OK, I have a joke for you. A “cookbook author”, a “presenter” and an “entrepreneur” walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “what’ll it be, ladies?” All three lean over the bar and scream “HOW DARE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!!?” Suddenly, an asteroid lands on the bar, and everything and everyone is instantly vaporized. That’s it. That’s the joke. The punchline could use a little work but it’s better than the truth in which Chrissy Tiegen, Jameela Jamil and Kim Kardashian continue to berate our eyeballs with their criminally stupid social media “debates.” This time it’s about Kim’s Skims maternity shapewear which Chrissy defended after Jameela said it makes pregnant women self-conscious about their growing bodies. Oh wait, did I say asteroid? I meant meatier.
According to Us Weekly, Jamila, who has never had a baby, created a post on Instagram talking about “Lot of talk on the internet today about pregnancy shapewear. And each to their own. But from the discourse online I will say: I wish we could just Normalize just focusing on the inside of a pregnant body, not the outside.” Well, at least she managed, technically, to keep Kim’s name out of her mouth like she promised. Here’s Jameela’s initial post (yes there are more to come, what, are you new here?).
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Lot of talk on the internet today about pregnancy shapewear. And each to their own. But from the discourse online I will say: I wish we could just Normalize just focusing on the inside of a pregnant body, not the outside. You don’t need your shape corrected or hidden. You don’t need an even more awkward obstacle between you and a piss. You just need to try and ride with this miracle and do your best to be as happy/comfortable as is possible within your circumstances. Pregnancy is hard enough, with enough worries already. And if you feel self conscious, you are not the problem, who can blame any of us for feeling bad, our society has failed us immensely, and we as a collective need to put more energy into pushing back against this so we can just let a bitch live! If I ever have a baby I’m welcoming the stretch marks, the new curves and I’m sure as shit not gonna rush to try and snap back, I’m just gonna let my body heal from the Massive event that has occurred inside my body. And look if you’re just doing it for support then great! but for the many I saw saying they need it to look less fat during pregnancy… you look fucking GREAT as you are! ❤️
Now, maternity shapewear has been around for decades— it’s sold by Macy’s, Spanx, Target, and A Pea in the Pod if you’re a fancy bitch. So despite what Kim would have you think, she did not invent that shit. However, it’s a safe bet that Kim’s announcement of the imminent release of Skims Maternity is the reason there’s currently a “Discourse Online.”
Her comments on Sunday came less than a day after Kim announced in an Instagram post that her Skims maternity line goes on sale on Wednesday, September 16. In her post, the KKW Beauty founder wrote that her “Solutionwear … offers the best in comfort and support for your changing body during and after pregnancy,” and is available in nine colors and sizes XXS to 5X.
In a shocking display of constraint, currently pregnant Chrissy weighed in on Twitter. Note her pointed lack of capitalization. That’s an indication that this is a just a chill conversation and not a Hostile Confrontation. Just so we’re clear, she’s not chiming in for free pannies. She can afford Pea in the Pod on her own, thank you very much. She’s reading from a script for other reasons she’s under no obligation to disclose! Remember, she doesn’t even know Kim like that anymore.
on the controversy that is pregnancy shapewear: it’s not to be smaller. these brands aren’t pressuring us to be smaller. thanks for looking out for us everyone but we’re good! https://t.co/8arPjfDiUl
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 13, 2020
— ChrissyTeigenWeb.Com (@teigenpictures) September 13, 2020
And for the sake of the children, Kim also entered into The Discourse in a generous, maternal manner, addressing her mortal enemy as simply “anyone who has an issue”.
To anyone who has an issue with maternity solutionwear, and if you haven’t been pregnant before you may not know the struggle of what it’s like carrying all of this weight the way I did along with millions of strong women, @skims maternity line is not to slim but to support.
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) September 13, 2020
Gee, I wonder who she could be talking about. Not Jameela, that’s for sure. She checked!
Just Spoke to Chrissy. She wasn’t talking about me in her video at all. The garbage way that tabloids try to set women upon each other to create a fantasy bitch fight for entertainment is so disgusting and archaic. We all know each other… you can’t just make shit up about us.🖕🏽 pic.twitter.com/tCuTQjQeYD
— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) September 14, 2020
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This is annoying. They weren’t responding to me as I wasn’t one of the people saying the product wasn’t safe. I’d already read Kim’s description of the product before I spoke. And also I’ve spoken to Chrissy and she confirmed it wasn’t at all about me. I was only talking about the discourse online around body shaming (that popped up due to the backlash that I had nothing to do with) during pregnancy and people wearing awkward to piss in shape wear specifically to look slimmer rather than for support. Bored of my name being used to drag me into shit that I’m not trying to be involved in. If I was calling her out, I would just call her out, I’ve hardly been shy about it in the past. I’m not a passive aggressive person. I’m extremely direct. From what I understand her product is safe. But there is definitely a huge societal problem with the way pregnant people feel they have to look while making a baby. (Not to mention the drama and pressure of post pregnancy bodies… a whole other nightmare that we as a society have to tackle.)
You know what, I take it back. Asteroid was the right choice.