LeAnn Rimes Gives Eddie Cibrian Sex Whenever He Wants It

LeAnn Rimes’ Entertainment Tonight interview with Nancy O’Dell is the eye roll-inducing gift that keeps on giving your eyeballs a reason to roll. LeAnn Rimes said in her ET interview that her body “wouldn’t let her stop” having an affair with Eddie Cibrian. That’s LeAnn trying to say “I’m suffering from stage 10 Dickmatization” in the most poetic way possible. LeAnn also said that she’s not trying to get knocked up, but she still gives Eddie the coochie whenever he wants it. When Eddie wants to stick the tip in her gaping nostril before she sneezes, LeAnn flares and lets him have it. via UsWeekly:

Do Rimes and Cibrian want to have children of their own? “Yea . . . I think so,” Rimes hesitantly told O’Dell. “That’s kind of the talk we’ve had for awhile now. Who knows?”

Still, Rimes clarified, they aren’t actively trying to get pregnant. “Not right now,” Rimes said. “No, we’re not!” Regardless, Rimes bragged to O’Dell that they have a very steamy sex life.

“Have you seen him?” she joked. “[Sex is] whatever time. Any time of the day. Whenever he wants it.”

LeAnn went on to say, “Yeah, I give Eddie sex whenever he wants it. I just wish he wanted it with me some of the time.” 

Mimi And Nick Cannon Do Each Other While Listening To Her Songs

Nick Cannon was on Howard Stern’s Sirius show this morning and this is what we learned about his fuck life with the butterfly rainbow queen of the lambs herself Mimi:

– Nick Cannon and Mimi kept their panties on while dating. Mimi never hit that shit before they got married. The furthest they got was second base. Nick never fingered her butterfly box and she never took his peen for a test drive. When Howard asked Nick how could he marry Mariah Carey without knowing if she’s good at giving blow jobs, he said something like, “She’s Mariah Carey! I just knew she’s good!” I don’t know what that means. Porn star Mary Carey is known for sucking dick the right way, but I didn’t know Mariah Carey was too. Maybe what Nick Cannon means is that since Mimi is a champion yodeler, she must be a champion beej giver too. When she puts a peen in her mouth and lets out one of her garage door-opening yodels, the vibrations hit the right spot so hard that the dude cums his ballsack out. That’s probably what he means.

– Nick Cannon and Mimi bump genitals to her songs all the time. Nick told Howard that his sex time soundtrack of choice is filled with nothing but Mimi songs. This actually isn’t surprising. What Nick didn’t tell Howard is that Mimi also makes him wear a Mariah Carey mask and they do it on a bedspread with her face airbrushed on it. There’s mirrors covering every wall in the room and right before they get it on, she sticks a multi-colored glitter pill in his peen hole so that he cums a sparkly rainbow. And I don’t even want to get into what they do with the hoards of butterflies she keeps in cages down in the basement.

– Nick Cannon is so excited about being married to Mariah Carey that when she’s gone, he faps to her songs. Nick’s favorite song to hand hug his dick to is “Hero.” That actually makes sense. Because every time Nick listens to a Mariah Carey song, he thinks of all the millions she’s made from that song and then he thinks about all the millions that’s in their joint bank account. When you listen to “Hero,” you hear “AHAHAHAAAAOOOOOHA HAOHAHAAAAOOORRRHHAA” and Nick hears, “cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching.” That’s definitely a sound to fap to.

And can we retire “Hero” forever now that we have the image of Nick Cannon fingering his b-hole and squeezing his foreskin to the lyric “look inside you and be strong“?

Here’s a clip from TMZ of Nick telling Howard all about his and Mimi’s kinky fetishes:

FYI: Giuliana Rancic Loves Baby Poop

Giuliana Rancic waited forever to be somebody’s mother and now that she has a baby, she’s fully embracing all the shit that comes with taking care of his ass. Literally. You know those new moms who graffiti your Facebook wall up with pictures of their baby friend waving their shit-covered hands around while laughing? No, you don’t know new moms like that? It’s probably just me then. I need a new Facebook life. Anyway, the physical inspiration for Azteca from Antz told People that she loves poop and has a library of baby scat movies in her computer.

“This is so gross, but I love when he poops. They make these noises and I’m always like, ‘Bill, here he goes. Tape this, tape this!’ And he’s like, ‘Must we tape this?’ It’s such a good feeling because it shows that he’s healthy and he’s regular and things are looking good. I love changing poopy diapers. When I open a diaper and it’s poopy, I’m like, ‘Yes, score!’”

Cut to her full-time nanny/diaper changer making a piping hot “bitch, stop” face while wiping ass mucus off her hands.

Giuliana only eats tips of ficus leaves for nourishment, so her shits are probably the size of bunny butt balls. So no wonder she’s excited about poop and obsessed with it. Being a mom is so weird. But being a blogger who writes about a mom being in love with baby shit might be weirder.

Fun fact: One of Giuliana’s nicknames for her son Edward Duke is DUKIE. She really, really does love baby caca.

I Don’t Know Who Olly Murs Is, But He Wants You To Know That He’s Got A Five Incher

If you asked me a couple of days ago who I thought Olly Murs was, I’d guess and say that Olly Murs is the accidental love child Hoops & Yoyo made during a night of awkward drunken cat and rabbit gay sex. (They don’t like to talk about it.) But I would’ve been wrong (I think), because Olly Murs is a British pop singer type who was the runner-up on the sixth season of The X-Factor UK, and now he’s known to me as the dude with five fully functional inches of love.

