STD rash on my neck. It’s cig burns.) That being said, today’s HSOTD is currently of legal HS age, but he wasn’t in the video he’s getting HS accolades for. So I’m only sort of breaking the rules.

While most of us young gays were privately Voguing in our bedrooms in 1992, this future Glittery Gay of YouTube took it to the dance floor at his Bar Mitzvah. He killed two birds with one swish by making this a “coming into manhood dance” AND his coming out dance. He splashed kosher glitter in everyone’s eyes with his moves and made me Google “What’s Yiddish for GLAMOUR?!” when he turned around and showed us the airbrushed masterpiece on his back. Face framing your way into manhood is the only way to enter into manhood.

And this teenager grew up to become Marcus Bachmann.

No, this is Shaun Sperling and he’s a lawyer in Chicago now. If he did this number as his closing statement in court, he’d win every case.

via Mashable (Thanks to everybody who sent this in)

Snoop Dogg thinks he’s the reincarnation of Bob Marley, has quit hip hop and is recording a reggae album as Snoop Lion. In other words, Snoop got beyond blazed while watching The Lion King with The Wailers blasting in the background – The Hollywood Reporter

Somebody tell Taylor Swift to Google “Kennedy curse” – Lainey Gossip

Brad Pitt needs to paste that bushy stache over his eyes if he wants to nail his JR Ewing impersonation – Popsugar

For the 50 millionth year in a row, Vanity Fair has done a wrong by not naming Shauna Sand as their best dressed of the year – Celebitchy

Please tell me that a second after this picture was taken, Miley Cyrus’ dog lifted his leg on her skirt – Drunken Stepfather

Today’s lesson from Christina Milian: When the paparazzi won’t return your calls, just tweet your own swimsuit pictures – Hollywood Tuna 

This is best viewed with the mute button on – Towleroad

“At least I’m not doing men in the bathroom all night long, slut pig!” – Kim Richards – The Superficial 

That motorcycle is staring at Olivia Munn’s ass – Popoholic

Jared Padalecki with child – ICYDK

BREAKING: Tommy Girl makes Suri Cruise walk on her own. “Happiest place on Earth” my ass – Just Jared

SamRo feels Katy Perry’s pain – IDLYITW

Cuba Gooding Jr. is wanted, which is not something you hear often – Celebslam

Julianne Hough + Josh Duhamel + Nicholas Sparks = unflavored cheese – The Berry 

Hermione Granger is not going to get tied up and slapped around – Videogum

Falcor Rimes’ endodontist did us all wrong by not sewing her much shut when they had the chance – Hollywood Rag

1975: Where nightmares go for inspiration – Cityrag

Why the children of Austria were running from the town center while screaming about how The Grinch has arrived really early to steal Christmas – I’m Not Obsessed