UsWeekly has a hilarious story about Britney Spears visiting an elementary school. I find it hard to believe only because the paparazzi live in her vagina and would be all over this. A source told Us that Brit Brit showed up dressed like a slut to pick up some kids at a Beverly Hills school.

On January 7th, she was smoking for 10-minutes at 3pm waiting for school to let out. A source said she was talking to herself.

A witness said, “She was just rambling and confused. She said, ‘I’m here to pick up my kids.’ But then she changed her story and said, ‘They aren’t my kids; I have a new attorney, and I came to pick them up for her.’” When school finally let out, Britney started causing a commotion making some of the kids freak out.

Before driving off Britney told the witness, “She said, ‘You’re so nice. You should give me your number. I don’t have very many friends.’”

Schools everywhere should send out a memo warning kids to stay away from any chain-smoking, British speaking, stained up, crazy people offering them a free Frapp. In order to save some money they can recycle the old Unabomber sketch and add a ciggie and a frapp to it. She sorts of looks like him.

Jessica Alba told Extra that she’s been having dreams about her new baby and one of the things she’s really paranoid about is breastfeeding. She said, “It had to do with breastfeeding, which is the only thing I’m paranoid about, more than giving birth.” She’s actually considering breastfeeding? I would think she would go straight to the bottle. She’s way too grouchy to be breastfeeding. I can see her cursing at the baby, telling him to hurry the help up.

Doesn’t breastfeeding help you drop baby weight? Someone should tell her that and she would probably breastfeed until her baby is 18.

I need to wash the crusty sleepies from my eyes, because I can’t believe Amy Wino is actually looking semi-decent. It’s a mirage. A crackage. Her beehive is almost touching Jesus, but that’s what she needs. Wino cleaned up to go out with her daddy, Mitch, in London today. Mitch is reportedly staying with her Wino in a bid to clean her ass up after the whole crack video scandal.

She has refused rehab, but wants to clean her shit up. Maybe she’s trying to dress the part and hopes the rest will follow. The outfit is straight out of “Working Girl,” but I fucking love it.

They really should check the hive, because there’s probably a meth factory in there.

Wenn