Olly Murs is apparently known for his bulge (see: pictures below of Olly Murs shooting a video in Venice, CA on September 21st. That’s not an overfull diaper in Olly’s skinny pants. That’s his five inch carrot and two avocado seeds.) and so Heat World (via ONTD) asked him about it during an interview. Heat World not only asked him about his bulge, but they also reached new levels of TOO MUCH INFORMATION by asking him to get specific and shit. And Olly did get specific:

“Maybe 13 [cm]? That’s what I’d go with – it’s definitely not 20cm. It would be quite big. I think 13cm.

It [his bulge] doesn’t bother me. I have never, honest to God, tried to emphasise it. It has always been other people. I have never thought of myself as someone who has a big bulge. But this is probably the first time I will be arrogant by saying I have never had a complaint…it’s not about the size; it’s what you can do with it that counts. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. And I am all about quality.”

I love how Olly says “I think.” Ho, please. You know he measures it daily. Olly slaps his peen against a ruler and tries to stretch it as far as it will go the same way Tommy Girl stands on his tippity, tippity tip toes when John Travolta’s measuring him on a growth chart in the Scientology playroom. “I grew 0.00003 centimeters!” is a line both Tommy Girl and Olly’s peen have screamed out recently.

And I bet that when you put all of Olly’s 13 centimeters in your mouth, you can articulately say the name “Olly Murs.” That’s a selling point for 5 inch dicks! Think about that the next time you’re about to roll your eyes when a trick on Craigslist tells you that he’s only got 5 inches.

Charlie Sheen Bought His Favorite Hooker A New Vagina

In case you were wondering, Charlie Sheen is still being Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen is still keeping the economy alive by snorting a quarter ounce of coke a day, smoking crack, watching Internet porn all day and throwing thousands of dollars at high-priced pussy peddlers. A source tells Radar that Charlie is blowing through his Anger Management money in more ways than one.

The source says that for the past 8 months, Charlie has slipped back into his crackhead ways and is spending around $2,000 a day on the bad shit. Charlie’s private drug dealer brings over a quarter to half an ounce of cocaine a day. Charlie sometimes snorts it, but since he’s a lover of gourmet coke, he usually cooks it with baking soda in his bathroom and smokes it out of a pipe he made from a Fiji water bottle. Yes, Fiji. TRASH! Charlie needs to read this week’s edition of GOOP, because GOOP says that only the poor smoke their drugs out of a Fiji water bottle. The rich only smoke their drugs out of $52 rolling papers from Sugar Paper or they smoke it out a pipe made from a Vittel water bottle imported from a recycling center in Toulouse.

When Charlie isn’t inhaling the breath of a Lohan through a Fiji crack pipe, he’s buying top shelf poon by the dozen. Charlie even has a favorite hooker and he loves her so much that he gave her the gift of a new vagina. The source says this:

“Charlie fancies one girl in particular and sometimes pays her a whopping $25,000 per night to be with him — and that’s not all. This one girl that Charlie really likes had insecurities about her vagina so she begged Charlie to get her a vaginal rejuvenation surgery to make it prettier. And he did. He got her the surgery, and he also bought her a new car.”

If you need a visual as to what an ugly vagina looks like, just look at that picture above again.

Charlie really is a saint for helping those with unfortunate chochas. That poor girl probably did whatever she could to revitalize her stale cookie. She hung one of those Little Trees air fresheners (scent: new twat) over her box and it didn’t help. She put a new coat of paint on it. She refaced it. She even called HGTV’s Holmes on Holmes for help, but nothing worked. Then the one-crackhead Make-A-Wish foundation for whores came along and answered her snatch’s prayers. Since cheap ass Oprah isn’t giving anything away for free nowadays, it’s nice to know that Charlie is. You get a pussy! You get a pussy! And YOU get a pussy! Pussies for everyone!

This Is The Face Of A Man Who Once Had Butt Sex With A Coke Pill

Yesterday, we larned (typo and it stays, because I want to speak with a Honey Boo Boo accent today) that Rod Stewart didn’t have to get his stomach pumped, because he never overdosed on sailor cum. Uh huh. And today, we’re learning that back during his drug days, Rod Stewart regularly got on all fours and begged to be butt banged hard by a coke pill. Yes, we know Rod Stewart like THAT now. I don’t like it either.

In his new memoirs Rod Stewart: Farting Up Coke and Barfing Up Cum, he writes that he wasn’t ever addicted to the bad shit in a serious way, but he did dabble in drugs and found creative ways to get high. But Rod writes that his bandmate Ronnie Wood was hooked on coke and didn’t want to mess up his nose, so they shoved coke pills up their no-nos. Rod and Ronnie were both coke’s bottom bitch. Rod explained it all to Access Hollywood (via NYDN):

“We found another method of taking the drug. We put them in a little pill like the French do them, (a) suppository. We did that for a little while. Are we still on the air?”

Lindsay Lohan’s Hoover of an asshole isn’t impressed. Coke suppository? That’s amateur hour. LiLo can stand with her back facing a fat line of coke 100 feet away and all her b-hole has to do is inhale just a little bit and BOOM! Bitch’s butt sucks up that line before anybody even notices.

You know, I’m all for sticking what ever it is you want up your own sugar tunnel. If it makes your nipples sweat and does you right, then go for it. But I CAN’T with snorting coke up your ass. Don’t give me that “but it numbs it good” shit. If you want to numb your anus, just make it watch Brad Pitt’s Chanel commercial. It will knock out before he can say “journey.” It will go to bed hating you, but it will still go to bed. Besides, do you really want coke breath of the butt and do you want your ass lips to start grinding? No peen wants to go near grinding ass lips. Deal breaker.