Fall/Winter 2015 Will Be All About Soft Peens In Tunic Dresses

You have really have to give it to designer Rick Owens. Bitch is topical! With the media going on and on about that deflated ball scandal, he knew it was the perfect time to send nutsacks down the runway in his Fall/Winter 2015 show.

The dicks and huevos of many male models played a game of peek-a-boo (more like “peen-a-boo”) today in Paris when they sashayed down the runway wearing man dresses and clothes with a built-in peen window. Every creepy old neighborhood man who regularly walks around his front yard in a shorty robe just said to himself, “Pfft, been working that look for years!” The Scientologists said the same thing, because I’m sure this is exactly what their ceremonial gowns look like.

I’m not one to look a gift dick in the mouth (actually, I am, but you know what I mean) and I’ve always said the more peens the better, but I have two complaints about this. 1. Rick Owens should’ve cast David Gandy in this show. 2. I get that Rick Owens’ entire aesthetic is post-apocalyptic sad Goth, but those peens needed just a touch of glamour. They look scared and shy, like they’re singing “Asleep” by The Smiths to themselves. Rick Owens should’ve beaded the edge of their turtlenecks or threw some glitter on them. Tjuz that dick up a bit.

The Cisco Adler-approved pics are NSFW (duh) so they’re after the cut. Kanye West is probably ordering every look from this collection. I don’t know why, though, because he is a giant dick so every outfit he wears is a dick-flashing outfit.

Pics: Getty